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SI mention in BostonGlobe article

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WakingFromADream posted 11/17/2013 12:13 PM

http://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2013/11/17/the-state-extramarital-affairs-getting-caught-and-cheater-meter/o3juJzkgQwkJ6GOu0bXliO/story.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

simplydevastated posted 11/18/2013 12:10 PM

That's a great article.

SisterMilkshake posted 11/18/2013 12:48 PM

“You might not really feel what you think you’re going to feel,” says Ruskin. “Many people think they would end the marriage; when they find out, more actually stay [than think they will]. A lot of people, as they talk to their spouse, feel they played a role in the cheating.”
This is a therapists quote in the article. It seems she is agreeing that the faithful spouse plays a role. Don't agree with this. She goes on to say:
“The affair is typically not just about having sex,” says Ruskin. “The theory is that there is an underlying issue that has led to the affair.”
Yeah, that underlying issue is an asshole spouse who feels fucking someone besides their spouse is okay.

I liked most of the article, though. Thanks for sharing, Waking.

nutmegkitty posted 11/18/2013 15:01 PM

Thanks for sharing that.

IDeserveMore posted 11/18/2013 15:01 PM

I guess I liked the article but the PI guy seriously got on my nerves with this:

Chauppetta says technology is bad for business, with more men and women catching their own spouses red-handed. But some still hire the PI for incontrovertible proof. “People are just gluttons for punishment,” he says. “Sometimes, [they] need to see living, breathing flesh on videotape.”

No, it's not masochism that makes people want to hire a PI. People do it because if they don't they will be gaslighted from here till kingdom come. Sometimes I think there should be a fund drive so people can afford get a few hours from a PI. Maybe it could end the dance sooner.

Rebreather posted 11/18/2013 15:17 PM

The article has so many good points, better researched than many. But then it has fatal flaws. Was it the BAN people that blamed the marriage on the affair? *sigh* I don't know much about that group, so curious if that's their view? Or just those people were wrong or my reading comprehension is poor.

Had they said it is the over-benefitted partner that is likely to cheat, not the reverse, it would have been much better. And sad the PI doesn't understand the motivation of his own clients. Of course, that could have just been the one chosen quote over a long interview.

Sleepy312 posted 11/18/2013 15:19 PM

This is a therapists quote in the article. It seems she is agreeing that the faithful spouse plays a role. Don't agree with this. She goes on to say:

“The affair is typically not just about having sex,” says Ruskin. “The theory is that there is an underlying issue that has led to the affair.”

Yeah, that underlying issue is an asshole spouse who feels fucking someone besides their spouse is okay.

while I agree with both statements I don't see how a therapist can defend a cheater and put blame on the BS. sure, I feel affairs aren't about the sex it's typically an escape from an issue at home. The cheater is too much of a coward to deal with the real problem, so they cheat and get an ego stroke. Just my experience and knowledge from friends. grr

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