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Taurus517 posted 11/19/2013 11:24 AM

Off subject here but do have a question. After having a talk with the W last night. She mentioned the time I was messing with a female was off and this was before me and W ever met. I started to question it this morning. Would it be considered cheating if you were dating someone and was also messing around with someone else. There was no official title and it was a summer fling. Would that still be considered cheating. Trying to figure out if this would be my first time being a cheater or not. Thank You

Aubrie posted 11/19/2013 11:31 AM

For myself, yes it was cheating.

I was dating a guy. Expected him to be faithful to me. He wasn't. I knew it. Figured if he could do it, so could I.

I made out with some random Joe in the back of a car on Valentine's Day night. Also hooked-up with a co-worker multiple times. I was very young. 17. I still consider it cheating because I know my "reasons" and "logic" behind my actions.

Darkness Falls posted 11/19/2013 11:35 AM

I think it would be if there was an understanding of exclusivity between you and the person you were dating.

Sammy2013 posted 11/19/2013 12:45 PM

BS here, no stop sign, hope it's ok to respond.

General rule is, if you feel the need to keep it a secret from the other person you were involved with, it's cheating.

Taurus517 posted 11/20/2013 01:03 AM

thanks for the response and Sammy its cool, I wanted feedbacks from everyone and does it apply to a summer fling where you knew it was just temporary??

Sammy2013 posted 11/20/2013 01:15 AM

I guess it all depends on what you felt while doing it. If you felt guilty, or like it would hurt her to know, then yes, it was cheating. Does that make sense?

Taurus517 posted 11/20/2013 01:20 AM

Sammy, it does make sense. thanks. Really trying to figure out where did it started to lead me to where I am now which caused the A. In a sense if I didnt care when it was a summer fling ( this all took place before I met my spouse) or feel guilty but still messing around, overall that makes me a bad person because looking at it now, its bad regardless.

Softcentre posted 11/20/2013 01:28 AM

In a sense if I didnt care when it was a summer fling ( this all took place before I met my spouse) or feel guilty but still messing around, overall that makes me a bad person because looking at it now, its bad regardless.

No...

Yes the choice to do it is wrong and harmful, but it's also part of a poor coping mechanism. Unless you're a sociopath or NPD, the not feeling is a form of protecting the very vulnerable you, something you learned to do as a child. It means you're broken. But that brokenness can be worked on...and you're already doing that by being honest with yourself about this kind of thing. You're not an irreparably bad person, you're a broken person who is working on getting better.

But you do seem to have a problem with the idea that you could be 'bad' - maybe something to work on in IC?

[This message edited by Softcentre at 1:32 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

Sammy2013 posted 11/20/2013 11:07 AM

Yes the choice to do it is wrong and harmful, but it's also part of a poor coping mechanism. Unless you're a sociopath or NPD, the not feeling is a form of protecting the very vulnerable you, something you learned to do as a child. It means you're broken. But that brokenness can be worked on...and you're already doing that by being honest with yourself about this kind of thing. You're not an irreparably bad person, you're a broken person who is working on getting better.

But you do seem to have a problem with the idea that you could be 'bad' - maybe something to work on in IC?

^^^^ This. I couldn't figure out how to say that. Thank you Softcentre.

Taurus517 posted 11/21/2013 22:33 PM

Softcentre thank you for that. I have been learning about my childhood and I am broken come finding out.

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