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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: A Lie, our anniversary and She needs time
brokenfyrman
♂ 31938
Member # 31938
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been a while since i was here and things have been pretty rough lately, wife and I have been up and down a lot, pretty nasty fighting. Been told she wants a divorce almost weekly but I am still holding out hope. We are in MC and today she said she needs time to figure out what exactly it is she wants to do/ doesn't want to be just my wife and just mom (same argument she used during the A) no specific time frame but I am supposed to wait it out, try to be positive, upbeat and not press for any thoughts, talks, progress until we return as a couple in about two weeks.... Im not supposed to cry because it pushes her away. Monday she lied to my face,I told her after the first lie that I was pretty confident that she just lied ( I can always tell now for some reason, I know her "tell") She told another lie then and today I confronted her about it and while it wasn't anything marriage ending and Iknew the answer before I asked but she lied to me twice because she was embarrassed, I absolutely HATE for someone to lie to me. I asked her if she was fantasizing about OM when she did it but I don't think she told me the truth then either. Let's just say it didn't go over well and this was BEFORE MC appt. She won't have sex with me, been about two months since she touched me, says "I never think about it", even told me two weeks ago that "what if its something i don't want to do anymore? would it be a deal breaker for you?" and I catch her using something closer to what she was so proud to say years ago was about his size. Most of that is anger but it really hurts, I'm an affectionate and intimacy person and she knows it, I haven't asked for sex in those past two months so I don't make her mad but she is using it against me.
Next weekend is our 21st anniversary, I have been told we will not be celebrating our anniversary or Christmas and that really bothers me. How do i sit back on our anniversary and not do anything for her? Every year i have bought her flowers, one red for every year together and one of a different color for the next year, I planned a small vow renewal as a surprise last year because a trip fell through and she in a hateful moment told me I gave her no choice but to participate and say yes, "what was she supposed to do with all those people there"... Want your heart ripped our when you think you have done something sweet, romantic and special?.. She is planning a family trip to her hometown (affair town) for Christmas and I don't know if I will be in the picture then or not, if not i will not be with my kids for Christmas for the first time ever.... If I am I will be sitting in affairville in limbo maybe and I don't know that if I have a trigger she would be there for me.
I am really trying to stay positive, I want to see my marriage work, I want to be happy with my wife. I just read my post and I sound like a fucking idiot.... What is wrong with me? If my friend said all that about his wife I know what I would say.... Why do I hang on? Other than I know somewhere in all this shit she is still in there, that little something special that I need and I miss is there, every now and again when she lets her guard down I see it and maybe that is why I hang on... I miss her... I miss us, I'm just not ready to give up


Me BS 42, STBX 40 renamed numero cinco
OM#2 puppylove from HS
EA 10/07 thru 5/08
PA 5/12,13,14 and 7/26 of 08
Admitted to calls/email texts 08/08, TT until D/Day 10/10
OM#1, 9 mos after "I do"
She walked out on me and her kids 1/1/14 (

Posts: 314 | Registered: Apr 2011
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:57 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently here brother, This woman is throwing shit all over you and your handing her the shovel. She needs time ? Seems to me it should be the other way around. Your biggest mistake is showing your emotions and fears in front of her. You need to understand that a WS thrives on having power over a BS. Any form of weakness shown just makes her stronger. Take away her power and stop showing weakness. Man up and tell this woman to either do what you need to fix what she has broken or get the hell out. From what you have posted she is not one bit remorseful. She is not willing to give you what you need to heal. This is not a M my friend. She is walking all over you, and she will continue to do so for as long as you allow it. You cant love her back into the M, you cant nice her or try and talk sense. The only think she is going to understand is firm action. See an attorney and find out your rights and responsibilities. File for D or at the very least a legal separation. She needs to be smacked upside the head with a bag full of reality and consequence.

