Topic: Feel like my heart will always be broken
Member # 41326
| Posted: 5:09 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
My girlfriends took me on a fun weekend and we ate and drank and shopped and twice during the weekend, I was in tears looking around at the people just walking around enjoying their lives. We used to do this (WH & I)..we used to love to do these types of things..and now here I am..where exactly? My friends are wonderful but the person I am heartbroken over is the person I no longer have any real form of communication with..does it get easier? I feel like I am walking around in my body but I've died..my friends keep telling me I will get there but then I came home and wonder how I'm supposed to get up in the morning and fake it all over again. Does he cry thinking about what he lost? Is he missing us? This family he just threw away? Why do I feel like something has been amputated from my body? I swear if it wasn't for my son, i wouldn't want to live..
Posts: 7 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 27605
| Posted: 5:30 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
I have been where you are at. Not having a clue in how I will make it through the night. All I can tell you is every night I thought that, I woke up the next day a little bit stronger. Time my friend, Time.
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.
Posts: 499 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 41365
| Posted: 5:38 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
I think it does slowly get easier. When we first separated and again when I first found out I felt like I was walking around in a fog. I would see couple-y things and tear up. I felt like so much of my life wasn't real and I wanted to hide inside to avoid facing the reality of it all.
What I have found is that giving myself permission to not be "normal" is important, as is saying it's okay to leave plans sooner than expected. What has been most helpful for me is pursuing interest that are mine and mine alone. Not ones that he and I share, but my own passions. I am taking dance classes and it helps me connect with my body in a powerfully positive way. I adopted a cat without any input or feedback from him. I've bought little things here and there to redecorate (took over a year to get to *that* point) without worrying about what he might think. I'm reminding myself of the ways I was a strong, independent woman before him, and even with him, and that I will be a strong, beautiful, independent woman regardless of what my relationship status is.
All the dread, the flashbacks, the anxiety, the self-doubt, they've left since he's been out of my life. On to a beautiful future!
Posts: 34 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 39192
| Posted: 7:05 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
I don't have any wise words. Just know you are not alone. I'm right there with you. I look at others and envy them because I assume they are not in the same boat. They almost seem to be floating around while I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I wonder how others can be so "normal" and content when, to me, the sky is falling. Forgive the dramatics. I share my experience because I want you to know you are not alone, going crazy, or anything else. We have no choice but to get through this. I choose to believe what wiser SI members say that it does get easier to get out of bed and at some point you will go a whole hour, morning, or evening without experiencing such acute pain.
Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.
~~Tao Te Ching
Posts: 152 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
Member # 39667
| Posted: 7:18 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
It's gotten a lot easier for me.
As the cliche says, "one day at a time." And pretty soon you will realize, "Wow, I feel so much better than I did a week/month/year ago." I was exactly where you were - feeling like I will never feel happy again.
It might be time to start a journal if you haven't already done so. Each day, list three things that make you grateful and 3 things that made you sad. It sounds silly but pretty soon you start focusing more on the happy/gratitude.
Hang in there…you will get through this.
BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"
Posts: 917 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 26970
| Posted: 7:40 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
Does he cry thinking about what he lost? Is he missing us?
..changing someone's life forever...and not for the better!
Why do I feel like something has been amputated from my body?
..yup! ..i'm a shadow of my former self..
..hoping for a miracle.
sending you prayers for surviving infidelity.
trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer !!
Posts: 4331 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 30742
| Posted: 7:41 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
I have been where you are now. It takes time, it is hard, you will cry and you will need time. I am 3 years out from initial discover, 18 months out from final separation, 13 months out from him moving out and only 6 months out from divorce.
Life is better than ever. It took a lot of courage, fight and tears to get there. You will too.
Nobody wants to hear this, but time is your friend.
Strength, and hugs to you.
Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.
Posts: 1286 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Member # 41236
| Posted: 8:29 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013|
So devastating. Keep your friends close and those you can rely on. Seek help and assume the strength in a role you were not suppose to be cast in. He is the weak one. You are the strong one. Overcome the devastation and look forward to your own happiness. Do not allow him to write the remaining chapters of your story. I struggle daily to reassert my own identity in a world where we had become one, it's hard, but possible.
Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NC
Member # 30231
| Posted: 12:27 AM, November 18th (Monday), 2013|
It is hard, but it will get better with time, if you take steps to heal and get stronger in the long run.
Imagine this is like having a severe fracture that will heal properly with the right care--it doesn't hurt any less in the meantime.
Me: BH-44. Her: WW-44
Status: after almost two years of hell after
dday, we found our way to true R and just passed the third anniversary of dday with barely a notice of it.
Posts: 189 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Florida
|Topic Posts: 9|