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Newest Member: Howtotrust (61551)

User Topic: Really bad day
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The pain today and tonight has been excruciating. The reality that we are not surviving this is settling in like slow painful poison through my body. You always hear that saying, that life can change on a dime, but man when it happens, wow. And to a perfectly good life. One I was proud of. The destruction of our good marriage and happy family is the most incredibly huge waste. And for what? A new piece of ass. My entire life, my children's lives, for a new piece of ass. Not even love, just new ass, new "cow".

5 months and 11 days ago I would have told you that we had it all. Had he made a different choice, loved me enough, loved himself enough, loved our family enough, we could have had it all forever, instead we are now destroyed, never to return to that happy family again. I hear my kids playing downstairs and laughing and I can only think of the pain they will feel when we have to tell them that all these months of fighting are ending in what they fear the most. My 8YO DD is going to be devastated. She's been trying to get us to stop fighting. She hears us at night when she is supposed to be asleep. She knows so much more than she should. Talk about heartbreak. We've failed her and she does not deserve this.

He was my best friend back then, my person. My favorite person. And now I don't know who the hell he is, I don't know who the hell he's ever been. I've been duped. To say the cost of his "fun" is immense is the biggest understatement of the century. I'm so sad.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Oldcow18))))). I wish I could magically take the pain away for all of us.

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 377 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ 38427
Member # 38427
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My God, OC, I feel for you. I am hurting for you, and especially for your daughter as well. I don't have any magic words to say to you, but want you to know that I am going to say a special prayer for you and your family and that you are all in my thoughts. I sincerely mean this, and I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. You hurt because you care.

"Son, you've got the future- shining like a piece of gold, but I swear as we get closer- it looks more like a lump of coal"

Posts: 137 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Ohio
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You will do this. You will make it through in a year you will be amazed at how much better your life is. You and your dd will be happy strong women. You feel broken now but guess what when you heal and come back together those scars make you stronger.

Hang in there sister you will be ok. Deep breaths. Be strong.

((((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13298 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh OC, my heart is breaking for you.

I'm sorry you're so sad. I'm sorry this happened to you. It is so not fair.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1162 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
♂ 41391
Member # 41391
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was hardest for me thinking about our DD an how her mother not being here effected her. I can also tell you as the child of divorced parents the long run it's better. My mom found a better man and my dad wasn't forced to spend time with children he didn't want. Show your daughter what a woman should expect from a man, from a good partner. You are doing better for her in the long run. Not trying to belittle it, but think of it as forcing her to eat her vegetables. Not good tasting now but it will help you grow strong.

Hang in there, you can do this.

BS: Me 31
FWW: Her 31
Together 10 years, married 7
Her: 10 month PA
Me: 2 year EA (realized after finding out about hers that maybe I went a little to far with my "friend")
One DD:4
D-day 1: Jan 8th 2013
D-day 2: May 18th 2013
In R

Posts: 8 | Registered: Nov 2013
sinsof thefather
♀ 29295
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 4:13 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC, my heart breaks for you. ((((Hugs))) But please don't ever think this;

We've failed her and she does not deserve this.

You have not failed your daughter, your husband has. None of this is on you. On the contrary you have been the one trying the hardest for your children and their future. Eventually, if he still can't get his head out of his butt and you do decide to divorce their father it will always have been with their best interests at heart. Please don't carry the blame that is rightfully his to bear. You are a good mum to your children and you have not failed them.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 2378 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
♂ 40268
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry , I know the pain very well and I wish I could take it away. Now it is your time. Mourn the loss and focus on you and your daughter. Focus on setting a good example for her. She will understand and you will be fine. Although it is hard to see now. Trust me . You deserve better your child deserves better. Nobody should endure infidelity in a committed relationship. I don't know what your screen name means because I see a spring chicken!! Stay strong , I wish you all the best.

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

Posts: 1028 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
♀ 39532
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Our DDays are one apart. We've been walking this path the last 5 odd months together and my heart is breaking for you. You're in my prayers. May you have strength and enough moments of peace to get you through this.

BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
♀ 20082
Member # 20082
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my wow...Your post hits so close to home for me, right down to the 8yo DD. And I too thought that WH and I were happy, Just TWO MONHTS ago. And now, he's just throwing away a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and the possibility of an amazing life together for a stupid EA with a married woman and a new group of friends who throw validation kibbles at him every day. Such a waste. And the worst part of it all is that he is teaching DD that this is what men do to women...I will fight til my last breath to teach her otherwise.

Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lisaloo, wow, yes, WH also has a new set of friends. They replaced his need for distraction after his A ended. They are completely separate from OW, but still, it's his new thing to focus on instead of, you know, our marriage.

Sins, I agree that he has failed, but in engaging in the fighting since d-day that DD has overheard, I have failed too. I should have protected her, and DS better from what was happening. And DS6 is such a sweet little man, 2 weeks ago he heard me crying and he was so freaking cute telling me that I'm pretty and that daddy should buy me flowers. Breaks my heart that he is in this position as well.

Thank you everyone who has posted, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have your support and mostly UNDERSTANDING.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 41102
Member # 41102
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hugs))) OC

I can totally relate with suddenly not recognizing my STBXH. He's like a stranger. A stranger I was with for almost 14 years.

Me: 36 and awesome (now 38)
Him: 37 and a douche (otherwise known as DB)

DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, together 14

DS 8, DD 5

Finally officially divorced after almost 4 years

Posts: 96 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ontario
Topic Posts: 12

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