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Pass (original poster member #38122) posted at 4:58 AM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Part of my MANY issues stemming from my depression is something called Impostor Syndrome: Whenever I do something well, I assume that I faked my way through it, and will eventually be discovered and outed as a fake. My shrink is working on this with me.
I had a really lousy day today, because of The Princess announcing she had "lost" all the pictures of our kids since 2004! You won't have to look very hard to find my profanity-laden post on the subject.
But tonight was the weekly open stage I attend. Most people there play guitar and sing by themselves, but I play either banjo or mandolin instead while singing. Lately, people have been asking me to accompany them on the mandolin. Being me, I've just assume they were being nice, or that they would instantly regret it once I started playing.
This week I accompanied a few people - mostly on songs I had never heard before. When I couldn't figure out the chord progression, I would pick a melody that sounded pretty close to the progression, and would use my method of "mistake management" to make any errors sound like they were intended as part of the melody.
At the end of the night, people were complimenting me, and I felt the usual tightness in my chest from worrying about being discovered as a fake. Then a couple things occurred to me:
#1 - Ten years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do this, so improvising a solo is obviously a skill that I have acquired, and apparently gotten good at.
#2 - Once again, I was trying to convince myself that I'm an impostor. Time to cut that shit out, and enjoy a small success.
So here I go, tooting my own horn: Beep fucking beep, y'all!
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
courageous ( member #34477) posted at 5:28 AM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
That's great that you are finally recognizing the truth about yourself. Music is a very hard skill so you must be very talented
Me: BW (in my 40's) Him: ExWH EA/PA with MOW coworker(also married). He ended up marrying his mistress.
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 6:09 AM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Good for you Pass. I dispute your description. I think it's a huge success.
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
Brandon808 ( member #35619) posted at 6:20 AM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
So glad to read this pass.
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 12:45 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Pass (original poster member #38122) posted at 2:14 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:35 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
That's wonderful, pass.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 2:46 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
That is awesome. thanks for the day brightener!
Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Pass, that is really so cool. I see that incident as "OMG, he is so talented as a musician that he can improvise and express his creativity".
I keep telling myself never to forget the awesomeness that is me. You need to keep repeating that to yourself also. Do NOT sell yourself short - even to yourself.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
sunsetslost ( member #39885) posted at 5:04 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Beep fuckin beep my friend
Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.
k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 5:39 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Good job Pass!!!!
So when can we start with the banjo jokes?
k9
BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.
Pass (original poster member #38122) posted at 5:42 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
So coincidentally, the morning after posting this, I've been offered a gig by the local folk music society! I did a few with my band in the 90s, but this will be my first full set as a solo musician. I'll be singing and playing for a full hour on the afternoon of Sunday, February 2. How frigging cool is that?
Since it is on a weekend, I'll have my boys with me. That means all those bitter songs I've written lately - the ones that say what a slut and harpy their mother is - are off the set list. I guess I need to write some new songs!
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
Pass (original poster member #38122) posted at 5:44 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
And K9, trust me, I've heard ALL the banjo jokes. By the way, you know they make those jokes so stupid so that the guitarists can understand them, right?
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
Helen of Troy ( member #26419) posted at 6:12 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
This is great, pass.
Sometimes it takes a crisis to find out who we really are, our talents, etc. Xwh greedily took the spotlight any time he could get it.
As a single person I don't stand in anyone's shadow anymore.
Lost15 ( member #40898) posted at 6:34 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
That is great to hear Pass! Have your kids heard you perform before? How great it will be for them to see!
me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.
Divorced: Jan 27,2015 (Ds 16th BDay)He rem
msk99 ( member #29293) posted at 6:51 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Big success or little success....it doesn't matter - great you had a measure of success.
BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced
Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
20Hopeful16 ( member #40487) posted at 7:03 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Part of my MANY issues stemming from my depression is something called Impostor Syndrome: Whenever I do something well, I assume that I faked my way through it, and will eventually be discovered and outed as a fake. My shrink is working on this with me.
Wow, that sounds so much like me, I am going to bring it up with my own shrink at my appointment tomorrow!
As for you, way to go! Sounds like you are a fabulous musician, definitely not a fake. Good for you for putting yourself out there and reaping the benefits.
Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life
Pass (original poster member #38122) posted at 8:41 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Lost15, my boys have seen me perform a couple times, but never a full set. However, I've played for them many times. I'm not sure if they'll think this is cool, or more of the same thing. I texted 13 about it, and he was very excited for me. 10 tends to get less excited about things.
20Hopeful16, it's been a real stumbling block for me. How can we enjoy our successes when we spend all our time worried people will "discover" how we faked our way through the whole thing? This is how I've always felt about my job, my relationships, and my hobbies.
Definitely something to talk to your shrink about. There are people out there who actually feel good about things they do well, and some of them even have faith that they can continue to do other things well.
The Princess used this attitude of mine to her full advantage to keep me from getting too uppity. That's probably what kept me under her thumb for as long as I was.
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 8:46 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
I play either banjo
That is so cool!!! I've always wanted to learn to play the banjo.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 12:20 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
That is so cool!!
Congrats on being asked to play a set solo!
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
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