Thethreeyearfool, your story is so familiar I had to reread it to make sure my WH wasn't posting trying to trick me.
I am also a 3Y fool. DDay August . WH also said, after DDay, he felt guilty about how he treated her . That he didn't treat her well. At the end she was really putting on the clamps and saying " I lurv U" He said he was trying to end the A months before. He was giving her $, and she became dependent on him. He was then helping her look for a job . With hopes that she would move on. But I discovered the A in the middle of this .
As the days/ weeks went on with us talking he began to realize how she manipulated him. He thought he was in control during the A. But he saw that she actually had power over him and he was the weak one. In talking about the A. He saw that she came for sex and then asked for $. ( I should have done that for the last 19 years. I would b doing quit well!) the " but ILU was her trying to keep the $ coming.
My husband leaves his wallet , phone laying around.
So I asked him about that with her. In the beginning he would say " she wouldn't have gone into my wallet and phone. He now says he caught her at times with her fingers in his wallet or accessing his phone. And now realizes he at times was missing $ and she was accessing personal info on his smart phone. And now seeing that some valuables are missing from his office. He was so in a fog he trusted her.
I have been married over 19 years , I still tell him if I am going in his wallet for $.
So he now feels different towards her and that " thing" they had going. And us now guilty at how he treated me, kids.
So NC and time may chance how he feels.
Other details may take time. I'm still a newbie also . But after time the need to know some details changes. And may not be important to you.
I did start to chuckle today wondering what type of goofy , immature, petting things they said at some selfish moment. This may have made me cry weeks ago. At this time I think how ridiculously embarrassing for a mature grown man.