WW wants to constantly talk about our relationship and why things went bad, etc...
I don't understand this line of thinking, we are going through D, and i have told her that R is not something i'm interested in and that we need to work through the D. There are no children.
Everytime she wants to talk about the D, she inevitably goes to saying how i've caused her to do an affair, that i've been having affairs when i travelled for business (which is 100% false). I sleep with a clear mind every night because i know i was honest and faithful to our vows. I kindly, and calmly tell her that discussing our relationship is a wasted time, energy, and leads us down a rabbit hole. Only to have her get more angry and threatening.
Has anyone had this crazy actions by their WS, when 1) they stepped out, 2) BS initiated the D and wants to continue through with it.
What the heck is wrong with these WS?
And practice this in the mirror. It will feel good:
I just don't understand when i'm giving my WW apperehently what she wanted, yet she wants to be nasty to me. I guess you can't reason with unrational people.
He wanted to dictate the terms of the divorce. He wanted no fault. He wanted me to continue to run our business by myself and sell it once it tripled in value and give him half the money. When he told me he wanted to marry her but have me as his mistress, I'm not proud of it but I cold cocked him and knocked him flat on his ass. OK. Maybe I'm a little proud.
Then I filed on the grounds of adultery and I named names, making her divorce all the more difficult. Too bad so sad.
My XPOS went nuts when he realized he lost control. He thought he could continue to rugsweep and I would continue to simply look the other way. We were actually talking civilly during S, even though I had told him several times I had packed all his stuff in a trailer on our property (he was out of state). Apparently he thought it was a bluff, until he found out it was not a bluff. His control of the situation was lost. He knew it and he went bonkers. Those are his true colors, and it is not pretty.
You are seeing your WW's true colors show. THAT is who she really is. Stick to your guns and 180 her! Don't try to figure out why she is doing it because you will never get an answer that makes any sense. Broken people are simply broken. Period.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Yes, I do believe it is a control thing. She still even 30+ days into our D process and "cooling" off period says she wants to try to save the marriage b/c she loves me.
For me I will continue to see my IC, get stronger, and focus on making sure I know how to be happy with myself.
I guess I am seeing the true colors\character. As I refelct on the past, I see the signs that I just dismissed during the courting, dating, and engagement phase of our relationship. Kind of pissed at myself for not listening to my gut at the time.
I have been doing the 180. I do not contact her unless it is D business related. I do not enter the house when she is there, no phone calls, no IM's nothing. I'm sure that adds to her anger. I do feel better when I don't engage with her at all. I am at peace with the D decision. I feel very calm and peaceful when i think about the decision and the final dissolution.
I practiced that in the mirror, Nature_Girl, and you're right! It does feel good!
And yeah, my STBX went bonkers when he was served. WTF-ever, dude.
Glad you are feeling so good about the decision. I am too..
These issues have been on-going since we got married. Plus she wasn't happy in her job and where her career was at, and we were starting a remodel on some parts of our house and she was going to manage that as well.
I guess i didn't realize working on oneself was going to lead to an A. WW is looking actively seeking employment again. She has always worked while we've been together. Idle hands are the devil's tools i guess they say. I really believe if she had found something sooner she would have gone anyways. Now I'm just praying that she secures employment soon to minimize my financial impact.
Yeah she is definitely broken, and doesn't believe IC is or was a way to work on oneself. Has a messed up belief that we have all that we need within ourselves to handle life. Well when life throws crap your way, sometimes, we need professional help to guide us through challenging times and help us address the pain and deep rooted issues.
[This message edited by ExhaustedWhat2do at 11:15 AM, November 22nd (Friday)]