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Newest Member: hstones (61101)

User Topic: Really dreading the holidays
♂ 40112
Member # 40112
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Three months into my separation with virtually no contact, and I can feel it getting so much harder to keep my spirits up as the days get shorter, the weather gets colder, and the holidays loom. My family are nice people, but they are not the people to whom I turn for emotional comfort. I have many good friends, but none are single and thus they have their own lives to tend to. I'm starting to feel really lonely. Rejected and alone. I am generally important to many, which I do not take for granted. But I'm special to none. Still hurts a lot.

So I ask, is there any good holiday advice out there? I've been looking into travel, but I fear that if I go someplace alone I'll just feel more lonely. Volunteer tourism costs a fortune and I really can't take the four weeks that most of it requires. Ugh.

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jul 2013
♂ 40268
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow brother, I could have wrote this post myself . I feel the same way. I don't understand it. But I know it is just another hurdle in this mess. I think I will just use my anger and isolate myself, that seems to help me. This is probably not healthy but it works for me . I will only buy gifts for my kids and parents , everyone else can get coal. I will become Scrooge this year, hopefully that helps. I know exactly what you are going through and I am here with you. I am sorry. All the best! Stay strong and proud.

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

Posts: 1028 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
♀ 39199
Member # 39199
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I agree that as the weather is getting colder and the days shorter it's all getting harder to deal with. And as the holidays approach it it seems impossible to get through the days with a . Surround yourself with those who matter the most. Do what you enjoy. Keep busy. Start laughing! Laughter is the best medicine! I wish you the best.

Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2013 | From: PA
♀ 39139
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spending time with your friends is what I plan to do. Even the ones who are married!

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 978 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: BFE
♀ 39694
Member # 39694
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely understand. I remember my first Thanksgiving completely alone. I was dreading it as each day passed and that day approached. After work on Wedneday I went and ordered my favorite chinese food dishes and went to Blockbuster (when they were around!) and got a few drama and action movies. Got up on Thursday, took a shower, conditioned my hair, gave myself a facial, did my nails, etc. I plopped in front of the TV in my PJ's and watched my movies and ate my yummy food. I reminded myself how THANKFUL I was for having peace in my life. I did none of the traditional family things I would have done had I been with family or friends or a significant other. I made that day my own. Don't get me wrong, I woke up that morning really sad and depressed but as the day progressed I was all !

That was 7 years ago and I have had the same tradition since; whether it is with a friend, BF or by myself.

Whatever you do, just be good to yourself.

Me, the "B": 42yo
Him, the "W": 38yo
DDay: June 2013
Status: Over

Posts: 1439 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Virginia
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have found, through my 9 years alone, that the days leading up to a holiday are worse than the actual day and the next day you'll be fine.

In the beginning I was lucky enough to have pitty invites from family to share their meals but my state of mind was so low that I was miserable. But as the years have passed and I am emotionally better, I enjoy being invited out. I know I'm better company than I was at first. Now I'm not obsessing about what I missed.

My advice is to do what YOU want to do. Do something to make yourself happy every day.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
♀ 40564
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me too. Coming up on the first holiday season myself. Dread, dread, dread, dread, dread. Dread. I'm one of those people posting just to let you know you're not alone. I feel the same way you do, and there will be a bunch of us out there struggling through it just like you. I'm trying to accept that this first one will be the worst - it has to be. It can only get better.

But the best posts are the ones from people like Pippy and Irish girl. Thank you both! Voices from the other side. We'll make it.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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