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14 months since D-day

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Charwheeze posted 11/22/2013 14:05 PM

I haven't posted in a longtime. SI was my crutch during the worst days post d-day. I had never cried or despaired so much in my life. SI gave me an understanding and a hope that we can survive and thrive from infidelity. I understand why my ex-WW did what she did. She has since told me that I was a good husband, that she would take it back if she could, and that she's ashamed of what she's done. Since my last post, I've been through 9 months of talk therapy, a divorce, separating assets, selling my home, moving into an apartment, and helping a good friend through her divorce.

That good friend is also now my lover, and we're very much taking it slow, traveling together, and making each other laugh. She's been a blessing to me and we both feel happy. We both leaned on each other through our divorces over the summer and it was such a gift. We base our entire relationship on honesty, because we both suffered from so much deception from our exes.

Her ex (my former friend) had been physically violent with her a few times, never put forth any effort in their short marriage, shows severe anger projection, has ADHD, and possibly suffers from a personality disorder. They separated, he quit counseling after 3 weeks, he started dating and having sex with other people, he broke off their marriage, and then moved to the other side of town to be with his new girlfriend. They had issues for close to 2 years. Suffice to say that he is no longer my friend and I have zero respect for him anymore. For these reasons I also feel justified in seeing her.

Our mutual friends are happy for us. Most were aware of how horrible we both were treated from our exes and they're excited to see the two of us enjoying each other's company. At first I thought it was going to be awkward because I assumed people were going to make harsh judgements of me breaking the friend code or making wrong assumptions of her leaving her ex for me. People did show a little confusion, but after a small conversation they know understand our circumstances.

Our relationship sprung out of chaos, and life is becoming normal again. We are being cautious and casual, not making any big plans, and taking it easy. It feels good to not cry anymore. It feels good to not worry about how I'm going to go on without my ex-WW. I never thought I'd feel this way...indifference towards the one I spent half my lifetime loving and caring for. I haven't forgiven her yet. I hear these things take time.

Sorry this is long, I haven't written in my journal in a long time so it's nice to put my thoughts to the screen. Thanks for reading. I'm doing just fine.

thyme2go posted 11/22/2013 14:43 PM

Is your SO divorced?


Charwheeze posted 11/22/2013 15:20 PM

Oh yeah. She divorced shortly after me. The timing lined up well. My marriage dissolved 9 months after separation, and hers dissolved 2-3 months after separation. Her SO gave up on her, quickly ended it, and got underneath someone else uncomfortably quickly. He told me that's how he ended all his past relationships... he would leave them before they could leave him. He also does a clean slate behavior after relationships end... He cuts out everyone, picks up and moves to a new place, state, country, then makes all new friends. He's never kept any life long friendships. I can see why with his slash and burn lifestyle.

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