BigIdiot:
What I would do IF porn had been the only issue!!!
If porn is the only issue - congrats for not taking it further. That is if you did nothing else.
See, porn is always degrading and humiliating to women. Period. NO further discussion. Your wife is probably thinking: he degrades women, he thinks of women as his personal sex objects, he objectifies women, he dehumanizes women (that is what porn sells), his sexual appetite is completely out of control (it gets worse the longer you use and you are a user), he cannot be a good father, a good man is definitely not a good husband. You are a liar and have led a secret life. Men think porn is no big deal. I'll switch places with you. You be a woman and live in a world where women are 2nd place and used as sex objects and are given no to little respect and are judged upon your looks from the time you are born until you are dead. A woman is valued by her looks and if men want to fuck her. I'll switch with you for one month and then we come back into our bodies and you will see how horrible it is for women so much of the time. And then we have to worry about being raped, if someone is going to break into our homes and not only steal, but rape or kills us and we cannot ever walk outside alone at night. NOT ever.
Yes - porn creates a lot of shit for women. It takes whatever false sense of safety we have away. And you, our husband, waynk off to it.
That is a lot of over come.
And I know you are like - but that's all shit and it's not like that and all the other defenses that some to mind. Well, it is all that and there is no defense.
HOWEVER to defend YOU - I will say, I'd love to tell your wife how fortunate she is that you only did porn. ONLY is used here because mine did everything else all the way up to a lot of prostitutes - not one, not two - dozens. I hate him like I"ve never hated anyone. But I am still here, with my baby, for now because I cannot leave yet - but I hate him.
I think you wife really should work on herself more but she is too hurt. She should be talking to you all the time about IT. You should be in counseling together. To me, this is very workable. My situation is not. I am very verbally abusive to my H. He wants to go to MC but I keep saying, why? There is no marriage to work on, you know?
But you do have one still.
I'm giving you hope, will all this, really, I am. You can come back from this.
I'd suggest spending A LOT of money on her for anniversary. It's better than not, ok? Money won't fix things, but being cheap will even make it worse.
HIre a maid or clean the house yourself spotless. If you have a yard, make it perfect. What's her favorite thing to do? HIre a maid for like a month - unless you have one. Really, a clean house does a lot. Do all the laundry. Do all the dishes - for a month - this is part of your gift to her and then from now on make sure you help out more.
Then, does she like jewelry? If not how about a gorgeous watch. She may or may not want to go to a restaurant. Make a reservation anyway. It's up to her if you go or not. Buy her some clothes - look in her closet or dirty laundry is best - to find out what her size is exactly. Do personal things, because she is your wife and you do personal things for your wife and no one else.
You have a lot to make up for. My husband cannot - I have no interest. But you can totally fix this is you are sorry, grateful to have her in your life, contribute, not just financially, and become a real husband completely truthful all times - the kind of husband she THOUGHT you were.
Good luck.
