We dropped MC/IC last week after the last six months of "trying." He joined a chemical dependency program for about 2 weeks. He only had 4 more weeks to go to complete it. Now he tells me, he wants to spend time with the boys those 3x a week he's supposed to have program. And, he wants to drink again. In the beginning his excuse was he cheated bc of drinking, which I no longer believe thanks to Sammy Baker. (Thanks, hon.) So my logic, was no drinking, AA/12 step, etc. Well, he didn't bite.
I don't feel attached to him, I actually have no love for him, he irritates me, he takes advantage financially and honestly he has no where to go. So, my problem now is I can't get him to leave. And, really I'm paying rent, his car payment, supporting our family, why wouldn't he go. He has a free ride. He kind of works, but that's a whole other story.
Ok, I'm just venting. And now that I don't have IC anymore, this felt pretty damn good to get off my chest. I am seeking a psychiatrist, doing the 180, focusing on myself and the boys, doing my own thing, etc.
I don't need him and don't know how to get out of all this...It makes it hard because my OCD is relationship based. Hopefully, my new shrink can help.
Thanks for anyone listening.
You all rock and have hearts of steel. I know it's hard and I completely feel your pain...
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
WH#2 - Committed suicide in our home prior to divorce being final
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:31 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]
Happens all the time.
GET. A. LAWYER.
Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013
You said it. It's abuse.
I'm not in my house and probably gonna file bankruptcy, but anything was worth it to stop the abuse and manipulation.
I've healed so much since leaving him, and I feel your pain when you post. I promise your life will lift off more than you know when you get away from him. Figure out a way. Any way.
First, I'm proud of you fir no longer accepting his excuse and recognizing it for what it is.
Second, contact a lawyer baby and get your bitch boots on.
I believe in you. I really do.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Hopefully when you are even partially rid of this crazymaking relationship and person your OCD may magically go away. How long have you had it? So don't give up hope or get too far into that "diagnosis". Our bodies are constantly changing. Of course I love thinking outside the box.
He doesn't really work? Fine go sell his car (which is yours and in your name). Take him off as a user on the CC's, and checking, and debit accounts. Send him to the local homeless shelter, and if he isn't happy with that too damn bad.
YOU are strong, and YOU deserve far more, so start demanding it.
Time to change the locks, and send him on his merry little way.
So, worse case scenario, you have a few months to dis-entangle your finances, close all accounts that are joint, cancel credit cards, get your lawyer moving, etc. You can SO do this!
D-Day, June 10, 2012
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 12:04 PM, November 22nd (Friday)]
Stop doing things like his laundry, cooking for him (cook and feed you and the kids), etc. Take him off all your credit and debit cards. Report them stolen, that you need new cards and that you are the only one authorized to use them.
Keep track of all expenses - so he cannot claim spousal support or anything like that. I'm guessing everything you have is going to support the family. Even close your bank account and reopen it strictly in your name. Give him an "allowance". Do not keep cash in your purse or around the house. Assume he'll take it. Remove anything of value from the house that can be easily pawned - jewelry, collectibles, etc. Get a safe deposit box or keep them with a very trusted friend or family member.
With a history of substance abuse (alcohol) he cannot be trusted. I would also contact the car place you leased it from and weigh your options. If he crashes or does something to that car you may be liable. If it is your car, you can also move it to a friends garage for storage until April. Hell, if he takes it, you can report it stolen and he can go to jail if you tell him that he can no longer drive it.
See an attorney about the abuse and see if you can get him out of the house on those allegations.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.