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Newest Member: 20yearsplus (61840)

User Topic: Sadness and loss
♀ 38805
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was hit by a wave of sadness walking home from work today. Thinking I have absolutely no wish to celebrate Valentine's Day next day. My WH was in the affair at the time last year, with my friend. On the day, he stayed out drinking then came home drunk- and I asked him who he was with as I had a strong suspicion it was her, which he denied. I wish I had listened to my gut. I know he was talking to her that day. I still don't know what they were saying.

Instead, I spent the night trying to make him love me. Went for dinner. Held hands. Had very rough sex (which made me think, "Wow, he hates me"). He had told me a week before ILYBINILWY.

He left me the next day. And even though things are good, I walked home thinking about all the things his A has taken from me. Dates, songs, feelings, meanings.

When I got home, I was very quiet, noticably grumpy. I decided to tell him how I was feeling and why. I don't think I can be any kinder.

He sat in utter silence. Didn't say a word. I was waiting to be shouted at.

When about 15 minutes passed of him just not speaking, I picked up my laptop and went into the bedroom. I'm still here now. He's making dinner before he goes to work.

I want to talk to him, to ask for a hug or something- but it won't make a difference. Right now I just feel utterly devastated. I'd been feeling good but get hit by the, "this is my life. This happened to me and I didn't do anything to deserve this, I didn't even know it was happening when it was".

I hate this. And I would love someone to talk to about this but he is mostly amazing and I don't want anyone to think otherwise, and also most people think I should be, "over it" by now. I feel so lonely.

[This message edited by hobbeskat at 2:59 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

Posts: 309 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 40769
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wih I had some great words of wisdom for you. All I can say is that I am sorry you are feeling this right now. It is so unfair and sometimes the weight if the unfairness can be staggering- and hit you from out of nowhere.
Just try to remember that to take the time to do what you need. This is your pain and your sadness- unfortunately- but what that means is that you get the right to deal with it in the way that helps you.
I hope this reply finds you feeling somewhat better- I offer hugs anyway.

Just call me Wonder

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.

Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My bet is that everybody who stays here more than a couple of days thinks you shouldn't be anywhere near over being betrayed. I think your sadness now is a crucial part of your healing.

If you don't want celebrate something - anything - that other people may think you should celebrate, so be it. You know what you need for healing, and if it's not to celebrate, that's just the way it is.

I do think your best approach is to ask your H for the support you want - if you want a hug, ask.

I know that your best approach is not to make assumptions about how someone reacts. Your H could have been silent and apparently unresponsive because he realized (again) the tremendous impact his betrayal had on you, and he was so disturbed by what he did that he couldn't respond. It's best to ask him what he thinks and feels if he's not telling.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17077 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 38805
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally think that is why he was silent. He hates himself for this. He did come in and hug me and say sorry, but I just don't want to hear it right now. Have been crying, still crying. Just want to cry. Wish this fucking year would disappear. Wish I had never gotten married.

Posts: 309 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 40937
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you.

BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
Topic Posts: 5

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