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Sadness has hit hard

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Marathonwaseasy posted 11/21/2013 14:01 PM

I'm obsessed with this place and relationship advice online and books about boundaries, infidelity, love, forgiveness, resilience, vulnerability etc etc
A compulsion to gain knowledge. To be the best and most informed me possible

Won't undo anything though, will it?

I don't want this crushing reality

bobf posted 11/21/2013 14:09 PM

No one wants this. Not even the WS really. Mine started online cheating in small steps and was sucked into a whirling vortex of deceit and lies that nearly destroyed our marriage.

There are better times ahead. I always believe this. If your WS is committed to openness and truly sorry and your bond is not too badly damaged, there is hope for a rebirth to your marriage.

I believe mine is so I hope for better days, months and years of marriage.

I was not the most attentive spouse before my wife's OEA, not excusing her, she knows what she did was horrendous, but this also woke me up to being a better husband.

Better days are ahead. Believe.

Marathonwaseasy posted 11/21/2013 14:17 PM

Thank you bob
I do believe better days are ahead. We are already better in many ways
But I'm so broken hearted.

bionicgal posted 11/21/2013 14:20 PM

Oh, me too marathon (about obsessing about relationship & infidelity reading.) We are going to be so wise!

No - nothing can be undone. That is the sad fact. I struggle with acceptance daily, and am nowhere near there, totally. But, I see glimpses of it. Some days I have whole hours where I think I see what acceptance looks like.

So, although we can't undo what has been done, can we have better lives, and better marriages after this? Yes. Absolutely. Lots of people here that are much further along will tell you that. Does it hurt like a m-f? (Sorry.) Yes. It does.

Hang in there. The clouds will pass.

No12turn2 posted 11/21/2013 14:28 PM

Bob, I'm right there with you. My WW fell IN LOVE with her soul mate online. I don't want to come to this site sometimes because I read about all the WS who actually want to work things out. Mine could care less.

TennisTC posted 11/21/2013 15:19 PM

I could have written this exact same post Marathon. I've read countless books and I think I've googled every term/combination of terms for infidelity and affairs possible. It helps to know that others are feeling the same way and that I'm not alone.

Sal1995 posted 11/21/2013 16:10 PM

So sorry Marathon. I can relate to those feelings.

crazyblindsided posted 11/21/2013 17:45 PM

I can relate to this as well. I was like this in the beginning although it is wearing off now. The quest for knowledge about A's. I believe it is a way we feel we can gain some control of the situation, by understanding it.

blakesteele posted 11/21/2013 18:50 PM

(((Marathonwaseasy)))

I have read 17-20 infidelity books, $3-4k on counseling and a weekend retreat, lots of SI activity, talking with my pastor plus a real life friend.....so I reall understand your post.

If it helps....feeling more sad than usual too today.

You are on a specific prayer list I keep. I have faith this is helping. Part of the actual prayer is for courage. This journey is not for the faint of heart. You are strong...but this journey is too tough to be a solo trek. God understands the struggle that is adultery. Even on lesser burdens we are called to support one another.

We have your back....post often, especially when doubt and fear start to take hold.

Peace to us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:52 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

blakesteele posted 11/21/2013 18:58 PM

15 months out.....and I, too, can go for hours without thinking about the pain. I still spontaneously cry, but have gone almost 4 days since I did that.........so time and work is paying off!!

Hang in there kid!

ILINIA posted 11/21/2013 19:04 PM

I tend to research all sorts of random things in depth. I would joke that I reached "then end of the internet" . Well, due to the A I have discovered a whole new world, acronyms, and people. Love the people, hate the actual new world.

It is obsessive. I started with affair & marriage books and research, now I am onto meditation, happiness, and balance.

I'm 5 months from DDAY and I noticed that the A thoughts cease, but my mind isn't 100% focused on it, maybe only 99%. I will take that as a win for me.

Send you strength and hugs!

[This message edited by ILINIA at 7:05 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

jesurvis posted 11/21/2013 19:22 PM

I know it sounds hard, but does anybody else go to YouTube and search for touching videos to cry and get it out of the system? I particularly like the ones with returning soldiers from Iraq or Afghanistan where the wife is so excited to see them back.

I am in a particularly difficult week after starting IC. Everything is back...

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