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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: The latest missive from Xwh; do I respond?
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check this one out. I'll put his blabber in quote boxes and my comments underneath:

Please collect and send back the Ziploc bags sent in the kids' lunches so that we can reuse them if you choose not to use them. It is environmentally irresponsible to discard them after one use. There is expense involved in providing new bags every week and I do not think a request to reuse them is unreasonable. Thanks for your cooperation on this.

Um... I don't know what to say to this little lecture on the environment. I reuse the bags. Sometimes there are extra ones, and I throw them in a drawer until they can be used. I only throw them out when they get really unusable.

DS#1 apparently asked [my stepson], at your request, about the school bus schedule. This kind of matter would best be handled if you sought that information directly from school, or asked me. I would be happy to tell you. Please do not put the children in the position of being information seekers as that is not an appropriate role for them.

Was I out of line? I asked DS #1 to ask his older stepbrother about a bus schedule. That's "putting them in the position of being information seekers"? Okay. I've never asked my son to ask his stepsiblings anything, ever. I thought this was a harmless request. Well, never again.

Could you please read [certain section] in the Separation Agreement? Owife and I have spoken with my parents, and had a session with the counselor and we are in agreement that some things have come to light in our discussions with the children that make us concerned that the children are being influenced in ways that may influence their feelings of affection, love, and respect for me. If you have any questions, please let me know, as I would like to foster an open dialogue with you.

Well, I tell them the truth. I don't say "slut," "cheating," "Ashley Madison," or use any inappropriate terms. I tell the truth. Why did the marriage end? Your dad wanted to be with Owife. I'm not going to lie. He has NO idea how much I lobby for him. I'm his unwitting cheerleader, constantly encouraging the kids to be happy about their visits to him when they don't want to go. He's the one that destroyed our family, behaved like a lowlife by having an affair with a woman he met on a cheating site, and then continued being inappropriate by rushing his AP into our children's lives and marrying her way too soon. Yet, I'm somehow alienating the children from him? What am I supposed to do? Say that what their dad did was totally fine? Pretend that we broke up because we just couldn't get along? I have tried to be as neutral and supportive as possible. I guess that XWH doesn't think that's enough. I'm really supposed to lie.

I'd like to add that I'm incredibly disappointed in my XILs. That they could feel their son is behaving at all appropriately and that I'm somehow a negative influence in our children's lives is completely appalling. I guess they don't have as much integrity as I thought they did. I would love to know what the counselor said to XWH and the Owife; she was firmly on my side when I told her what had happened, so I'm disappointed to hear that she also thinks I'm somehow negatively influencing our children.

I don't know how I should respond to this or if I even should. Should I respond or stay crickets?


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3659 | Registered: Oct 2011
woundedby2
♀ 18522
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see that he has asked you any questions, so I don't think there is anything to respond to.

Ignore his saintly views on the environment. He can buy more ziploc bags.

The bus schedule thing is pretty petty. Just try to avoid anything like this in the future since he's clearly keeping tabs.

Ignore the alienation of affection claims. If this is an issue he can address the courts or it can be discussed in family counseling where you are involved. It doesn't matter what "they" (which means he and his whore) think about you.

I would like to foster an open dialogue with you.

This means he would like to bully and manipulate you. Don't take the bait. Ignore.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD16 and DS19
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7866 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't reply to this. He comes across as a control-freak asshole.

Also, you only have his word that the counsellor/in-laws/OW/Dr. Drew etc agree with him.

Honestly, it is clear you will get nowhere with this guy. If you absolutely must respond just say thanks for your email, I have noted your comments.

Then ignore them.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS - on reflection, he has taken quite some time and trouble to compose this. He chooses his words very carefully.

He wants a reaction. Which is odd given that he is in a blissful new marriage. Why is he thinking about you?

Something is going on in his life which is leading him to seek a diversion.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, he's looking for drama and diversion. He's placating Owifey. He's blameshifting his shitty parenting. He's bored. He wanted to try out the new self-righteous writing app he just downloaded.

Ignore.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4835 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He wanted to try out the new self-righteous writing app he just downloaded
.

For Christmas, he's upgrading to Patronizing 2.0


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG tryingagain!!!!! OMG!!!!! My dday was about the same time as yours and I am getting this crap also!!! OMG!!!! They are trying to push my buttons, claiming this and that is harming the children, and get this :::: "OW is not the bad person here, You got the house only because of her!!!!You need to learn to work with us for the benefit of the boys" and act like a grownup!!!

I, too didn't know how to handle this.!!!! I feel ike the OW wants a "show down" (which I have NEVER given her).

I also realized something. I found out the OW is cheating on my XWS.. I think she is trying to get stuff stirred up so that NO ONE IS LOOKING AT HER!

He brought her to pickup our son the other day after I texted him that she can't come in my driveway. They are pushing and pushing because she NEEDS drama to either cover up her lies or because she feeds on drama. I called my atty about her coming in my driveway and he said it's like hitting an abuser the first time they punch you.. He said get to magistrate's court and put an order of no tresspassing on her if I don't want her on my property. Give her NO reaction, No drama, just hit her with it. And I will.

Thank you for posting,,, you must look strong and a challenge for them to try to knock you down a peg...

Also when OW and XWH do this crap to me I go on facebook and post how happy I am and how God has blessed me or how much fun I am having or how nice the house looks with the new windows, etc!!!

