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Holly-Isis (original poster member #13447) posted at 10:00 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
I recently learned that the relative of a good friend is now one of our number. I met her a few years ago and thought, "This is someone I could be friends with." They were moving away for her H's job and now, because of the A, might be moving back. Not how I wanted to see more of the BW.
I feel for her and I certainly never thought I would hear her H was a WH. They have had a close, abiding relationship that has weathered other storms. They've raised a large family...in fact just had another child. And now he wants to leave them all. In fact has threatened them if he doesn't get his freedom. He's planning on moving OW into their very small town and the BW is likely moving home with the kids.
The thing is, this has triggered me horribly. As in, my friend was talking about it today and I started crying. Had to leave the room to collect myself. My friend said she could tell even before that because it was all over my face that this really hit me. I hurt for the BW and the kids, yes; but I'm surprised at the depth that this hits me.
This is the time of the year the 2A was in full swing and no matter how I try to move past it, the feel of the air getting chilly triggers me anyhow. And my IC has been in the hospital since shortly after school started. So I come here to SI to try and check in.
Is this because I'm in limbo and we never really dealt with the infidelity in our M? Or have those of you who consider yourself healed experienced the same visceral reaction?
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 11:01 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Oh, I have those visceral reactions. A damned comic strip can set me off let alone finding out that someone else has been betrayed. Every bit of my empathy bursts through the surface.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
whiteflower99 ( member #13937) posted at 11:12 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
Wow, there are many things that can set me off or trigger me. Movies, songs, books...
I was watching Grownups Two and the relationship between two of the female characters is so damned close to my situation with COW...
When I hear about real situations with people I know it is a major trigger.
What are you pretending not to know?
me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.
h0peless ( member #36697) posted at 11:15 PM on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013
I recently found out that the husband of a co-worker was in the beginnings of a one sided EA. I didn't sleep for two days. It put me in a tough spot because I wanted to be a good friend to her but was very aware of the fact that trying to be there for her as a friend in her vulnerable state could be really dangerous. Fortunately, she has other female friends at work who have been good sounding boards for her.
Holly-Isis (original poster member #13447) posted at 11:22 AM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
I was feeling so...frustrated...screwed up...hopeless...because I'm so far out and this hit me. Maybe not like d-day but like I big reveal after TT, KWIM?
For the most part infidelity in movies or on TV don't trigger me. So this has taken me aback.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
TheThreeYearFool ( member #41218) posted at 3:19 PM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
I just saw that the woman who was my very first supervisor back when I started at my job 14 years ago is changing her name back to her maiden name. I've known her for the entire time under her xWH's last name.
They divorced because he was a serial cheater. Now I understand how she must have felt. Then again, she had the strength to end it despite the fact that they had two kids, and I judge myself as weak in comparison.
Meanwhile my former boss also still works here, as does her xWH. Right down the hall from his new, slightly more than half his age girlfriend. I never got along with my old boss but my heart hurts for her now.
Maybe a lesson that I will take from this is to have more empathy for the suffering of others.
Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?
ascian ( member #40304) posted at 3:36 PM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
No big breakdowns, but yeah it hits me like a punch to the gut.
Me - BH 41
Her - FWW 38
D-Day: 8/13
Reconciled
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:33 PM on Wednesday, November 20th, 2013
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
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