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just wondering on a scale of 0-10

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ionlytalkedtoher posted 11/17/2013 06:44 AM

[This message edited by ionlytalkedtoher at 2:00 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]

OptimisticWife posted 11/17/2013 06:56 AM

I was so sure that there was zero chance that my H would cheat. We also married in 1997. I'm still shocked that he cheated after we'd been together for 22 years.

Flatlined123 posted 11/17/2013 07:11 AM

I was so sure, I'd have bet my life on him.

H always used to say he was faithful as an old dog. I wonder what changed that.

ionlytalkedtoher posted 11/17/2013 07:13 AM

and also what did other people think objectively? Did your friends and family ever warn you that was an aspect of their personality that could result in cheating?

In my case--no one on any side in any way would bet that we has a cheater at that time. or ever become a cheater.

Zayda1 posted 11/17/2013 07:36 AM

I thought there was zero chance of him cheating. He is such a nice guy, he would never do anything to hurt me.

I know better now. Monogamy takes work. Nobody is immune. It's a sad reality, but it is reality.

RipsInMyChest posted 11/17/2013 07:41 AM

I would have said zero % all of the 16.75 years of our marriage before his ONS. The women he works with told me that they all talked about it (since there were many affairs going on and even more flirting) and my H was the least likely to cheat! H and I talked about how if he wanted another woman, she could join us in our bed together. We were open to talking about attractions and sexuality in a realistic way. But we didn't count on the perfect storm of stress, PTSD, ego, and a OW with NO boundaries whatsoever! In talking to fWH, he says NOW it is zero% as his ONS was like sticking his arm in a meat grinder....not something he wants to ever do again. I will never be comfortable with believing that zero % again.

Marathonwaseasy posted 11/17/2013 07:47 AM

I'd have said zero for sure.
I'd have still said it if you'd asked me on September 12th even though her been in a PA for about 11 months at that point
Feel pretty stupid now

struggling16 posted 11/17/2013 08:00 AM

Zero.

He witnessed the destruction of his parents' M because of his father's infidelity when he was a teenager. He saw how it destroyed his mother. He was estranged from his father because of the A.

It turns out that during the last ten years prior to the A and despite his "empathetic" talk, he was going to strip clubs and became addicted to porn. I have some evidence that he was also seeing escorts but he denies it.

I would never have married the man and taken on raising his three children if I had thought he was capable of this level of destruction, duplicity and selfishness.

cookiegrl posted 11/17/2013 08:15 AM

I honestly didn't even think about it. I was completely committed to him. He had been cheated on in his first marriage and it floors me to think about the great lengths he has gone through to keep the truth from me when he knows how much it hurts.

lostworld posted 11/17/2013 11:42 AM

I believed, as did everyone who knew him, including himself, zero percent likelihood; so, how did the MOW know (she knew him professionally for 10 years prior to the A)?

sisoon posted 11/17/2013 11:53 AM

I was more worried abut myself than my W. By the time she cheated, however, I thought it was - and, in retrospect, always had been - zero for both of us.

I should have chosen 'clueless' for my SI ID....

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/17/2013 12:05 PM

On the day I was given proof of the A- by a third party- I had just spent twenty minutes explaining WHY there was NO chance in hell he would cheat. I even accused the girl if soreading gossip about innocent people who are just trying to work for their family- my H's A was under the guise of some remodeling work he would do after he got off of his regular job.

And as far as others? NO ONE would have ever thought of him cheating. Everyone that found out was floored.
It was so entirely out of character.

You never know. You can't.

On a side note- a woman at work found out and her response to me? "Well, when I chose my husband I made SURE he was the type who could NEVER cheat."

I wanted to punch her in her blissfully ignorant face.
I was her once. Just 5 months ago.

What i wanted to say was "yah- and when i wanted a husband, i went looking for broken and wounded souls that could turn their lifetime of insecurity into my own living nightmare." Whatever.
People have no idea.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 12:11 PM, November 17th (Sunday)]

ILINIA posted 11/17/2013 12:16 PM

Zero.

I married him because I felt safe, loved, and protected. If I had any inkling that he would be unfaithful. I never would have married him. I'm going to ask him this question today.

GraceisGood posted 11/17/2013 14:26 PM

I would say it was around a 4.

I am pretty clueless in general regarding life, etc, but coming from a home with infidelity, I was aware of this and we discussed it prior to M and during M.

I never believed anyone was "immune" from an A or being attracted to another, etc, but the area I failed in was that I believed talking about it meant something, was pro active, etc. and I took comfort and felt "safe" to a degree because this was an area I felt "aware" in. UMMMMMM No!!

Grace

HormonalWoman posted 11/17/2013 14:33 PM

Zero. As for everyone else, even after he had cheated and i was suspicious everyone kept telling me he would never do that.

I did have a dream long before we got married that he cheated though, should have taken more notice although i actually killed the ow in the dream

Daisy312 posted 11/17/2013 14:39 PM

O! I thought he was the most honest man alive!

Childoftheking posted 11/17/2013 21:53 PM

ZERO for me too. Our whole marriage he has always been so affectionate and open about his feelings towards me...he's so lucky, so in love, so thankful for what we have. There were so many times we'd joke about it because it was so far off the radar of things that could happen to us. I don't think my husband even thought he was capable of this...BUT, I've learned that anyone is capable of anything. Myself included. I think it's a good thing to realize that. My husband thought he could have an innocent friendship with a female because he thought that he could never have an affair...that made him vulnerable. Now we both will actively avoid situations like that and actively work hard on our marriage.

Undone1 posted 11/17/2013 23:00 PM

He was the love of my life and he said I was his. I thought there was ZERO chance of it happening to us. I loved him so much and felt that he loved me in that same way. My family and friends would have also said ZERO as well. Everyone was as shocked as I was.

If you knew the two of us, you would have bet on me to have the A. I am outgoing and talk easily to most people. And I would have bet on myself also. My H is quiet, keeps to himself and plays everything pretty close to the vest. I was very wrong!

I was clueless and feel pretty stupid about that as well!

Yakamishi posted 11/18/2013 00:36 AM

I feel so naive to say this, but yeah..ZERO. Absolutely zero. WW was the better of us. The caring one. The selfless one. Our marriage had its UPS and downs but I never imagined her capable of inflicting such horror and pain onto me.

Now knowing what I've learned over the last 14 months...the pre-existing condition was there. The warning signs screaming. But I was too trusting to see.

Never again.

loyalwoman posted 11/18/2013 01:02 AM

Going in it was zero chance. I thought if anyone would be tempted, it would be me. Hah.

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