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A night with tears again! Pain never ends!

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Blackhair posted 11/18/2013 01:55 AM

Our SA is finalized in Oct. That is my choice and the only choice I have.

So we are separated. But life is not pretty at this point. Weekend is always the most difficult one for me with three young children.
XWH is in a Philippine again now to be with OW, he is going again three weeks for Christmas and New Year. Vs I am scared to think about the holidays!

He doesn't care about the kids, he asked me to bring my five years old daughter with him, I said no, no chance. Especially with typhoon and many death there, absolutely No.

But why it still bothered me so much what he is doing???? My 5 year old daughter kept on telling me it is OW's BD, it breaks my heart to hear that. I told her OW took daddy away from us.

I even went OLD and met this nice gentleman, but it did not help either...... I do not know what I want, sometimes I wish I did not pushed him to finalize the confused and lost! Tears.....The shit is so hard!

I am just so sad and lonely I guess. So when the pain is going to end?!
Hugs needed please!

Jrazz posted 11/18/2013 02:02 AM

You're not alone, Blackhair.

Sending big hugs.


cmego posted 11/18/2013 06:55 AM

I'm not sure the pain ever really stops, it just becomes background noise as you heal. It isn't quick and it isn't linear, it is a roller coaster of emotions. Best thing you can do is make some new friends and focus on YOUR life. Figure out who you are. Focus on what makes you happy. Second guessing your decision is very normal too.


MovingUpward posted 11/18/2013 07:01 AM


There are many things draining energy from your life. Dealing with your new found separation and then raising a 5 yr old and infant twins is very demanding. I would take cmego's suggestion to try and make some new friends. Maybe check around to see if there is a twins group or multiples group that deals with raising twins. You might find their support and experience valuable.

better4me posted 11/18/2013 09:35 AM


The dreaded word "time" is the only answer to the question of when the pain is going to end. Your pain is so very fresh and so very raw, you need to be gentle with yourself right now. The first holidays alone are the the hardest--the "first" of anything is very scary.

I even went OLD and met this nice gentleman, but it did not help either...
Said very gently--It is too soon. Dating isn't designed to "help" us heal, we need to do our healing before we start to date.

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