SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Holly-Isis posted 11/19/2013 16:00 PM

I recently learned that the relative of a good friend is now one of our number. I met her a few years ago and thought, "This is someone I could be friends with." They were moving away for her H's job and now, because of the A, might be moving back. Not how I wanted to see more of the BW.

I feel for her and I certainly never thought I would hear her H was a WH. They have had a close, abiding relationship that has weathered other storms. They've raised a large family...in fact just had another child. And now he wants to leave them all. In fact has threatened them if he doesn't get his freedom. He's planning on moving OW into their very small town and the BW is likely moving home with the kids.

The thing is, this has triggered me horribly. As in, my friend was talking about it today and I started crying. Had to leave the room to collect myself. My friend said she could tell even before that because it was all over my face that this really hit me. I hurt for the BW and the kids, yes; but I'm surprised at the depth that this hits me.

This is the time of the year the 2A was in full swing and no matter how I try to move past it, the feel of the air getting chilly triggers me anyhow. And my IC has been in the hospital since shortly after school started. So I come here to SI to try and check in.

Is this because I'm in limbo and we never really dealt with the infidelity in our M? Or have those of you who consider yourself healed experienced the same visceral reaction?

Skan posted 11/19/2013 17:01 PM

Oh, I have those visceral reactions. A damned comic strip can set me off let alone finding out that someone else has been betrayed. Every bit of my empathy bursts through the surface.

whiteflower99 posted 11/19/2013 17:12 PM

Wow, there are many things that can set me off or trigger me. Movies, songs, books...
I was watching Grownups Two and the relationship between two of the female characters is so damned close to my situation with COW...
When I hear about real situations with people I know it is a major trigger.

h0peless posted 11/19/2013 17:15 PM

I recently found out that the husband of a co-worker was in the beginnings of a one sided EA. I didn't sleep for two days. It put me in a tough spot because I wanted to be a good friend to her but was very aware of the fact that trying to be there for her as a friend in her vulnerable state could be really dangerous. Fortunately, she has other female friends at work who have been good sounding boards for her.

Holly-Isis posted 11/20/2013 05:22 AM

I was feeling so...frustrated...screwed up...hopeless...because I'm so far out and this hit me. Maybe not like d-day but like I big reveal after TT, KWIM?

For the most part infidelity in movies or on TV don't trigger me. So this has taken me aback.

TheThreeYearFool posted 11/20/2013 09:19 AM

I just saw that the woman who was my very first supervisor back when I started at my job 14 years ago is changing her name back to her maiden name. I've known her for the entire time under her xWH's last name.

They divorced because he was a serial cheater. Now I understand how she must have felt. Then again, she had the strength to end it despite the fact that they had two kids, and I judge myself as weak in comparison.

Meanwhile my former boss also still works here, as does her xWH. Right down the hall from his new, slightly more than half his age girlfriend. I never got along with my old boss but my heart hurts for her now.

Maybe a lesson that I will take from this is to have more empathy for the suffering of others.

ascian posted 11/20/2013 09:36 AM

No big breakdowns, but yeah it hits me like a punch to the gut.

sisoon posted 11/20/2013 13:33 PM

Beyond measure.