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Newest Member: Ibelieved (46047)

User Topic: Adult Friend Finder
bonnets
♀ 41393
Member # 41393
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband of 20 yrs was caught a few times by me using porn. Same response every time:

1. Anger at me, calling me names, mostly crazy, saying I am crazy when I call him on it.

2. Sorrow, or it seems, because I threaten to leave him.

3. Tries to do what I ask to make me forget, listen to a sermon tape, or read a spiritual book

This cycle has been repeated over and over. I caught him again recently.

Time before last he was on Adult Friend Finder. Is this a dating site? Would men use this "just to look?" Or is it, "just to hook?"

This last time, I tried to dig up why he was on Friend Finder, no response, claims he has no idea what it is.

I have children that love their father. He is basically a good man, but I can't take this porn stuff. He lives a double life.


Posts: 12 | Registered: Nov 2013
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AFF is a dating site for some, but really it's for hooking up. Rarely would a man join the site to just look. There is no need with all of the free porn available on the internet. If you don't pay for a membership, you really can't look at anything anyhow or communicate with people. Standard members are very limited.

[This message edited by lieshurt at 2:25 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13881 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This...
Anger at me, calling me names, mostly crazy, saying I am crazy when I call him on it.
...seems to contradict this...
He is basically a good man

I agree with lieshurt, if he is on AFF then he using it to hook up.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Jls0320
♀ 41192
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a hook up site, but even if it wasn't, why is a married man on there to look? Red flag. My H also was on sites just to look he says, not cool in my world


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, sex addict, then 12 mos EA/2 mos PA with co-worker whore
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2014, 1/26/14, 7/28/14 broke NC, 8/7/14 (papers served that day) 2 mos PA began. Separated, R during divorce?

Posts: 531 | Registered: Nov 2013
LivinginLimbo
♀ 35004
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's advertised as being for those who want "no strings attached" sex. It's where my FWH found all the AP's he hooked up with.

While standard members are limited, there's plenty of free amateur porn that they can see. A standard member can see the disgusting photos, blogs, etc. I'm not sure as far as communicating goes, but I am under the impression that you can exchange emails without buying a membership.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1068 | Registered: Mar 2012
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While standard members are limited, there's plenty of free amateur porn that they can see. A standard member can see the disgusting photos, blogs, etc. I'm not sure as far as communicating goes, but I am under the impression that you can exchange emails without buying a membership.

They've clamped down on this. You can't watch the videos, send emails or view profiles as a standard member. However, if somebody sends you an email, then you can respond to it.


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13881 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AFF is for hooking up with other people for sex. it is beyond a dating site..it's a fuckbuddy site. If your WH is on there,he isn't there for porn..he is there to meet someone.

Please get tested for STD's immediately. Those beautiful children need their mom to be healthy..and if he is on AFF, your health is in danger.

Im so sorry.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8086 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
sodeeplysaddened
♀ 26709
Member # 26709
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, but this is to hook up. From my own (very sad) experience, if they are on AFF, they have profiles elsewhere too. One word for you (or maybe it's two): keylogger!

Don't confront him again until after you know what he is doing.

So sorry you are here.


WH - 49
BS - 47 (me)
dday1 - 11/16/09
dday2 - 12/1/09
dday3 - 1/13/10
Dday 4 -10/21/12 - trolling Craigslist again

married 16 years, 2 kids: 11 DD, 13 DS
In process of R


Posts: 249 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: In R.
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome and sorry you are here. His responses are a way to manipulate you and get the attention off of him.

He is definitely up to no good. Do yourself a favor and look into getting a key logger for his computer ASAP, set up an appointment and get STD tested and go into snoop mode. If you can meet with an attorney and god out what your rights are, his responsibilities are and how things might play out should you need to file.

Read in the healing library over on the left column. Keep posting, and remember this and repeat it often.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DID NOTHING TO CAUSE THIS. YOU ARE STRONG SMART AND CAPABLE. YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8899 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he's on AFF, he's on other sites as well. AFF is a I want Sex Now site unfortunately I know that all too well. While my FWH managed to hook up on AFF, he was also on at least three other sites and a few cam-girl sites as well.

And no, he is not basically a good man. He may have been once, but when he decided to cheat you, lie, and try to get sex outside of his marriage, he no longer was a good man. And good fathers don't model this type of behavior in front of their children. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5255 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Angry  Posted: 5:14 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lot of hookers operate on AFF, too. Also Ashley Madison. Two companies that profit off of people's pain.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
bonnets
♀ 41393
Member # 41393
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing your help and assistance with me. I have small children and am not sure what to do next. I am looking in to the keylogging software.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Nov 2013
Alpine72
♀ 41345
Member # 41345
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually went on SO many dating sites and got accounts (including AFF) looking for my husbands picture. I suspected something and had him followed and He was caught going to an exotic massage parlor a couple times. Just be careful and protect your self!!! These sites are not for just browsing. Even craigslist has a place to look for "quick sex"

Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2013
EasyDoesIt
♀ 29514
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AFF is for hooking up. It's just for sex. My ex has a profile on it, I discovered it by accident after reading about it on here. I went looking and the nimrod was stupid enough to use his own real name.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3704 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Topic Posts: 14

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