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She was nice to me

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RightTrack posted 11/18/2013 22:27 PM

This is what WH's "why" boils down to. I was mean and demanding. And I was. He stopped coming home from work and left me with a full-time job, two kids and three dogs and the house to take care of. I remember being so stressed out and telling him that if he would just come home from work and help me out then I wouldn't be so stressed, that I could get some sleep. He had time for his job and hours of time to have sexy time talk with OW but no time to come home and help me. Yeah, I was angry.

But if he'd have been one tenth as nice to me as he was to her I'd repaid it 1,000 fold - like I had for the first ten years of our marriage. Makes me want to smash up the wedding China.

LifeIsBroken posted 11/18/2013 22:45 PM

Like most waywards, yours has found a way to blame his actions on you. Instead of investing himself in you, your marriage, your children, he chose to cheat. Surely it must have occurred to him at one time or another that if he spent more time at home doing what he should have been doing, he wouldn't have had time for someone else. It's a weak excuse. Don't buy into it. Bottom line: he cheated.

solus sto posted 11/19/2013 07:20 AM

I heard the exact same words.

Mine never moved much beyond that initial infantile response. I hope yours does.

whiteflower99 posted 11/19/2013 17:42 PM

I can so relate to this.
Four kids, two dogs, two cats, one mother ...
And he was taking time to be with HER and neglecting everything else. Damned straight I was a bitch. Our sex life dried up, gee I wonder why? And that was his main excuse/ reason/justification for indulging his little playtime urges.

emotionalgirl posted 11/19/2013 17:54 PM

Yep, my WH reason....she was nice to him and was fun to hang out with, I didn't have time for him and he felt like he was a bother to me. Ummm yea you kinda were when you were whining about me sitting down and playing some stupid video game while I just got home from working overtime at my already more than full time job, the dog is begging to be walked, the grass needs cutting, the dishes are piled in the sink, there are 8 loads of laundry, no groceries and supper needs cooking. When I asked him to cut the grass, his response......I'm so tired I worked way hard at work today. I admit he works 24day stretches with 1 day of and puts in a 10hr day but seriously...come on! He still found time to spend with the hoe OW

If he had spent 1/4 of the time he gave OW doing shit to help out, I would have had to a of time for him. God they are idiots!!!!!!

StillLivin posted 11/19/2013 17:54 PM

I was homorrhaging, he told me he couldn't take me to the ER because he was hungry and wanted to make himself a cheeseburger and home cooked fries first. And, he did. I almost had to take a blood transfusion. It wasn't til I picked up the phone to call 911 for an ambulance that he put his cheeseburger down.
You bet I was mean as I could be when I was better and regained my strength. BTW found out after DD#2 that he was talking on the phone with her almost the whole time he was making his food. And...originally he wanted me to make it but didn't want me to get blood all over the kitchen floor. How nice and thoughtful of him.
Mean, what the f... ever.

emotionalgirl posted 11/19/2013 17:57 PM

OMG stilllivin....that story wins hands down, I'think when I was better I'd of stuck that cheeseburger right up his ass!

StillLivin posted 11/19/2013 18:02 PM

Oh honey, I have more than that, but don't want to t/j RightTrack. Maybe I'll post them one day.
In a nutshell, unremorseful WS only want to point out how mean we are but don't tell the whole story. Why the hell was she so mean. They never tell how they push the buttons they installed or their passive aggressive BS that is emotionally abusive or neglectful!
Really gets me steamed and I would love to spar with her husband.

RightTrack posted 11/19/2013 19:43 PM

Still Living, I'm glad you ARE still around after that! It's no t/j to share these stories, it's kind of what I was thinking anyway. Yeah, why WAS I so mean? I wasn't in the beginning and I put up with crap for years and years.

For me it got so bad that I told him to please move his handgun out of the top drawer because every stressed out day when I would wonder why he wouldn't lift a finger to help me I would contemplate shooting myself.

He moved the gun. He still didn't come home during the kids' waking hours/didn't help. Of course why would he when he had someone NICE to spend time with.

cuppacoffee posted 11/19/2013 21:19 PM

they are such tools.

yeah she would be nice to you. She didn't have to do a damn thing for your lazy ass.

It's the fantasy of it all.
Then she has to wash the shit stained underwear or has to spray your monkey butt with gold bond.

That's the dream.


RightTrack posted 11/19/2013 23:39 PM

Monkey butt! I love it.

StillLivin posted 11/20/2013 09:15 AM

Oh, RightTrack, I feel you about the gun. My STBXH on DD#1 asked me to take the bullets out of MY gun.
Let's just say it wasn't me hurting myself that he was oh so concerned about.
After the bullets were out of the gun, then he started talking shit about how it was all my fault he couldn't keep his usually impotent dick from bopping into Shrek.
Big mistake. BIG BIG mistake.

And, yes, their new feelings of being in lurve are completely built on a fantasy. It's the ones that had their back all those years, who stuck by them even when they were being complete, selfish jerks. All of our loyalty and all of our virtues that made them fall in love with us in the first place gets swept up and tossed out the door.

OK now posted 11/20/2013 09:18 AM

You have to deal with not only his current cheating, but his distorted view of reality.
Theres the problem, even if he gives up the OW and wants to reconcile, how do you carry on a successful marriage with a WH who evaluates everything with such a corrupt perspective? Its always going to be your fault, your mistakes, your errors, while he basks in the moral certainty that he cannot be blamed for any situation that goes bad. He cheats, then complains about your 'nagging' as if the real sin is your justified objection.

Best of luck dealing with this narcissist.

RightTrack posted 11/21/2013 00:15 AM

Yeah, there's the nagging. He annotated his, "After the Affair" book about my always nagging him to "
help" around the house. I laugh now at that phrase even, "help", like it wasn't his responsibility too.

niaveone posted 11/21/2013 07:29 AM

My WS said the same thing. He said she gave him the attention he needed and she reconfirmed to him that he was special. He did the same for her since she wasn't getting it in her marriage.

This was after DDay#1. I told him confirmation comes from within, and one of the big reasons I didn't give him the confirmation he needed is because he didn't give ME that either! After 15 years of constantly needing to give HIM the attention, give HIM the toys, give HIM the nights out with friends....I was DONE. So what does he do? He bails. ugh. And he didn't get it...

After DDay#2, he got it. He realized how checked out he was and how hard I was trying. And he realized he wasn't getting what he wanted anymore from her. The mystery and secrecy was gone from their relationship, so it was so special anymore. Good. Jerk.

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