I know its not easy and I understand how you feel. Its damn hard trying to save something when your partner does not give a shit. And trust me she does not give one shit about you or your M. She is buying her time right now until something she perceives as better comes along. Your still giving her the benefits and financial security of a M woman. Yet she does not want to act like your W. Wake up man !!!! She has checked out of your relationship. Its time she pays the piper for her actions. Cut her off emotionally and financially. Stop wasting your time and money on MC and use it for IC for yourself. Become empowered and take a hard stance on her behavior. That will either snap her back into reality or she will hit the bricks. You win both ways IMHO. Bottom line is that you cant force her into R. There is nothing you can do aside from protecting yourself at this point. You handed her the gift of R and she threw it back in your face. Stop being afraid of losing your M. Because its already lost. I'm sorry for being a hard ass here. But trust me its for your benefit. I've been in your shoes and done what your doing. It does not work and it never will. She is not your W, she is not even your friend right now. Realize that and do what needs to be done bro. I wish you peace my man. But things change when YOU say they do.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5905 | Registered: Nov 2007
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was the last DD in'08? Are you pretty sure she's NC? I don't think you sound like an idiot at all, if so, we are all idiots for having hope. It just kind of sounds like she's not trying very hard. Just my experience with people I've known that had A's or were bs...I need time, usually meant, can you hang on for awhile longer cuz I'm not ready to choose yet. Her going to affairville for Christmas just sounds all kinds of suspicious.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5276 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Hope2B
♀ 40474
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, to brokenfyrman...You cannot force her to love you, to commit or recommit to you. She is distancing herself from you. She lies to you and you know she is lying.

Been told she wants a divorce almost weekly...I want to see my marriage work
At this point, it seems likely that you two are definitely not on the same page. She is calling the shots and it seems she is making plans that probably won't involve you. I am so sorry if this is indeed the case.

As for your anniversary and Christmas, (again, gently) what the heck are you celebrating? She tells you she wants a divorce almost weekly. She knows what she wants to do, but doesn't want to take the next steps is my guess (and I could be wrong).

Christmas, I can see trying to make things as normal or good as possible for children, but really, other than celebrating the birth of Christ (if you so believe), it's just another day.

Are you able to travel with your family for Christmas, so you can be with your children? Would you WANT to be with your wife on Christmas, all things considered?? Even if it's the A town, you are likely to face that she will 'disappear' to visit *friends* and leave you with the kids. If you have a trigger, please don't count on her to be there for you.

Are you doing the 180? It may give you a bit more of stability in your situation. Stronger08 is right on!!!!!

I am so sorry you are going through this.

[This message edited by Hope2B at 3:06 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
He had a 7 year LTA, thought she was just a girl down on her luck & he was her KISA

Posts: 374 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
somanyyears
♂ 26970
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 3:07 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..hey bfm..

..just woke up and couldn'tget back to sleep, so here i am.. on SI reading..

read your post, and ..sorry, but i have to agree with you about 'what is wrong with me?' I won't call you a fucking idiot however..because you're not, you're just stubborn and live with a faint hope that she will wake up and love you again.

From her behaviour, I just don't see it happening.. she sounds done and completely in her fog still if she continues to lie to you.

..denying you love and affection and dreaming about the OM's 'SIZE' would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

You are going to continue to torture yourself in this one sided farce of a marriage and only continue to hurt yourself.

..detachment and taking a hard line against her emotional abuse is needed now. Fight for your own self-respect.. there is no way in hell you should be celebrating the 'anniversary' with flowers. Instead, go to your local butcher and get a cow's heart, put a knife thru it and box it up for her with pretty wrapping. because that is what she's done to yours!!!

..You do need to get tough on her and get your lawyer involved in protecting your rights and your childrens' future with this heartless woman.

She's having it all her way here.. time to man up and get on with your life.. you can't stay in this loveless and sexless marriage much longer.

I'd be so fucking pissed at her arrogance and selfishness.. you know you don't deserve this bullshit and it's time to put a stop to this insanity.

As you said.. you hate being lied to, but you're still there..being lied to.. so, you really do know what you need to do... just get up the balls and DO IT MAN!!! do it for you and your future happiness.. she's left this marriage and she's just bidding her time till she can lower the boom her way..

