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1 Year Anniversary

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Sunnie posted 11/17/2013 04:54 AM

Today is exactly 1 year to the day that my ex decided that he wanted out. By way of background, he cheated on me with a neighbor for 18 months, then we spent 18 months trying to reconcile and then one morning he said "we've had a good long run" and that was that. What a year it's been, so many good and bad things, so I thought I would post an update. I hope this isn't too depressing to some people and I hope it also helps some to know that if they are really struggling they are not alone.

Some of the really good stuff that happened this year:
- I traveled a lot: Ecuador, Poland, Taiwan and Chile. Most of it was for work but I still got to enjoy the experiences and sight see at least a bit
- I ran a marathon and I did it in 3h48min! It was amazing and I am doing another one in 2 weeks.
- I got a huge promotion at work and I love my new job
- I have found many close friends that were previously just acquaintances (because ex didn't like me to be away from him when he was at home) so now I have an amazing social life
- I learned a lot about myself through therapy and reading about breaking up and co-dependency
- I was in a FWB situation for a few months with the nicest, gentlest guy, which made me realize all the things I missed but I deserved during my relationship with ex. After going through this, I realize I do not want my ex back.
- Separation and D are final, I got all my money and my stuff, I gave up/he agreed to take the business (wooo HOOO! a heavy albatross off my neck)

Now the unhappy bits (WARNING: it could be depressing to some people):
- I am still in therapy. I was doing very well for a few months but these last couple of months I find some of the pain of the infidelity and the breakup is back. I don't know why and it sucks.
- I have relapsed into a severe eating disorder that I had when I was a teenager. It started about 5 months after the separation and it is getting worse. Doctor says I have to start thinking at hospitalization. I am being followed by a doctor, a psych, a therapist and a nutritionist. I am taking prozac. Pretty much all the money I got from my promotion is going towards medical costs!!! I am lucky that I can afford it and I have good medical insurance.

As for them:

The Ex and the OW have moved in together. He hired her to manage the business. Ex lost his job and started another business. I only ran into them once, at a restaurant a couple of months ago, and I ignored them like they didn't exist. It hurt though. Part of me thinks they deserve each other, I deserve better, they aren't going to last. Part of me also begrudges them their happiness, where is the karma, they shouldn't be this happy, how is it that I was the one who was cheated on and I am struggling while they are happy and together. Blech.

I am still in touch with Ex's mom, who was like a mother to me during our relationship. It was weird and awkward at first but now it is starting to blossom into a friendship and we never talk about Ex. It hurts to know too that we will never be as close as we were before.

So that's it. I hope some of you find this useful! I am off to run a 10k race, the same one I didn't get to run last year because it was break-up day.

traicionada posted 11/17/2013 09:36 AM

My former marriage imploded while my oldest nephew was born so I related my healing journey to his learning milestones.
2 Months: Understanding Cause and Effect. I didn't cause the A. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect but he chose to be unfaithful rather than working out our differences
3 Months: Reacting Differently to Words Than to Other Sounds. I stopped getting angry at the sound of his name. I was finally able to listen to "our favorite" songs again
4 Months: Recognizing Your Own Name. I went back to being just me rather than his wife
6 Months: Making Inferences About Intentions. I could tell the difference between him being unable to do something and being unwilling to do it. I was done & moving on
9 Months: Gesturing. I learn to smile again, to laugh out loud
12 Months: Using Basic Words. Hi, my name is...

Congratulations on your 1st year of healing!

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