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A long term within a long term

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LivinginLimbo posted 11/19/2013 06:26 AM

Initially, my FWH told me that he was with four AP's. I was under the impression that three were brief and I focused on the 7 year LTA. It's not as if I gave him a pass on the others, it was the enormity of how long it lasted that I had difficulty with.

A couple of weeks ago we sat down to talk. During that discussion he mentioned that one of the other 3 AP's affair took place during the last two years of the 7 year LTA. In other words, he had a concurrent 2 year A within the 7 year A.

Since I technically knew about the others, he was under the impression that I was only concerned about the longest one. Guess again. Now I feel like even more of a fool for not having a clue any of this was going on. I did say "so, when you were juggling three of us, exactly how much attention were you giving me?" He looked down and sheepishly said "none."

The 2 year LTA ended when she moved away. I guess there's a teeny bit of satisfaction in knowing he was cheating on his AP'S but honestly, what does that say about me? I feel like the Queen Schmuck.

UGH!! While he's been doing all the right things, this is definitely a setback. I'm heading back to IC today. I need a pep talk (or a smack upside the head) telling me that continuing to R is still the right thing.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

AFrayedKnot posted 11/19/2013 06:52 AM

what does that say about me?

To me it says it had nothing to do with you. It tells me that it was all about his brokenness and nothing would have been enough.

New information seems like a setback and it is in regards to processing the truth. But it is a step forward in understanding the truth.

New information is just that, new information. It is not new hurt even though it feels that way.

Take care of yourself while you process it. Don't take responsibility for it. Its not about you, none of it was.

RipsInMyChest posted 11/19/2013 07:55 AM

It says only that you trusted your WH. Nothing wrong with love and trust....it's only wrong to take advantage of someone else's love and trust. (((LIL)))

LivinginLimbo posted 11/20/2013 15:14 PM

Thanks. I had an IC session yesterday and it helped to be able to talk about it.

Logically, I know that his decision to cheat is entirely on him. Still, being taken advantage of like this is so difficult.

Again, thanks for lending an ear and for the support. It means a great deal.

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