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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: Having a hard time this week.
No12turn2
♂ 40996
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been having a streak of "Sad days". I went home and told my WW that I was having a really hard time and I needed a long hug. She agreed but seemed annoyed. This later lead to her cutting into me again and letting me know that I shouldn't get my hopes up.

Just feel like I need some support. The hurt has been lingering this week.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for her cruelty, how awful.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
marlie2014
♀ 40981
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an awful thing to say. It's so difficult when the person you used to go to for your comfort becomes the person who's the cause of your need for comfort!

(((hugs)))

We're here for you, anyway.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
Crushed1
♀ 6449
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((No12turn2)))) Cyber hugs coming your way. I'm sorry you're having a rough week. I wouldn't pin any hopes on a wayward who is actually telling you NOT to get your hopes up.

You can DETACH emotionally, it will save you more heartache and make you stronger so you will have the strength to make it through this.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9818 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
No12turn2
♂ 40996
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crushed,
I'm all for detachment. I fully expect to do so when she finally moves out of the house. That has been my biggest issue. Can't just leave myself because of the kids.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
LearningToRun
♀ 31353
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You cannot go to her for support anymore. This is faulty thinking on your part. She is no longer that person.

It sucks, i know. But the sooner you drop having expectations of her acting like a compassionate person the better.


Posts: 312 | Registered: Feb 2011
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is beyond cold. I'm sorry she can't show you any kind of support or even remorse. Have you read up on the 180? This may be the perfect time to start.

I'm so sorry.

Sending you strength and (((HUGS))).

You know you can always turn to us for support and ton of virtual hugs.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
♂ 40996
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, It's just SO EFFING hard to be around that person everyday. Just knowing that we are both counting the days/weeks until she can afford to leave.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
No12turn2
♂ 40996
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crying at work now. Geezus


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man, gosh I wish I could just give you a real hug!
I know you can't fathom it now, but it will get better. I remember having to go hide in the bathroom because I just couldn't hold the tears in anymore.
As for turning to her for comfort, you just can't. It is more damaging.
My dog was bitten by a rattlesnake 3X a few weeks back. I didn't even hesitate in calling my STBXH. We had been NC for maybe a month and a half/two months at that point. At first, he was just as upset, but he attacked me for not being able to afford over $5000 on my own to pay for his vet care.
I blasted him. Felt good at the time, well hell's bells, it still sometimes brings a smile to my face! However, I just didn't have the heart to deal with his ugliness anymore. I've been NC since then.
Please go NC so you don't have to feel this same devastation. You will be so happy you did it later.
NC=no new hurts.
Hang in there, it will get better. Try to go to friends, read a book in a different room, do yard work, anything to not be in her presence.
Right now, she doesn't even deserve to see you, smell you, or think of you. She really doesn't. You deserve peace and no new hurts!
(((No12turn2)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2498 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Support sent. I was forced to live with my 1st CXW for a year and a half while custody was decided. Got to a point where she filed false DV charges. After that didn't work, she just started having her *dates* pick her up at the house.

I know where you're coming from.

180, 180, 180 and then for variety, 180. Work on you. Exclude her from as much of your life as you can. She is the LAST person you should be turning to for support. She thinks that you will be there if she changes her mind. Disabuse her of that notion.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3159 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I had another thought.
Take a dance class in the evenings. It will get you out of the house. Shoot, take your kids to dance class too!
You will be able to focus on something fun outside of her crazy little games world!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2498 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shoot, take your kids to dance class too!

Or karate. There are a lot of dojos that do family style martial arts these days.

I agree with the others, when it comes to doing the 180 and detachment.

Look at it this way: you went to your wife for comfort, and you got the opposite of comfort. The opposite of comfort is what you should expect from her from now on. She's shown you who she is, and she is a person that is undeserving of you.

Hang in there. Sending you strength.


Posts: 7984 | Registered: Dec 2010
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She agreed but seemed annoyed. This later lead to her cutting into me again and letting me know that I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Wow, no wonder you're having a hard time.

Bottom line to me is that is she isn't remorseful and has no real empathy. I've seen posts from remorseful WS here on SI and I feel confident saying they would post (actually I believe they have posted) about how grateful they were their BS turned to them for comfort. They were grateful for any chance to help heal their pain because they truly wanted to R.

You don't have that unfortunately. My advice is, like so many others have said, to detach. You cannot have your emotional health and healing be contingent upon her actions at all.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4081 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
endlessabsurdity
40249
Member # 40249
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She agreed but seemed annoyed.

This makes my blood boil. It also raises a shadow of the hurt and anxiety I felt when my unremorseful spouse would act in similar ways towards me while I thought we were working towards reconciliation. Your WW is definitely not remorseful.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, It's just SO EFFING hard to be around that person everyday. Just knowing that we are both counting the days/weeks until she can afford to leave.

^^^This! I completely know how this feels. Some days it's just so crushing. My husband won't even look at me when I'm talking to him about something regarding the kids.

It sucks to say the least. I hope your day gets better for you. Is there something you can do, a hobby perhaps, that will get you through the rough days?

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 3:22 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
♂ 40996
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By the time I get home and help the kids with homework, it's time to get started dinner. She usually makes it home from work about then and I clean up a little. She does absolutely nothing in the house. I'm going to make it a point to get out with the girls and do something. Thanks!


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
heartbroken2012
♀ 38089
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No1,

I am in the same place. Having some sad days...looking for support and nothing. WH does nothing in the house, I have to do it all. And all you want to do is go to that person for support and love and they arent giving it to you.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 557 | Registered: Jan 2013
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be there when she gets home. Be at a park, a movie or the swimming pool. Don't cook for her. Don't do her dishes. Quit giving her the support you have for years. If you do the laundry, let hers sit. Make it a point to enjoy your life. Have the kids help cook.

Point being, 180. Do it for you.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3159 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No12turn2
You really need to simplify your life right now.
Dinner, tuna sandwhiches and cucumber salad, or hamburger helper with fruit salad.
Do NOT cook enough for her. Or better yet, if you have a relatively healthy restaurant to take the girls, you three only go do martial arts, museum, dance class, whatever and then go out to eat..no dishes. Come home, don't do her dishes. Clean the absolute mimimum. This crap can really take a toll on your health. Try to get the 8 hours of sleep. Benadryl helped me in the beginning. Now, I don't really need it that often anymore.
I promise, it does get easier. Unfortunately, you will have to go through the pain in order to properly heal. When the sobs come, go with it, let it all out. It's a process and takes time.
I know you are a male, but hit the gym when you can and then give yourself the gift of massages. It's healing. Go for walks, bike rides, runs. It's a little easier to lift the depression when you are surrounded by beautiful nature. It's fall so everything is so colorful right now.
Take the girls to a pumpking patch and hay rides if you have that where you live.
It is hard summoning up the energy to get out of bed sometimes, so rest when you need it, but recognize when you need to get up and get moving too!
Come here often! We are all here for each other.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 4:13 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2498 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 46
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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