..sorry if this sounds blunt but you need to see that the writing is on the wall here..

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 3:10 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Marathonwaseasy
♀ 40674
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 3:09 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's being so cruel
You do not deserve this
Look after you because the effort you're spending on her is exhausting you and gaining you nothing
X


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you keeping tabs on her?

Im sorry but it sounds like she is either in contact with OM...or has found another OM.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
gotmylifeback
♂ 32693
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bluntly. I say at least 180, possibly file for D. She wants "time to make her decision." It sounds like she has made her decision. This is no way for you to live. Don't wait for her to change.


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
OK now
♀ 14459
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What you don't seem to realize is that your passive, submissive, victim attitude is a huge turn off to your wife. You are almost a cuckold in her eyes, inviting humiliation and degradation. You don't seem to have even a trace of self-esteem and your wife seemingly can heap any insulting behavior she likes on your head and you will accept it all.

There is only one kind of advice you will get from SI and that is to get angry at your abusive treatment and start to fight back. However I fear that your personality is somewhat submissive and you just simply cannot oppose your wife's dominant attitude; as such your marriage is probably doomed.

Put in somewhat dramatic terms your wife has to be compelled to respect you as a man of status and value, who confidently draws fair boundaries on the way he expects to be treated. The idea that you will simply wait for your wife to suddenly start desiring you and respecting you is ridiculous. It has to be earned by tough decisive action not by passive acquiescence.


Posts: 1868 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
ladies_first
♀ 24643
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is planning a family trip to her hometown (affair town) for Christmas

She gets what she wants/needs.

Which of your wants/needs are being met by her?

I have been told we will not be celebrating our anniversary or Christmas ... and I don't know if I will be in the picture then or not, if not i will not be with my kids for Christmas for the first time ever

She won't have sex with me, been about two months since she touched me, says "I never think about it", even told me two weeks ago that "what if it’s something i don't want to do anymore? would it be a deal breaker for you?" and I catch her using something closer to what she was so proud to say years ago was about his size.

I’m not supposed to cry because it pushes her away. ....I don't know that if I have a trigger she would be there for me.

Without having your family needs, your physical needs and your emotional needs met, I ask what you *do* receive by staying married?

Why do I hang on? Other than I know somewhere in all this shit she is still in there, that little something special that I need and I miss is there, every now and again when she lets her guard down I see it and maybe that is why I hang on... I miss her... I miss us, I'm just not ready to give up.

I hear hope in your post. But NO REALITY. I have no doubt that "she is still in there" ... it's simply that she no longer cares to share that part of herself with you. I'm so sorry.

Save yourself! You deserve love and respect.

[This message edited by ladies_first at 7:23 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ 31765
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Hi Brkfym,

Gosh, I read your post and see you registered Apr 2011? And she is still talking she needs time and is withholding love,sex,affection,holidays, normal life, communication,and your anniversary? And lies?

Please, please, don't take it anymore. This isn't right and you've been thru enough! It's almost that you've forgotten what normal is and that you deserve a decent normal life with happiness.

I agree with the others. Let her see what her dream life will be like. Now.

She thinks you've stuck with her this far and will keep going. Please, she needs to see you be a strong guy. This is where "tough love" does work one way or another. Whether she wakes up or not, but you've been her walk over long enough.

Hugs!!


Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2011
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

" she said she needs time to figure out what exactly it is she wants to do/ doesn't want to be just my wife and just mom (same argument she used during the A) no specific time frame "
_______

Give her this. Without you. She is using you as training wheels and safety net.

Give her the gift of missing you and all your marriage has been.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you're going through this. She is not remorseful for what she did and she's taking it out on you.

I agree with stronger08. You've received a lot of sound advice from everyone who has posted.

To me, it sounds like she wants the divorce but doesn't want to be the one to file so she can, yet again, blame you. She wants to look like the innocent one.

If it were me, I would go on that trip with her just to be with the kids. Why shouldn't you spend time with your kids at Christmas? Screw that.

