SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

NJdadof4 posted 11/22/2013 14:20 PM

Just found out this morning that my ww did not cut off contact after DDay number one on August 18. She got a prepaid cellphone, and reignited her affair with th OM. We've been in MC since August, and she has been lying to me and the MC at every meeting. Insisting that she hasn't seen or talked to the guy since DDay number 1. Well, she been setting him several times daily, and met with him in the parking lot of a local bar Saturday night and have him a blowjob in his car. BTW, she's 43, the mother of two kids aged 8 an 5, and volunteers at our kid's catholic school. Two nights ago, she left a PTA meeting and met him for drinks. This morning, I found her other cell phone. All the text were there. I'm disgusted. I don't know what to do. She says she needs psychological help...uh, yeah. I've been on Zoloft since August, and in mc and ic. I Valle her parents and told them. They are on their way here now to talk to us. I am so freaking sad, angry, humiliated, played, and numb.

tushnurse posted 11/22/2013 20:03 PM

I am so do sorry that this happened to you.
This is an all to common occurrence. Please don't be embarrassed, ashamed, or feel like you have been played. You attempted to do what a spouse that loves their partner does.

She chose to continue. She chose to cheat. She chose to lie. Now that she has been caught she's playing the I'm crazy card. Don't Fall for it. Don't believe anything she says. If you ate still willing to try to r then you need to figure out exactly what you want and need from her and be very clear and concise with her about what those things are and be ready to have consequences and carry through.

See an attorney an find out what your rights are and what her obligations are.
If OM has a wife notify her immediately. A's thrive in secrecy and die in the light of day.
Get STD tested even if you did on the original DDay. Make her get tested as well. You need to be very in her face about all of this and be very clear that you do not trust and won't for a long time and if she takes issue with that too damn bad.

You can and will make it through this and even though you don't feel like it now you will be stronger and smarter and if you take care of you properly you will be happier, with or without her.

Keep posting. Keep reading and take care of you.
(((( and strength ))))

[This message edited by tushnurse at 8:10 PM, November 22nd (Friday)]

DefeatedDad posted 11/23/2013 02:59 AM

You cannot nice a cheater out of an affair. You have been too nice and she has played on your weakness.

Ask her to leave.

Go see an attorney and start the divorce process. Have her served publicly. You can always dismiss the divorce late if she starts showing true remorse.

Have your paycheck routed to another new account in your name only. Start dividing finances. Do not allow her access to your wages.

Read and start living the 180. Begin to detach yourself and demonstrate to her you are willing to walk away. Let her see what she will be losing.

Only strong decisive actions by you will allow you to take back the control from her. It may snap her out of the fog or it may not, but at the very least you will start moving in a defined direction. That is better than wallowing in limbo.

You have to be willing to lose your marriage to save it. Do you have the courage to do so?

authenticnow posted 11/23/2013 05:43 AM

Please use the other thread on this topic.

Thank you.