This is the time of day that I've sent most of my emails and text to my WW. She's so deep in the fog she doesn't care. I always hate myself later in the day for sending her anything. I have to remind myself that there is no reasoning with her right now.
We will read them and understand far better than she will.
You are right, I need to come out here and post those thoughts to get them out of my head rather than send them to the WW that doesnít care.
The problem I have is that I grew up in a house with a lot of drama and when disagreements arose in our relationship Iíd be the one to make sure I said I was sorry and weíd always make-up and move on and never let anything drag on too long. Thatís why I think I still fall into the fixer mode. I think I can say that one thing or do that one thing that will make her see my point. It always worked before and itís been hard to get out of that routine and realize this is different this time around.
In my mind I know I will never have what I had before with her but I just havenít convinced my heart of that yet.
For me, and I imagine for you, too, it's impossible to comprehend the switch that allows her not to care, because we don't have one. It makes the unconscious part of us believe, uncontrollably, that we must somehow have done something to deserve such horrible treatment, because we can't imagine ourselves treating anyone like that, let alone someone we love, unless there were a good reason.
Hang in there. Keep posting here.
We are on the same page. I get everything you're saying and understand.
I hate that feeling when you let your mind drift to a vision of your WW hooking up with the OM. You feel that sickness in your gut and you tingle a little. For a minute its almost more than you can stand.
I think that is when the disbelief is the highest. When you cannot believe that this women you still love would do this painful thing to you.
I just think, I didn't stop loving her, she stopped loving me. I think that is why we hurt so bad.
Look it takes time to get through it. Reality is that it won't be easy. I won't lie to you. But you will find it deep in yourself to move forward with life. Just be kind to yourself. It's ok to hurt right now. Eventually the pain will begin to ease.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
I too spent a lot of time sending texts and emails trying to fix what I saw as the reasons but it pushes him further away and makes him meaner so I am learning my lesson and trying to post other places instead.
I am very alone and sad.
More days than not I break down crying in the shower.
It also sucks that WH is not a morning person. I mean, neither am I but I get all these questions and thoughts in my head that I just want to unload on him and he just cannot handle it at that point.
All of the above posts are great and it's so true, you will see, as much as you just want to reach out to the WS and try reason, romance, beg, shout and rant them back, none of this will help unless they want to. Now, the only POWER you have is the power to help yourself. Look into the Healing Library as soon as you can. Buy as many self help books that you can start LOVING YOU! Go do something that makes you feel good. A sport, massage, meet up with a good friend for a chat, take a run, anything really to make you feel 'human' just fir a bit.
It's a life journey you may not have chosen but have to take unfortunately. Remember, this is almost like a death (of a secure, trust filled relationship) so you should expect to go through all the stages of grief : Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. There is no specific order and can interchange at any time.
Please keep posting whenever you have the desire to contact her. Many people 'listening' and understanding. ((((Hugs)))
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'