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PhoenixRising88 posted 11/20/2013 14:09 PM

It was the 12th that I finally decided I was done. Since that day I've been checking stuff off my 'to do' list in preparation to move out as soon as possible in December and file.

And I know I'm making the right decision, because while I am a little sad the biggest feeling is just complete relief. I feel free.

I am fortunate that STBXH is not being an ass. We've literally walked around the house together making a list of who is getting what furniture. Other than him dropping little 'pity party' comments it's been smooth.

I am fortunate to have an awesome job working with and for people who know my sitch and who are supportive and understanding.

I am fortunate to have an awesome set of family members and friends who I know have my back and will sit up with me at 3 am if that's what I need.

And, I am fortunate to have found a rockingly awesome place like SI that I can share my story with and support others through theirs.

This is me, regaining myself again. Moving forward. And smiling. God it feels good.

sunsetslost posted 11/20/2013 14:16 PM

I could've written that post word for word last month. Keep that positive attitude. I was all about the freedom. But leaving last week for good is kicking my butt right now. I'll get back to the peaceful easy feeling of freedom in time but I must share this warning. Be ready for downswings. They will be there. We are here for you. Sounds like you've got a good support system in place. Use them. (((Wanna)))

PhoenixRising88 posted 11/27/2013 23:07 PM

Oh, sunsetslost. I'm experiencing my first downturn already and haven't even moved all the way out yet! Just sitting here in what used to be mine and h's bedroom in tears. I know I need to grieve this marriage that I just knew was for forever. But II had hoped to at least get out of the house before losing it.

I went and filed this week. Didn't cry. Handed H A copy of the papers. Didn't cry. Worked out final details of the move. Didn't cry. And now it's midnight and he's upstairs sleeping or surfing the web for my replacement or Christ knows what - and I am just so very very sad. We weren't supposed to end up like this. We just weren't.

Gemini71 posted 11/27/2013 23:13 PM

Sometimes it's easier to be strong for the big things, and it's the little things that start the tears. For me, it's anything to do with our cat. It's not that he's the most important thing I've lost, the kitty just happens to be the one thing that always starts the waterworks. Let them flow... ...then cancel the internet service!

PhoenixRising88 posted 12/1/2013 17:36 PM


The Uhaul trip occurred today. All my stuff, and I mean all of it, is now at my mom's house with me. The last things left to do are to sign the Marriage Settlement Agreement, and wait the mandatory 60 days to finalize.

And I've had a really great day. Not sad, not pensive. Excited to keep moving forward. My future is up to me.

You know the saying 'one door closes, another opens?' I feel like I'm on the verge of passing through the biggest, widest, most beautiful French doors ever to my awesome future!

Lola7 posted 12/1/2013 17:49 PM

Yours is a great post and I'm thankful for it. It shows me that I too can make it out of this shit storm in one piece. I'm still in a place where everything is tangled up emotionally, financially and there's not enough time or energy to get everything done as fast as I want it. I really want to be free of him and this pain.

I just want to be happy again. I don't even care if karma gets him. I just want happiness.

hopeandchange posted 12/1/2013 18:09 PM

phoenix best wishes! And what a great attitud which I hope to find someday very soon.

I expect my D to be inal this month and to move to a new place over the holiday break. I g heavily grieved the loss of my M on DDay (June 2011), endured two rocky years of R, and now we are done. I am still grieving the loss of urM and will probably do so eavily once I move out.

Again, best wishes on a great future for you!


PhoenixRising88 posted 12/1/2013 19:03 PM


My first D-day was in December 2011. And I totally hear you on trying for two years to R successfully; I did too.

My single biggest hope, for all of us, is that we take care of ourselves and stay true to US, in whatever form that takes.

Know that you're not alone!

PhoenixRising88 posted 12/1/2013 19:05 PM

just want to be happy again. I don't even care if karma gets him. I just want happiness.

(((Lola7))). Right there with you sweetie. You lean on me, and I'll lean on you, and together and with all the fab folks on SI, we will come out the other side way better than just okay!!

lifestoshort posted 12/2/2013 09:43 AM

im there too. not one cry over him. not one sad moment. just freedom, hope and smiles. my own struggles are deciding things that need to get done. a tad heavier work load but all in all, so so glad its over. I dont get all the fighting and pain here but maybe thats cause I wasnt truly in love w this guy and it hasnt been that long. I feel like I am dancing around the house. just ready to move on with it all. so keep up the good work. you may have down days but let it pass and get yourself back up again :)

Lostandpregnant posted 12/2/2013 09:55 AM

I'm really happy for you that you're in such a good place emotionally <3

nowiknow23 posted 12/2/2013 10:08 AM


Have you seen the movie "Tangled?" The scene where Rapunzel first touches the grass and goes through the whole gambit of emotions cartwheeling with joy, sobbing in tears...

That scene is one of the best rollercoaster illustrations out there. A bit over the top, but not by much.

Embrace the good days and take care of yourself during the not so good days.

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