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LIGHTCHASER posted 11/20/2013 16:43 PM

Hi friends, I need your advice. My birthday is on this Sunday 24 of November and I want to be prepared if my WS, with whom I have been separated for about 4 months, brings me flowers on that day. I haven't filed for a divorce, yet but I feel like it is the best option for me because he told me that he doesn't love me anymore or finds me attractive. He has never apologized for what he has done. He wants to return home but claims that he just doesn't want to have a divorce because of the kids. Yet, he tries to manipulate me by bringing me flowers on special occasions. He had his own birthday this month and I intentionally ignored his birthday. What would you do or say if he appeared with a bunch of flower on your birthday?

Gemini71 posted 11/20/2013 17:07 PM

I'd say 'Thanks, the kids will love them," and put them aside to ignore. To reject a gift would make too big of a deal about it. To accept them for yourself, kinda creepy given your situation. Treat them like the meaningless gesture they are.

shiloe posted 11/20/2013 17:46 PM

Okay, being the way I am and feel now
I would not accept them but tell him to give them to his married whore

GabyBaby posted 11/20/2013 17:55 PM

I'm a bit mean too, lol.
I'd take them, then promptly dump them in the trash- while he watches.
All without saying a word or showing any malice, anger, etc. No emotion.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 5:56 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

dmari posted 11/20/2013 17:57 PM

I would faint if I got flowers from stbx!! Never happened when we were together so wouldn't happen now.

Thefly559 posted 11/20/2013 18:04 PM

Take a crap in front of her and wipe with them. I think I'm still angry. Lol

fireproof posted 11/20/2013 18:10 PM

I would accept them and say thank you if he mentions it.

Take the high road. That being said if he doesn't call I wouldn't go out of my way to thank him.

Then I would either share them with the kids and say it is from a friend or surprise an unexpecting older woman with some flowers.

StillLivin posted 11/20/2013 18:25 PM

If he is going to bring them to you, then just conveniently be out for your birthday.
Hell no I wouldn't accept them from him.
Or, have the trash can close by so you don't have to waste energy making grand jestures of tossing them in the trash.

LIGHTCHASER posted 11/20/2013 19:10 PM

Thank you so much pals. You are so entertaining. By the way, don't think that my WH had been very romantic or caring during our marriage before the affair. He would only bring me flowers and just give them to me without kissing or saying something nice. I always felt like he was doing this just to fulfill his responsibility.

MakingLemonade posted 11/20/2013 21:33 PM

Accept them and say you'll be passing them along to (_____). WH did this to appear remorseful after he was busted. Took them to his mother who was on hospice.

ruinedandbroken posted 11/20/2013 22:05 PM

My ex had the kids give me a birthday card and then he also gave me a birthday card that said something like, "hope you have a great day." WTF-Ever! I didn't return it to him because I didn't want him to think I gave it much thought but I promptly ripped it into tiny pieces and threw it in the trash. I don't want that hypocritical crap in my house.

Compartmented posted 11/21/2013 08:27 AM

My X sent seriously ostentatious flower arrangements to me to impress the children, during the divorce. All while sticking it to me legally. It definitely irritated me. I said nothing, as I didn't want to play into whatever game he was playing with my children. But whenever the flowers showed up when my children weren't home, I had the best time flying out the door with them to take them to the nursing home!!!

Newlease posted 11/21/2013 08:33 AM

My XWH sent flowers to my office on my first birthday after the D was final. I was so pissed! If he had been in front of me, I would have smashed the vase over his head. Instead, one of my co-workers took them and donated them to a nursing home.

I did not mention them to him. No thank you, no f&ck you, just silence.

NL

Housefulloflove posted 11/21/2013 12:17 PM

'Thanks, the kids will love them," and put them aside to ignore.

This. Although when Ex sent me flowers on mother's day I didn't say anything more to him than "thanks" but in my mind they were just something nice to decorate our kitchen island until they died. We were just 4 months post separation and I had reached the point of not wanting anything to do with him anymore and hating every interaction we had.

It was a lot easier to say "thanks" and move on than tell him that I didn't want any worthless gift from his emotionally dead self.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 12:19 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

Nature_Girl posted 11/21/2013 12:27 PM

Hmmmmm... I have to think. Um, would I accept flowers from EX for any reason? Hmmmmm..... Is it possible to poison flowers so the recipient would die from smelling them? Possibly. Hmmmm....

This is hard.

Not!

miadianna posted 11/21/2013 12:31 PM

Believe me, they do it for themselves. To look good on the outside, to feel better about what they did, etc.

My XH sent me a huge bouquet of roses for Mother's Day the year he left us (he had to know by then after 25 years, I thought flowers were a waste of money and they did nothing for me) but he sent them anyway. On the card, it said "Love, XXXX"

I had his password to his credit card account online and saw that he sent OW the exact bouquet to her on Mother's Day from the same florist. I'm sure he put "Love" on that card too. Really nice guy, huh?

LIGHTCHASER posted 11/21/2013 18:46 PM

Although all of us want to say " Fuck you" deep inside, just like most of you I will most probably say " Thank you".

By the way, I've loved the woman saying "NO" she is so cute.

You are all great!

Vulcanized posted 11/21/2013 18:53 PM

XH gave me a really thoughtful, had to go thru some effort & advance planning anniversary gift. Which was the day I moved out. Just said thank you and nothing more.

I think a simple thanks, if in person. If delivered, crickets. Happy almost birthday!