"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

newlysingle posted 11/15/2013 20:03 PM

So DS has been throwing up all day. Lots of fun with a toddler who just throws up wherever. So between all the laundry, scrubbing the floors and furniture, it was hard to get much done. DD who is normally very squeamish about vomit was so good to her brother. She held him, gave him her stuffed animals (which he puked on) and just loved him while I tried to stay on top if things. I never felt sad about the Gnat not being around to help even once.

Yeah and the Gnat, he can go screw himself. He is out of town for work and had the same stomach virus on Monday (right after having the kids all weekend). He never mentioned this to me until yesterday. I had to briefly speak with him on the phone (yuck) to sort out a complicated child support issue. He then asked if the kids had gotten sick yet. Gee thanks for the heads up, asshole. I texted him again today (about the CS issue) and mentioned DS being sick and asked him how long it lasted. He said only one day, but never said anything else nor asked later how he was doing. I don't get it. If my kids were sick with him, I would want updates and said something like "oh, my poor, little guy". Nope, nothing from the Gnat.

I'm just hoping that Hello Kitty got a horrible version of this virus this week where it was coming out both ends . Yes, I'm evil.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 8:04 PM, November 15th (Friday)]

phmh posted 11/15/2013 20:09 PM

I really think that vignettes like this only help you to get to indifference more quickly.

Sorry he's sick, but hopefully already better by the time I post this!

Gemini71 posted 11/15/2013 22:21 PM

I'm still stunned at how the STBXH seems to be just fine with only seeing the kids on weekends. I would be going nuts wondering how they were doing during the week. His indifference just helps me inch closer to the 'promised-land of indifference.'

I would generalize and say it's a male thing, but then I read the posts on here by fathers who fight tooth and nail for every second they can possibly have with their kids. So I guess it's a 'selfish liar' thing.

newlysingle posted 11/15/2013 23:16 PM

phmh - it does make moving towards indifference easier. A few months ago, I probably would have texted him and told him what a shitty dad I thought he was. He would have either ignored me or said something really cruel and mean. I would have ended up crying. It of course bothered me that he didn't check in to see how he was doing, but I never considered calling him out on it. I know that's just the way it's going to be and the kids will remember one day who was really there for them.

Gemini- I know what you mean about other dads. The Gnat always traveled extensively throughout our marriage and I rarely heard from him while he was gone. I just chalked up to him being busy and the long hours he worked while he travels. Well, a good friend came and visited me this past summer. Her H also travels a ton and has an equally stressful job with long hours like the Gnat. He checked in with her and the kids a couple of times everyday. It was then that I realized how f'd up my marriage had really been. He never really cared.

SBB posted 11/16/2013 06:47 AM

My little one and I had the gastro bug a little while ago - I NEVER get sick. I hope your DS is OK. I love your DD - my big girl was the same. All cuddles and patting.

It was then that I realized how f'd up my marriage had really been. He never really cared.

Boy can I relate. I recently spent a few days staying a a GFs house with her husband and 3 kids (she has a 3 week old).

I had the opportunity to see a functioning, loving, supportive M up close. He came home and brought lunch, FFS (they have lunch a few times a week). Engaged, interested, invested - so plugged in.

I sat there stunned. TBH I'm still pretty stunned. I think I managed to get the sad clown to come to the park with us at the weekend maybe once.

Fucked up is an understatement.