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Newest Member: Thefighter (60790)

User Topic: It really shouldn't be this hard
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Despite my SAFWH's long period of sobriety, working his program, going to IC, seeing a psychiatric doctor for his BP disorder, despite MC, YEARS of effort on my part to reassure him that I am NOT the enemy, that dynamic of competition is still the one that dominates our lives. I back off,so as not to engage. That just furthers the distance between us. Any intimacy is impossible. He has VAST layers of resentment towards me, denies it, but his actions are clear. I believe it fed the acting out. I made excuses for his behavior for a long time. I'm too tired to do it anymore.
An example.
Me: I think the store we want is on the other side of the mall. Drive around that side and we'll read the signs.
Him: Why should we drive around that side?! We are already on this side.
Me: Well, it doesn't matter, but I think I remember it being on the other side.
Him: No! Look! You were wrong! I told you we should have gone the other way!
Me: I said it didn't matter, I thought I remembered it over there.
Him: I don't want to go through with the whole transcript thing!

Now, who the f... cares? I didn't. But he was so insistent that he be right, and I be wrong. I should mention that neither of us have been at that mall for a number of years, and that we had heavy items to carry making it important to locate to entrance closest our destination.

Another example.

We were listening to a lecture,outdoors. The speaker gestured to the group to move around to my right so that more people could hear/see. There was no more room to my right, a man was directly next to me. SAFWH began pushing on my left arm, saying "Move down! Didn't you hear him say move!?" I told him I couldn't move any further, something that should have been apparent to him, I'm only 5'. If he wanted to walk on front of me to go even further to the right he could have done so.

Third example.
He's not terribly computer savvy. I am. He was getting frustrated, complaining. I offered to fix the problem but needed to get onto his computer to play with it, he's using IE, I am not as familiar with it,I'd have to experiment. He got snotty, I backed off. However, DS came along, same offer, got his hands on the computer, SAFWH was polite, gracious and appreciative of virtually the same help that I was going to give him. Nice to DS, bitchy to me.

It's triggery, because I KNOW its the same behavior he displayed with his OW and stripper friends. Pleasant and charming with them and a nasty SOB to me.

I hate this. I don't deserve it. It's exhausting.

Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 6159 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, you don't deserve to be treated like that. EX did the same thing to me. He'd completely destroy me any chance he got.

It feels good to not be afraid anymore.


Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 50400 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 3

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