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I have been in a funk the last few days. This past weekend was the two years since their sexcapades in our house. Dday antivrrsary is coming up next weekend.

I had this dream last night, and I rarely ever remember my dreams. We went away on vacation and we took the OM with us. We took him to tell him that after 2 years we have finally healed and he is forgiven. When it came time to approach him, we couldn't do it. We grabbed DS4 and ran from the house. The rest of the dream was full of obstacles that we faced on our run, such as bad weather, giant ladders, foreign people we couldn't communicate with, falling in mud puddles.

What the f is this supposed to mean?

That you shouldn't eat a 12" pizza before going to bed?

Dreams are odd. I don't even want to recount the one I had last night. I don't think they always have to mean something. You could just be a little hyper vigilant because your 2nd anti is coming up. I just went through mine.

Dreams are odd.

Tred, you're not kidding there. I had a full on zombie apocalypse dream.

Chicho,

I believe dreams can sometimes mean something but it doesn't always have to be the case. Sometimes our dreams don't give us answers, just dilemmas.

I totally believe in dreams speaking to us. Maybe it means that on some level you feel you wanting to make some unnatural peace with the OM in your head, forgive and let it completely go, but when it comes right down to it that's not the direction you're moving. You are moving together completely away from the A. There are still obstacles for you to get through, journeys for you to take, circumstances you can't control, communication issues, the everyday messiness of life - but you are getting through them together, and as a family. Your life together is so much more than the A. I think it's a good dream.

My H always asked what he was doing in my dreams - usually he was cheating on me, ignoring me, walking away from me, or not in them at all. I had a dream a few months back where he was protecting me. I realized it was the first time I'd ever had a dream like that, and it felt really good.

Dreams are weird but yours was totally normal IMO. I remember my dreams frequently and yours sounds like what I call my frustration dreams. Simply, you are stressed about something. Since your dream was about OM and forgiving him, I think plainpain is right that you are struggling with that idea. But the obstacles were just there to represent your frustration. I have had versions of this kind of dream for years.

Speaking of dreams, want to hear something weird? I used to dream that H and I got divorced but regretted it and were trying to get back together. Very frequent dream before Dday. After Dday....not once.

Sorry to hear you are in a funk. I am guessing it is to do with the antiversary coming up and you might be pressuring yourself to forgive OM. Don't force it. Do something nice for yourself.

Hey Chicho

I agree with plainpain and reallysad. It appears your mind is letting you know you are not ready to forgive the OM and are still running the obstacle course of R.

Go easy on you. Carve out some time for yourself and relax. The anti will come and go and you will still be standing strong.

(((hugs)))

I think it means you've got a really shitty antiversary coming up, and your inner wisdom is telling you NC is the best way to stay healed. He's not a threat, but you still don't owe him a damn thing. As I say, that's my reading.

Haha Sisoon, Here's the hit with the OM. It has nothing yet everything to do with him.

We are active members of a 12 step fellowship. 18 months ago we walked away from our area, support network, and friends to avoid the OM. We travel out of the area to different meetings in different towns. It is adequate but not home. We have not formed a real connection or network.

By maintaining NC we are staying pprisoners of the A. Catch-22.

I want my fucking life back!!!

ETA: this would not be like seeing him at the grocery store or a restaurant. In meeting you share thoughts and feelings struggles and triumphs. It would be like going to an IC session with the AP sitting across the room

ETA#2: plainpain thank you for your post it made me tear up

[This message edited by Chicho at 5:55 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)]

Chicho,

I had to respond to this, I dream frequently (understatement) and very vividly and remember them.

I took a nap today, as I was off and did not sleep well last night, dreams.

I awoke from a dream today, going to our old home, (this is our only home), with my mother (who has passed) to retrieve the mail and phone messages and my dog that I left behind (she has passed also)berating myself for leaving her helpless, struggling with keys that don't work and realizing I don't even have a key while a guitarist outside plays and sings "A new way to fly".

So many ways to interpret. I think that many of my dreams are my subconscious trying to work out today. It can be very disconcerting and feel so real.

No point at all your post just struck me. I dream all the time about h leaving me. It happened so I think I am still while awake or asleep trying to find a way to live with the reality.

The dreams seem to change depending on what issue I am struggling with at the moment.

Sweet dreams in our future.

I remember as a child I used to "plan" my dreams. I would decide what I wanted to dream about as I fell asleep, it actually worked a lot of the time. I think I will try that again, don't know if it will still work but definitely worth a shot.

That is AWFUL. No advice, just sympathy and best wishes.