I had a really lousy day today, because of The Princess announcing she had "lost" all the pictures of our kids since 2004! You won't have to look very hard to find my profanity-laden post on the subject.
But tonight was the weekly open stage I attend. Most people there play guitar and sing by themselves, but I play either banjo or mandolin instead while singing. Lately, people have been asking me to accompany them on the mandolin. Being me, I've just assume they were being nice, or that they would instantly regret it once I started playing.
This week I accompanied a few people - mostly on songs I had never heard before. When I couldn't figure out the chord progression, I would pick a melody that sounded pretty close to the progression, and would use my method of "mistake management" to make any errors sound like they were intended as part of the melody.
At the end of the night, people were complimenting me, and I felt the usual tightness in my chest from worrying about being discovered as a fake. Then a couple things occurred to me:
#1 - Ten years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do this, so improvising a solo is obviously a skill that I have acquired, and apparently gotten good at.
#2 - Once again, I was trying to convince myself that I'm an impostor. Time to cut that shit out, and enjoy a small success.
So here I go, tooting my own horn: Beep fucking beep, y'all!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
WOOWHOO!!
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. ― Sarah McMane
I keep telling myself never to forget the awesomeness that is me. You need to keep repeating that to yourself also. Do NOT sell yourself short - even to yourself.
So when can we start with the banjo jokes?
k9
Since it is on a weekend, I'll have my boys with me. That means all those bitter songs I've written lately - the ones that say what a slut and harpy their mother is - are off the set list. I guess I need to write some new songs!
Sometimes it takes a crisis to find out who we really are, our talents, etc. Xwh greedily took the spotlight any time he could get it. As a single person I don't stand in anyone's shadow anymore.
Five simple rules of happiness: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less.
Part of my MANY issues stemming from my depression is something called Impostor Syndrome: Whenever I do something well, I assume that I faked my way through it, and will eventually be discovered and outed as a fake. My shrink is working on this with me.
Wow, that sounds so much like me, I am going to bring it up with my own shrink at my appointment tomorrow!
As for you, way to go! Sounds like you are a fabulous musician, definitely not a fake. Good for you for putting yourself out there and reaping the benefits.
20Hopeful16, it's been a real stumbling block for me. How can we enjoy our successes when we spend all our time worried people will "discover" how we faked our way through the whole thing? This is how I've always felt about my job, my relationships, and my hobbies.
Definitely something to talk to your shrink about. There are people out there who actually feel good about things they do well, and some of them even have faith that they can continue to do other things well.
The Princess used this attitude of mine to her full advantage to keep me from getting too uppity. That's probably what kept me under her thumb for as long as I was.
I play either banjo
That is so cool!!! I've always wanted to learn to play the banjo.
