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They make the decision, our life changes

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MollyJo posted 11/22/2013 08:51 AM

It's been close to 5 years since my Dday and XSO is long gone...

...but I woke up this morning thinking, once again, about how HIS decision to have "breakup sex" with his whore WITHOUT BIRTH CONTROL spun my life around and put it on a track I never expected and never wanted.

All my dreams, built up over years and years, evaporated in that one moment. My entire belief system--shattered. My certainty in true love and a connection beyond explanation--shown for what it was: a childish fantasy.

He'd say that his life was just as changed when I left him, that he didn't escape unscathed, that he was just as ruined by his selfish, idiotic act as I--but the truth is, he got what he always wanted: a child of his own.

And the worst part is, I had nothing to do with this at all. He would fully admit that he was extremely happy in our relationship; that he loved our goals as much as I did. HIS self-centered, shameful behavior ruined only one life--and it wasn't his.

sparkysable posted 11/22/2013 08:57 AM

I know exactly how you feel. And it's not fair. THEY make a decision with no regard for the ripple effects.

Thefly559 posted 11/22/2013 09:04 AM

I am sorry.

Whalers11 posted 11/22/2013 09:12 AM

I could have written this post, as I completely understand.

My WxSO tried to tell me the same thing - his life was ruined and he screwed things up for himself just as much as for. But then in the same breath his will say how much he loves OC and that being a father is the best thing ever.

If I'm completely honest - as much as I want children and a family, I still have a very hard time picturing anyone but him as my husband/kids' father. It was always him. But he went and did that with someone else, and I am left with nothing...

MollyJo posted 11/22/2013 09:47 AM

Whalers--PLEASE don't let his idiocy keep you from having a family. You don't actually need a man, you know.

My GREATEST regret is that during all the years that he was gaslighting me about his LTA (and telling me that "the time wasn't right" for us to have kids, I guess because he didn't want to cheat on his cOW), I didn't just go ahead and have them on my own. By the time I realized that he was a sociopathic cheating weasel, it was too late for me tho heaven knows I tried--I was actually at home on bed rest from IVF treatments when he got his whore pregnant).

There's not one single day that goes by that it doesn't stab me in the heart that I'll never had a child of my own. Yes, I'd have preferred that the "love of my life" had been the father, but I'd take single mom over no kids any day of the week.

Nature_Girl posted 11/22/2013 11:32 AM

My GREATEST regret is that during all the years that he was gaslighting me about his LTA (and telling me that "the time wasn't right" for us to have kids, I guess because he didn't want to cheat on his cOW), I didn't just go ahead and have them on my own. By the time I realized that he was a sociopathic cheating weasel, it was too late for me tho heaven knows I tried--I was actually at home on bed rest from IVF treatments when he got his whore pregnant).

There's not one single day that goes by that it doesn't stab me in the heart that I'll never had a child of my own. Yes, I'd have preferred that the "love of my life" had been the father, but I'd take single mom over no kids any day of the week.

There ought to be a way to sue someone for denying you your right to be a parent.

MollyJo posted 11/26/2013 06:41 AM

Amen to that.

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