SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

gahurts posted 11/22/2013 15:19 PM

DS20 turns 21 next Friday. Unfortunately for him he still cannot have his first legal drink because he is on probation from his conviction for passing bad checks.He was able to plea first offender status back in July which once he serves his probabtion then it will all be wiped off his record. He has 3-1/2 years out of a 4 year probation sentance left.

But now I just got a call from his L. The first thing that he was arrested for is a pot charge with intent to distribute. I wrote on a earlier thread that he was pulled over because the tags were way out of date and they arrested him for possession and two weapons charges because he had a pocket knife on him and a fixed blade in the car with him.

This afternoon the L finally got back to us. He said that DS was indicted and he has an arraignment hearing on Dec 3 at 9:00 am. He said he needs to have all his paperwork showing when he has gone to AA meetings and any check stubs.

He got hired at a job about a month ago. They told him they could hire him, brought him in and started training. The next day they said that the corporate office said that he could not work there until 5 years after his sentencing date and they let him go.

So now it comes down to the wire. He has to be ready to accept a deal on that day if the L can get one. Or whatever sentence they give him. It could mean prison time. Who knows what is going to happen.

The kid is stuck in neutral and I don't know how to get him off center short of throwning him on the street and I am not there yet and cannot do it yet. I know others here have and I feel so much for them. The kid isn't bad, he is lost. And doesn't have a lot of initiative.

This has me really shook up. Please pray for him that he can get iot together and that he is not given a harsh sentence when it is not necessary.

lieshurt posted 11/22/2013 15:22 PM

I'm sending lots of prayers your way.

(((gahurts & son)))

authenticnow posted 11/22/2013 15:31 PM

Gahurts,

I know the feeling when you have a DS who breaks the law and you know they're not 'evil lawbreakers', just lost, addicted, stupid, whatever. I am constantly torn between our DS suffering natural consequences for his actions, and the feelings of knowing he's got a good heart, is really a big teddy bear who just cannot seem to find his way.

I will send good thoughts to your DS and include him in my prayers.

Jeaniegirl posted 11/22/2013 15:37 PM

Because of his age and first offenses, please talk to his L about getting his case moved to drug court instead of criminal court. This could also help get free drug counseling and companies DO hire young people in such programs as it shows they are trying to move forward.

gahurts posted 11/22/2013 15:45 PM

Thanks everyone. It really helps me to feel such support.

Jeanie girl, He was arrested with 3 bags that were carefully weighed out and a scale. He's been charged with 3 felony counts - one for the drugs and the other two for weapons charges. My L is trying just about everythign he knows how to - but I will suggest it and see what he says. THX

jo2love posted 11/22/2013 16:07 PM

(((Gahurts & DS)))

Saying prayers and sending mojo.

abbycadabby posted 11/22/2013 17:49 PM

(((gahurts)))

Prayers for strength for you to face whatever comes next.

Prayers for your DS that the system is lenient with him if possible and that he gets his rear outta neutral if presented with the gift of leniency.

Chrysalis123 posted 11/22/2013 23:24 PM

(((gahurts))) Oh my gosh, I know a little of what you are going through. I am sorry this is so darn hard. for you.

Sad in AZ posted 11/23/2013 01:09 AM

GA, this may be hard to swallow, but maybe a harsh sentence is what is needed to catch your DS's attention and focus him on straightening out his life. I'm not saying give up on him, but you have to realize you have no control over this situation. Let the attorney do what he can, accept whatever is handed down and move forward from there.

You're a good dad; you love each other, and you both will get through this.

DeadMumWalking posted 11/23/2013 01:51 AM

((((gahurts))))

Sending strength to you and DS. I understand your heartache.

((((gahurts))))

lynnm1947 posted 11/23/2013 16:32 PM

gahurts, I have nothing to add that could help you, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

jjsr posted 11/23/2013 19:41 PM

Sending you good thoughts

gahurts posted 11/24/2013 08:03 AM

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support.

Sad, I understand what you are saying and I agree with you. My worry is that we live in a tough county and it would not be justified for him to spend many months or years in prison for this. There are so many bigger fish to fry yet some counties want to make an example of small time kids who are doing something wrong but in the grand scheme of things it is fairly small.

He is feeling the effects of his actions and is concerned but it hasn't translated into action yet. Now the other night he applied for three jobs online. I told him he needs to be applying to at least two every day.

gahurts posted 12/2/2013 13:59 PM

Please say a prayer that the hearing goes smoothly tomorrow. I really want DS21 to get the message and be rattled just enough to be motivated but to not be seriously punished.

His L says that jail time is likely but we do not know how much or if it will be jail or prison. Also he says that Ds will not likely be taken into custody right then but would have time to sort out his affairs. His mother and I are really hoping that any confinement can start after the new year but I really question if they would give him an entire month.

I am really upset with this whole thing and am having trouble keeping the depression away. I'm trying not to let it drag me down but I am really not very hopeful.

Jrazz posted 12/2/2013 14:03 PM

Sending prayers and good thoughts for the hearing.

(((gahurts)))

authenticnow posted 12/2/2013 14:32 PM

You're in my thoughts today, Gahurts.

nowiknow23 posted 12/2/2013 15:15 PM

(((((gahurts & DS))))) Sending you both strength.

karmahappens posted 12/2/2013 17:14 PM

(((gahurts)))

I have been in your shoes. My son finally just got off probation this summer.

It has been a long 5 years.

We struggle with him being a good kid vs doing something wrong. Ultimately, because of his choices we had to ask him to leave our house. He was really lost and making bad choices over and over again.

It is the hardest thing in the world to do and nobody can tell you what is good for your child. It is quite a personal journey.

Prayers for you both tonight and tomorrow. I am sure your heart is in your throat and you will worry until it's done.

Hope it all goes ok and he comes out on the other side a little wiser.

(((hugs)))

DeadMumWalking posted 12/2/2013 17:15 PM

((((gahurts & DS))))

Sending MOJO and strength your way for tomorrow, I hope it goes well for you both.

((((gahurts & DS))))

woundedby2 posted 12/2/2013 17:21 PM

(((GA)))

I hope things go well tomorrow. I can imagine how stressful this is for you. Sending mojo and positive thoughts for you and your son.