Im sorry but it sounds like she is either in contact with OM...or has found another OM.

I also agree with ^^^this. I hope for you sake that she's not doing anything, but her actions are screaming something else entirely.

The more I think about what she is saying and doing the more angry I'm getting for you. Ugh..

Sending you strength and (((HUGS)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
7yrsflushed
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been a while since i was here and things have been pretty rough lately, wife and I have been up and down a lot, pretty nasty fighting.

I was you. I left for a while and ended up coming back and pretty much typed almost word for word what you typed below with some variations.

Been told she wants a divorce almost weekly but I am still holding out hope. We are in MC and today she said she needs time to figure out what exactly it is she wants to do/ doesn't want to be just my wife and just mom (same argument she used during the A) no specific time frame but I am supposed to wait it out, try to be positive, upbeat and not press for any thoughts, talks, progress until we return as a couple in about two weeks.... Im not supposed to cry because it pushes her away. Monday she lied to my face,I told her after the first lie that I was pretty confident that she just lied ( I can always tell now for some reason, I know her "tell") She told another lie then and today I confronted her about it and while it wasn't anything marriage ending and Iknew the answer before I asked but she lied to me twice because she was embarrassed,

brokenfyrman, your M is over. Your WW has checked out and is either either back in the A, in another A, or primed for another A. She is the definition of unremorseful. She is justifying her actions to no end in her head. The only way this ends is if you end it. You need to detach and 180 HARD and I mean very HARD, cut off contact with her immediately. No phone calls, no nothing. Quit MC because it's pointless and get yourself into IC. Go see a L today WITHOUT telling your WW and file for D. Stop talking to her and have her served. You know why she can be so cold to you? It's because she emotionally detached from you LONG ago prior to even starting her A. You are playing emotional catch. Until you detach you will never be on an even playing field and able to make rational decisions. Teh crumbs hse throws you (that you see as glimpses of who she used to be) are to keep you emotionally attached to her and it keeps you in line. She has already basically stated she is never going to have sex with you again. I got that speech too. She wants her space, I got that speech too. Guess what, I gave my unremorseful STBXWW all the space she want when I filed for D. You can do the same.

Brother you deserve so much more than your WW has given you. Don't let fear of losing something that is already gone keep you from moving on with the rest of your life. Your M doesn't define you, your WW doesn't define you, her A doesn't define you, getting a D doesn't define you...YOU DEFINE YOU. She says she wants a divorce but takes no steps to do so because she is a coward and can't be the one to end the M. You are going to have to do that as well. your kids are watching both of you. I have 2 small children. I would rather they come from 2 homes than one hella broken home.


She is giving you crumbs to keep you in line. You aren't even plan B at this point. She is there for finances, a roof, free heat, whatever but it's not because she wants to be there. The crumbs you are getting, those glimpses of who she was are just to keep you from leaving. Likely until she is ready and able to leave herself. I wasted 2 years of my life with STBXWW because I couldn't let go. Start living your life again. Go out and do some things you always wanted to do. Really sit back and think about the last time you did something for yourself. Make a list of things you want to do and get to it. The pain ends when you say it does. I didn't type any of this to be mean and I truly understand where you are because I was there. Life WITHOUT an unremoresful WS is great but you have to get them out of your life first to realize it.

You can't beg, plead, reason, love, or logic, a WS back to a M. They have to want to come back themselves. The only thing you EVER had control of was yourself. Please take heed to the words in everyone's posts. We have all been there and done that and while everyone situation is unique all this shit is painted with the same brush. The unremoresful WS's really do read from the same handbook. Sending you strength and I wish you the best.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:14 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1943 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
lordhasaplan?
♂ 30079
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

