Go to the healing library. That has helped me a lot. Keep posting when you need to. There are amazing people here who are all at different stages of this horrible journey.
She is also married and I doubt her husband has any idea.
The very first thing I would do is tell her husband. He deserves to know what his wife is doing.
Hugs to you.
It pains me to see young mothers (or anyone) in this kind of pain. I wish this were not happening to you but since it is you have come to the right place. There are many caring people here and some who are going through exactly what you are.
So, I guess that's a wordy way of encouraging you to let the other woman's husband know.
Would you not deserve to know? To have the right to make choices for yourself?
Unfortunately, you cannot nice a WH back to your side. If that were possible, then this site would be deserted because that's the first thing that most people try.
But I do feel that if I tell the OW's husband any chance of reconciliation between my husband and j will be gone.
You don't have much of a chance right now. He's fired you from the job of wife you don't even know where he is, what he does, and who he's doing whatever with. If you allow him to continue to cake eat, then why would he stop? This could go on for months, this killing limbo. But if you tell the BH what's going on, you gain another pair of eyes watching out for contact. It's very likely that the OW will throw your WH under the bus to try to save her marriage.
I would also suggest that your next move is to contact a lawyer and find out what your rights are concerning spousal and child support. And custody of your children. You don't have to pull the trigger on a legal separation or divorce, but you should know what you are entitled to and how to go about pulling that trigger if you need to. Knowledge is power. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I know how hard this is, but your best bet is to get her out of the picture. The 180 might not be a bad idea either. Remember, it's only meant to make you stronger.
It is not being nasty, spiteful or vengeful. It is outing the affair. Until the ugliness is out for all to see, it will continue to grow and fester.