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I am his puppet.

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heartbroken2012 posted 11/20/2013 10:13 AM

Yep. I have been sad lately. WH doesnt want to know about it much. Sometimes.

Today we drove to work. He had a meeting. There is this woman he works with SOMETIMES, and I dont like him tlaking or being around her. Saw her walk into the building at the same time. I texted him saying I saw that. He said sorry and that he loved me. I told him he probably talked to her (he claims they dont talk much at all).

At break I questioned him about the meeting. I questioned him about the girl. I guess I went overboard, he said he was being interrogated. And that if something happened he would tell me, I made a remark about the A, and that he has to build trust. He got mad. He got mad at me for friending a old woman in his dept on Facebook, saying I dont really know her (I met her and we have seen each other a couple times and she stops and talks to me and knows my family) and he got mad that i didnt tell him. I told him I didnt think it was a big deal, and he accused me to doing it ONLY TO SPY on him. I told him if he doesnt have anything to hide, why think its spying? And no I didnt add her for that.

We walked away mad, and he said we needed to talk more at lunch and I ruined our break.

He texted me saying I think I can be very mean to him and he just take it. I hurt his feelings about the trust thing. He said he was angry.


SOOOOO

i folded like I always do, and texted him back that i was sorry and I love him etc etc and I do trust him some and I overreacted etc etc.

I am so scared for him to be mad at me, and I hate him not talking to me, and i fear he will leave me. So I always fold and apologize.

And even know Im freaking out because I am so scared he will leave me, threaten to leave me, be mad at me, etc....It scares me to death. I do love him and i hurt from what he did. Even tho he is making everything all about him, I still cant hold my ground.

confused615 posted 11/20/2013 10:30 AM

he is angry that you are friends with an older woman who works with him?

Red flag.

If he isn't doing anything wrong, he wouldn't have said what he said. It sounds like he is worried that this woman will report something back to you..because there IS something to report. If he was behaving, then I would think he would welcome your friendship with this woman..further proof that you can trust him. Instead,he is angry.

Honey...the OW...you have mentioned many times that she seems to always be behind his car when they leave the parking lot. She smirks at you. He is unremorseful and angry.

Are you sure this affair is over? Are you sure there is NC?

And..why are you apologizing for not trusting him? He has done nothing to make you feel safe. Of course you don't trust him! only a fool would..and you're not a fool.

You love him? Why? Im not being flippant. I really think you should think about that.

Does he love you? Is he *loving* you? Love is an action. His actions are not those of a man who loves you. He is abusive and cruel.

He knows you're scared he will leave. So he knows he can treat you as shitty as he wants,and you will not only stay, you will apologize to him for being upset that he is treating you like shit. As long as he knows you will tolerate his bullshit, he hold all the power. An an unremorseful,angry,WS who hold all the power....is a death sentence for a betrayed spouses soul.

180 180 180 180.

Ostrich80 posted 11/20/2013 12:05 PM

I think he's over reacting about your fbk friend, which is kind of suspicious. If he knows your fear is him leaving you, your right, he knows he's got you and your not going to push to hard. He knows if he gets pissed about questions, you will apologize and back off. Maybe he needs to have fear of you leaving. Just a thought but really, he knows you will be there.

StillLivin posted 11/20/2013 13:35 PM

And even know Im freaking out because I am so scared he will leave me, threaten to leave me, be mad at me, etc....It scares me to death. I do love him and i hurt from what he did. Even tho he is making everything all about him, I still cant hold my ground
.

Honey, this is no way to live. I'd bet my last dollar that 99% of the BSs here felt the same way at one point. I know I did. I put on a strong front, but many times I caved in too.

You are stronger than you think. Perhaps at this point, you just haven't had enough of the blameshifting and hurt yet. I hope your breaking point comes soon so that you won't suffer much more.

I won't even bother addressing the other crap he is throwing at you, because it is just that crap. Gaslighting and blameshifting at its finest. Sheesh.

You need to defend yourself as if you were your own child. Think. If one of your children was being treated this way, how fast would you go on the attack to defend them from this kind of abuse?
Why do you love yourself any less?

You don't have to be confrontational to stand your ground. I say again, you are stronger than you think!!!!

Edith posted 11/20/2013 14:58 PM

(((heartbroken2012)))

E.

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