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hangingonin posted 11/17/2013 06:48 AM

I separated from my partner of 27 years 3 weeks ago. I have been very up and down. Today I just cannot seem to stop crying. I have been trying to keep busy going through each room in the house and slowly moving things around to make it my house. The house seems very quiet - my son is at university. I know it is early days and things will get better, but today it all seems a bit too much. I just thought I needed to tell someone how I feel.

cmego posted 11/17/2013 07:14 AM


It will get better. I promise. Not overnight, though. It took me at least a year before I could really see happiness again. Part of it is having to rediscover who you are, and making positive changes in your life.

Do something nice for yourself today.

devistatedmom posted 11/17/2013 08:22 AM

You are ok hangingonin. Unfortunately the ups and downs are normal, and so early on being down more than up is really the way it's going to be.

Just do what you need to do. No more, no less. Look after you. At least drink some water. Make a tea. Eat something you enjoy. Take a walk. Do something that brings you joy. Drink more water.

Has the anger hit yet? When it does, exercise. Clean out that closet. Do SOMETHING productive.

It all sucks. There is nothing good I can tell you about those early days, but just get through it how you need to. Hour by hour if needed. It does get easier, and it will get better. One day you will realize you didn't think about it much, you will realize your crying bouts are shorter, less often.

You will make it through. Keep care of you.


LadyQ posted 11/17/2013 08:40 AM


hangingonin posted 11/17/2013 09:31 AM

Thanks everyone. It helps knowing that others have gone through this & come out the other end. Yes the anger has hit & I'm going to the gym regularly at the moment. I have been for a walk this afternoon. I think this time of year is depressing - every time I turn the TV on there is something about Christmas etc. I'm feeling a bit better now. Going to do the ironing before skyping my son.
Thanks for all the hugs - they really help.

tesla posted 11/17/2013 10:11 AM


The first days are dark and lonely. The pain can seem unbearable. For me, IC and running helped. And this site. Come here and post as often as you need.

PhoenixRisen posted 11/17/2013 10:30 AM

I was going to suggest getting out (gym, walk) but you are already doing that - good for you!
The first holiday season was hard for me (esp with all the Hallmark perfect families on TV). I tried to keep it festive for the kids but just wanted to hid in bed, get though it, and start a new year. Traveling helped - I could focus on upcoming visits to friends and family.
The following year the holiday season was much better or at least easier and less emotional.
It helped me to know I was not alone, that, sadly, there were other BSs scattered throughout the county (even world) connected by this site and each one was also crying themselves to sleep at night.
I also read a lot of posts on NB to see that others further along in their healing were living life again (and now I'm the one posting about my new adventures there!).
It will get better! Remember we are all here for you, and know exactly how you feel.

hangingonin posted 11/17/2013 11:39 AM

Thanks Tesla and Phoenix. Just skyped my son - we're going to a pub for Christmas lunch & we were chatting about that. I got a bit emotional, I tried very hard not to & my son said to me that not to worry he was there for me. It should be the other way round!! Thanks everyone, I'm so glad I've found this site.

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