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roarlouder posted 11/20/2013 15:20 PM

I am conflicted. I am so angry at him today. I want to tear into him (again). But I can tell he's not holding up well. I think he may be depressed and on the verge of a total breakdown.

I am so mad. But I feel like I need to just shelve all of it for now because I don't think he's doing well. I am away, and I don't think he'll reach out to anyone either.

I would be depressed too if I realized what an awful person I'd been. If I am truly concerned about his well being I know I just need to shelve it. But I really need to yell right now. I've written 3 emails detailing exactly what I think and how I feel that I won't send.

brkn_heartd posted 11/20/2013 17:06 PM

((roarlouder)) I just wanted you to know you had been heard. Being on the emotional roller coaster is so very difficult.

Writing helped me quite a bit. I did let him read some, but some I didn't. It helps to let the pain out.

Hugs to you.

Hope2B posted 11/20/2013 17:27 PM

Yelling is cathartic, just be sure the kids and pets aren't around or you'll scare them.

You can yell into a pillow while sitting inside the closet with the door closed and the bedroom door closed too (as long as there are not littles home you have to watch), and that's pretty much the most soundproof place in most houses.

Writing letters you'll never send is also cathartic.

I'm not quite sure what you're saying about your WH not doing well, not reaching out to anyone. Are you afraid he is so despondent that he may become suicidal? If so, you may want to decide what you are willing to do, if anything. I realize that sounds cold.

For the most part, your WH will have to deal with his own depression and hopefully with the help of a MC, IC or some other therapist.

Did you want to "rescue" him from his depression, this man who had a 5 year affair and additional one night stands? That won't work.

I understand that you are conflicted! (((roarlouder)))

roarlouder posted 11/20/2013 18:20 PM

I know I can't rescue him. He has to rescue himself. I just don't want to push him over the edge if it can wait to be discussed another day. Or if I am leaving any way...