(((beginningagain)))
I think it does slowly get easier. When we first separated and again when I first found out I felt like I was walking around in a fog. I would see couple-y things and tear up. I felt like so much of my life wasn't real and I wanted to hide inside to avoid facing the reality of it all.
What I have found is that giving myself permission to not be "normal" is important, as is saying it's okay to leave plans sooner than expected. What has been most helpful for me is pursuing interest that are mine and mine alone. Not ones that he and I share, but my own passions. I am taking dance classes and it helps me connect with my body in a powerfully positive way. I adopted a cat without any input or feedback from him. I've bought little things here and there to redecorate (took over a year to get to *that* point) without worrying about what he might think. I'm reminding myself of the ways I was a strong, independent woman before him, and even with him, and that I will be a strong, beautiful, independent woman regardless of what my relationship status is.
I don't have any wise words. Just know you are not alone. I'm right there with you. I look at others and envy them because I assume they are not in the same boat. They almost seem to be floating around while I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I wonder how others can be so "normal" and content when, to me, the sky is falling. Forgive the dramatics. I share my experience because I want you to know you are not alone, going crazy, or anything else. We have no choice but to get through this. I choose to believe what wiser SI members say that it does get easier to get out of bed and at some point you will go a whole hour, morning, or evening without experiencing such acute pain.
~~Tao Te Ching
As the cliche says, "one day at a time." And pretty soon you will realize, "Wow, I feel so much better than I did a week/month/year ago." I was exactly where you were - feeling like I will never feel happy again.
It might be time to start a journal if you haven't already done so. Each day, list three things that make you grateful and 3 things that made you sad. It sounds silly but pretty soon you start focusing more on the happy/gratitude.
Hang in there…you will get through this.
Does he cry thinking about what he lost? Is he missing us?
..changing someone's life forever...and not for the better!
..
Why do I feel like something has been amputated from my body?
..yup! ..i'm a shadow of my former self..
..hoping for a miracle.
sending you prayers for surviving infidelity.
smy
Life is better than ever. It took a lot of courage, fight and tears to get there. You will too.
Nobody wants to hear this, but time is your friend.
Strength, and hugs to you.
Imagine this is like having a severe fracture that will heal properly with the right care--it doesn't hurt any less in the meantime.
