SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Angel177 posted 11/17/2013 14:46 PM

What makes you keep working at it?

pointofnoreturn posted 11/17/2013 14:56 PM

Nearly everyone in his life has abandoned him or they are distant. I don't want to contribute to that list.

Chippednotbroken posted 11/17/2013 14:59 PM

Good question.

meaniemouse posted 11/17/2013 14:59 PM

History? The time you already have invested in this person and your life together? The promise of a better, more honest relationship in the future? The fact that divorce is expensive, unsettling, hurtful to a lot of people besides the couple? That working together to save a relationship might be very rewarding?

Even though it wasn't right in my situation that doesn't stop me from thinking about how my life would be different if we could have made it work. The big family house that would be full of people at the holidays and would one day be full of grandchildren. The opportunity to sit next to my children's father at their graduations, weddings, and other big events. The security that comes from knowing that there's someone who knows most everything about you and hopefully has learned to have your back and keep your heart safe.

And if that isn't enough--trust me, the process of deciding--to date, or not to date, to get serious or not, to sleep with someone, to think about combining finances and families--that is certainly something to think about.

Is that enough???

Angel177 posted 11/17/2013 15:13 PM

Thank you meanie mouse. Everything you said is what keeps me going..sometimes I need help remembering.

I do love my husband....i think that makes it harder. This weekend my pain has felt very raw again...it hasn't felt like that in a long time.

iwillNOT posted 11/17/2013 19:50 PM

I want to be able to tell my kids and myself I did everything I could, if it doesn't work out. I do love him and if he can sort out his crap and I can heal, I feel we could be happy. History, children, and shared ties to family, community, work, friends. the knowledge that humans do, in fact, make wrong choices, and do have the ability to improve themselves. The knowledge that if I divorce, I will still have to heal from the affair, alone; and then recover from divorce, too. The possibility of a better future. My kids, my kids, my kids.

I believe it is possible for people to work through this, to heal, to be better. I just don't know if it is possible for us. But I am willing to find out.

sailorgirl posted 11/17/2013 20:18 PM

His deep remorse.

His humility, honesty, and willingness to be vulnerable to me.

His affection and passion for me.

OldCow18 posted 11/17/2013 20:45 PM

My kids.

rachelc posted 11/17/2013 21:22 PM

all the sacrifices he made before his affairs. Presenty, I don't want to disrupt my good life. I'm trying to determine if I can stay in a relationship where i don't respect him enough that a partner should and forgive myself for staying.
I'm tired of being affected negatively by this. A divorce would affect me negatively.
Living day to day is saving my sanity