I dont' remember if you got your house in your divorce, but I got mine because OW didn't like it. I think they wish they had it now, as XWH can't get a loan because he's legally on this loan for 20 more years !!!LOL


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2391 | Registered: Jan 2012
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a loser. Please don't respond. But thanks for the giggle! Especially the last part about " blah blah blah that my influence their feelings of affection, love, and respect for blah blah blah blah blah". That was FUNNY!

Your awesome. He knows it. He is trying to get a reaction from you. Continue moving forward!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2340 | Registered: Oct 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read your recent profile and you said you are enjoying your NB,,,, THAT is another reason why they want to bring you down a notch,,, you are having a good life and a good relationship with your children ---How dare you!!!


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2391 | Registered: Jan 2012
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is reaching for a fight. Crickets.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
MakingLemonade
♀ 41143
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my! Someone is being petty. Don't honor the ridiculousness of this with a response.


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
finallymefirst
♀ 41060
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets and thank ur lucky stars that u r divorced from him. He sounds ridiculous. Before I reached a peaceful state, I got into the habit of blaming ANYTHING that happened to me on my xwh. If I would hit my toe on the side of the bed, it was his fault cause he cheated and didn't fight for our marriage. I was so hurt and angry that anything could reignite my disgust for him and his ability to move on so quickly was my biggest trigger. Thats what he sounds like. Ziploc bags?? are u kidding me. All is not well in that household, either financially or emotionally. U must be getting so good at NC and detachment, that they don't have u as a catalyst for their wonderful relationship.

Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013
Lost15
♀ 40898
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't respond. All he is wanting is to get a reaction from you. Which in turn he will react and then blame you for anything said. My STBXH tries to get reactions from me through text all the time but I just ignore them. When I have responded it just ends up with him saying something to try to upset me. Good Luck!


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree - no questions there - Crickets!

But I just want to say: ewww... he just oozes arrogance. I know it is difficult to ignore - but gag me with a pitch fork - the guy is full of himself!

And how does he know you aren't re-using the zip bags...? Is he asking DS - isn't that inappropriate...? Is he making DS think you are environmentally irresponsible? Heaven forbid! I think you ought to use them for cleaning the cat litter box and then return them.

What a maroon!

[This message edited by Take2 at 10:01 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I have forwarded this to people close to me IRL, and they think he's crazy. They couldn't believe the comment about the plastic bags. Are they really that cash strapped that they desperately need them returned!?!?

I am going to contact the counselor and make an appointment with her, and I will bring his email with me. I would like to see what her response will be to his comments. That she has not called me to schedule an appointment makes me wonder exactly what was said and how XWH might have distorted it to fit his needs. I encouraged her to contact XWH when the kids and I were seeing her this summer, and she did, so if they are really concerned about my behavior, why didn't she contact me for a session to see what is going on?

I don't know what is going on with him, but I hope he's not coming unhinged. I don't want to be a part of his life, and I stay as far away from him in every way. If I have something that isn't pressing to say to him over email about kids/finances, I will wait until I can send him one message about several things so that I can minimize contact with him. I wish he would respect that and stop with the childish, patronizing rants. If anyone needs to move on, it's him. He got what he wanted, so there's no reason to engage with me.

For Christmas, he's upgrading to Patronizing 2.0

Actually, I think he wrote the code for that program!


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3659 | Registered: Oct 2011
FirstLoveGone
♀ 25957
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy, f-ing shit! This reads just like the crap I get from XH. The absolute unmitigated gall of these fuckheads makes me want to blow my top!

However, when I get one of these emails I try my best to use the following:

"I will give your email the consideration it deserves."

And then I consider it for half a second.

What a douche.


Posts: 1278 | Registered: Oct 2009
momentintime
♀ 16394
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him to purchase some plastic containers for the kiddos lunches. Wash them out and reuse. Reusing plastic bags not so sanitary.

[This message edited by momentintime at 12:04 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 3018 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love how he just has to keep reminding you of how smart and upstanding he is.

Fuck him.

The first two issues with the bags and the bus schedule are nothing but bullshit. Asking a kid what time he gets on the bus is not what counselors mean by making the kids act as merchants of information. The step brother is allowed to be part of your son's family only when it's convenient???? Seriously, he's such a dick.

As far as his veiled attempt to claim some sort of parental alienation, that's a crock of shit too. If those kids were being poisoned don't think for a second he wouldn't already be back in court. Don't think for a second that the counselor wouldn't have called to try to avoid a family explosion.

He and OWife clearly have nothing better to do and are realizing the long, crappy road ahead now that real life has seeped in. They are in way over their heads and are are absolutely desperate to legitimize their relationship. The only one they think to blame for preventing that is you. They don't want to see the very obvious, very ugly truth, which is that your kids know all too well what happened (and knew it before you ever confirmed) and that they are disgusted with their father's behavior.

He is 100% responsible for all of this and he knows it. You're the only target he has. Step out of the way and don't dignify any of this crap with a reply. He makes me sick.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Jan 2011
windows
14054
Member # 14054
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have a dog? Zip locks are perfect for clean up. I would send him some used ones.

Posts: 400 | Registered: Mar 2007
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just ignore him. He will never accept that his own behavior has caused his children to lose respect for him. My guess is that he's pissed you told the kids the truth before he had a chance to concoct a lie.

I have a friend who didn't speak to her mother for years because her father lied about the reason for her parent's D. He'd had an affair, but he told her that her mom was the cheater. By the time she found out the truth, decades later, her mom was dead and it was too late to make amends. Imagine the heartbreak! Kids deserve the truth.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
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