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Newest Member: Starrystarrynight

Reconciliation :
When you feel like giving up...

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 Angel177 (original poster member #37274) posted at 8:46 PM on Sunday, November 17th, 2013

What makes you keep working at it?

Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
D-Day 2 Oct. 12/19 different OW
In limbo

posts: 255   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2012
id 6565164
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pointofnoreturn ( member #41034) posted at 8:56 PM on Sunday, November 17th, 2013

Nearly everyone in his life has abandoned him or they are distant. I don't want to contribute to that list.

posts: 188   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013
id 6565171
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Chippednotbroken ( member #40170) posted at 8:59 PM on Sunday, November 17th, 2013

Good question.

Me 34 (former BS)
Happily Divorced November 17, 2014.
3 young kids all under 9.
"I'm sorry you don't like my honesty. But to be fair, I don't like your lies."

posts: 592   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2013
id 6565174
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meaniemouse ( member #10798) posted at 8:59 PM on Sunday, November 17th, 2013

History? The time you already have invested in this person and your life together? The promise of a better, more honest relationship in the future? The fact that divorce is expensive, unsettling, hurtful to a lot of people besides the couple? That working together to save a relationship might be very rewarding?

Even though it wasn't right in my situation that doesn't stop me from thinking about how my life would be different if we could have made it work. The big family house that would be full of people at the holidays and would one day be full of grandchildren. The opportunity to sit next to my children's father at their graduations, weddings, and other big events. The security that comes from knowing that there's someone who knows most everything about you and hopefully has learned to have your back and keep your heart safe.

And if that isn't enough--trust me, the process of deciding--to date, or not to date, to get serious or not, to sleep with someone, to think about combining finances and families--that is certainly something to think about.

Is that enough???

Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

posts: 2278   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2006   ·   location: Midwest
id 6565175
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 Angel177 (original poster member #37274) posted at 9:13 PM on Sunday, November 17th, 2013

Thank you meanie mouse. Everything you said is what keeps me going..sometimes I need help remembering.

I do love my husband....i think that makes it harder. This weekend my pain has felt very raw again...it hasn't felt like that in a long time.

Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
D-Day 2 Oct. 12/19 different OW
In limbo

posts: 255   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2012
id 6565186
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iwillNOT ( member #40605) posted at 1:50 AM on Monday, November 18th, 2013

I want to be able to tell my kids and myself I did everything I could, if it doesn't work out. I do love him and if he can sort out his crap and I can heal, I feel we could be happy. History, children, and shared ties to family, community, work, friends. the knowledge that humans do, in fact, make wrong choices, and do have the ability to improve themselves. The knowledge that if I divorce, I will still have to heal from the affair, alone; and then recover from divorce, too. The possibility of a better future. My kids, my kids, my kids.

I believe it is possible for people to work through this, to heal, to be better. I just don't know if it is possible for us. But I am willing to find out.

Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every

posts: 702   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6565430
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sailorgirl ( member #38162) posted at 2:18 AM on Monday, November 18th, 2013

His deep remorse.

His humility, honesty, and willingness to be vulnerable to me.

His affection and passion for me.

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

posts: 787   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2013
id 6565461
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OldCow18 ( member #39670) posted at 2:45 AM on Monday, November 18th, 2013

My kids.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013
id 6565488
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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 3:22 AM on Monday, November 18th, 2013

all the sacrifices he made before his affairs. Presenty, I don't want to disrupt my good life. I'm trying to determine if I can stay in a relationship where i don't respect him enough that a partner should and forgive myself for staying.

I'm tired of being affected negatively by this. A divorce would affect me negatively.

Living day to day is saving my sanity

posts: 7613   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6565522
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