R is a process. It's long and painful. But you can be happy again. I think the two of you are on the right path to a very successful R.
thank you for this. :)
ETA: Maybe I missed it,but has he sent another NC email to OW? Has he changed his number yet?
They didn't communicate through emails but yes, he sent two "do not attempt to contact me" texts- which she refers to each time she texts "I know you said not to contact you" or "I promise this is the last time I try...but..." or "Its obvious you are not going to respond soo...."
We didn't change his number- we are on a family plan that expires in a few months, but we DID finally figure out how to block her number. He hands me his phone at the end of the day and there are no locks or passwords. Even lets me carry it when we are together and read all of his texts first and listen to his voicemails before he does, etc.
naiveone- I so understand your reply as well. He KNEW he was lying about the NC being broken but was too scared too tell the truth and each time I asked and he lied, it just got worse and worse. The best thing I ever did was check the phone records and just hand them over. No words. Just...busted.
Pangea- first off...LOVE your username. LOVE IT.
Okay- to business...
I am not sure if I understood your last post but if he is breaking NC - that is a BIG issue. For me that would be worse than TT in that a line was drawn in the sand going forward and it was just crossed.
to sum it up- last contact was on 8/24. Our NC agreement was made on 7/29.
We have been doing SO WELL in R- and then...I wanted to help with his timeline and I thought having the date that they first started texting would help jump start it for him. That was when I saw the extra almost two months AND the multitude of phone calls in August. She would text and text and text and he would call her back and talk for 30-40 minutes. He walked through and shared the content of each conversation as best he could, and I am satisfied. I am also pretty satisfied that there has been no other contact since August 24th- this I know from phone records, having contriol of his phone, and...to be honest, just a change in him. I noticed he started changing in early september. Not that he wasn't always comforting and remorseful, but for awhile it just felt...false. come to find out, it was.
There is a lengthy story about how she is one of those lure you in with sugar, get angry with you, then call back all sugary again to apologize- makes me sick to think about.
Anyway-finding out about NC was my dealbreaker. That was what I told myself. So now we are in the process of working through what that meant and whether it really was. He knows now. I told him- 100 %honesty or get the hell out of my way.
That second "D day" was harder than the first and I barely escaped with my sanity- I was seriously terrified because he let me down....AGAIN.
Now we are just trying to work through it and see what happens.
so far- everything he has done has been exactly what I needed to see- even if I didn't realize it.