brokenfyrman, your M is over!!!! It’s a dead horse you continue to try to remount. Your WW has checked out and is the definition of unremorseful. Until your wife shows true remorse....shes humping your leg just enough to extend and drag this out, YOU’RE HER BACKUP PLAN, FALLBACK POSITION. Is that what you want from your life?...As Buffalo used to say "Until you get the old "snotting, crying, blubbering, im so sorry I hurt you, mascara dripping off of her chin apology".....R aint gonna happen!!!"
Draw that line in the dirt....set your limitations...convey them to her - once!! If you expect intimacy state it, ONCE! Then Hit that 180.... You are not gonna "nice guy" back into your arms...begging, pleading and crying will not work, Bro....time to go "Alpha male" on her...let her know what you will tolerate and what you wont… if the WS "Sees the light", gets into IC to determine why the A took place, owns her shit in making the decision to cheat, shows total remorse, etc...R is possible...It can happen.. But your light years away and she has control in her mind.


Time for you to draw a line in the dirt...like Travis at the Alamo...let her know what behaviors are tolerable to you and your marriage...that those that are not...But there’s a catch - are you willing to back it up??? You cant give her an ultimatum unless you willing to do that. If you’re not able to YOUR what is preventing progress. MY WW didn’t get it until I levied consequences and she realized her fallback position wanst there anymore. Then I got true remorse...

[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 8:43 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1936 | Registered: Nov 2010
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

brokenfyrman,
You've tried.
You've endured.
You've fought for the M.
You've acted with honor and integrity.

She won't fight for the M.
She only seems interested in fighting you as if that will solve her issues.

You may not be ready to give but it is past time to let go.
Let go of any expectations that she will be the woman you've known and love.
Let go of any notion that there is something you can do to change this.

She needs to figure this out.
And I hate to say this but she may choose to never figure this out.

Your M shouldn't be a battle but that's what she's turned it into. So how do you win?

By not fighting any longer. Not playing her game.
Let go.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
wifehad5
♂ 15162
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fyrman,

As much as I admire your tenacity, I think it's time to stop. You've done all you can. She's killing you. She's telling you who she is, and you're ignoring it.

She's pushing you away to try to make you the bad guy who ended the marriage. We all know the truth though. Her actions killed the marriage years ago. You've heroically battled to save the marriage that she killed. It's not going to happen, I'm sorry. This is all on her. Give yourself some peace.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37870 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
still2suspicious
♀ 31722
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As hard as it must be to read this thread please know that ALL the advice is right on.

Many of us have BTDT.

Every one needs to go at their own pace (raising my hand on THIS one ) BUT at some point we have to face the facts, if we are to have any kind of life going forward.

PLEASE PLEASE heed this advice. Maybe just pick ONE thing that you can do today. Maybe it's calling a L, maybe it's leaving the room BEFORE the tears come, maybe it's....you get the idea.

I am so sorry for you to have to endure her absolutely fuck'd up behavior.

YOU deserve so much better, BFM.

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1342 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I’m sorry for you. You’re in a fog of your own, where you think this bitch is just some front your wife is putting up, when in reality this bitch is your wife. She’s a cruel, heartless bitch, and you’re begging for scraps from her. I wouldn’t let her hear my voice again after all this time and intentional cruelty. She’s deserving of nothing, seriously.

As far as Christmas – why are you letting her dictate? And the response here seems to be to go on the trip with her. I say no – just tell her if she goes she goes alone. She has no more claim on your kids than you do. Why is she deciding where they spend Christmas and who is involved? If she wants to travel on Christmas, let her, but your kids should be at home with their parents, not on some trip somewhere because Mom is too much of a bitch to not ruin Christmas.

Just file. As long as you continue to hope, she’ll continue to be a bitch. This is her hobby now. Get rid of her – she’s useless. She doesn’t want to be a wife and mom? Ok, throw her out. She can be anything she wants, but she shouldn’t be allowed to drag your family down with her.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You continue to have my deepest sympathy, but now you have my strongest hopes that you wake up, go 180, protect yourself and your kids, live your own life, and thrive, with your kids.

IMO, throughout this whole ordeal, you've been your own worst enemy. You are setting yourself to be screwed by your W without benefit of intercourse.

Start protecting yourself. Now.

(((bfm)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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