So it's been about 7 months now and I've maintained NC throughout. I'd say about 3 weeks ago I felt myself take a turn in a healthier direction. Stopped thinking about him constantly. Started gaining some weight back. People are telling me that I'm acting and looking more like myself everyday.
I've also applied for several jobs and have some really exciting interviews lined up. I'm not sure what's going to happen there-- I'm trying to keep my expectations reasonable-- but it's a nice feeling right now to feel in demand and be excited about possibilities.
And I've gone out on a few coffee meetings/dates to sort of test the waters there.
The first was god awful. The guy was a pompous jerk. Reminded me of my ex. He's asked to go out again, but I've put him off.
The second was someone I met at an event who is sort of a high profile/local celebrity. We're getting together next week. I don't think it's at all a date... but it's it's own kind of "practice" to get together with a guy, sit across from him at a restaurant, and try to pretend I'm interested in stories about his life.
And I had coffee with an old flame last week who also just went through a divorce. Got a message from him last night asking me out to dinner. I don't think there is any potential for anything with this guy, but as long as he acknowledges that I'm accepting as a friend, I'm happy to be getting out of the house for meals again!
I will admit that I did cry a little after some of these pseudo-dates. At first I was feeling upset that I have to be "on the market" again. I miss the partner that my STBX was before his A. And after so much time together-- all of the things we shared and how much we built together. It's hard not to mourn that.
But now I'm seeing this as an opportunity to start over, fine tune my "picker". Go with the flow. Try not to live for the "what if"s...
Anyway, this is the first time that I've really felt this forum was right for me and I'm excited. I'm sure there will still be bad days ahead-- but right now I'm trying to be grateful for the happy moments and some sense of being comfortable with my "new normal."