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MammaMia posted 11/22/2013 17:43 PM

After Dday, what would you like your WS to know? What is important to you that he know?

Personally I want him to know ( and have told him a few times) that I have no blind trust in him anymore. My motto is : Trust but investigate ( have told him that, too)

I would like him to know( have not told him that ) that I have lost all respect for him.

I would like him to know ( and have told him) that there will be no third strike. If it happens again he's out. Period.

Sadwife222 posted 11/22/2013 17:51 PM

I'd like him to REALLY know that the end of our marriage will not be another affair, it will be another lie.
I've told him that any lies he's told me still, must be revealed by him, and no one else, or I'll file.

emotionalgirl posted 11/22/2013 19:41 PM

1. That I don't trust him at all anymore!

2. That he ripped my heart out!

3. That I no longer have the respect for him I used to.

4. That I gave him everyone I am and he threw that gift away.

5. That I don't know if I can love him like I used to!

He knows all of these things and right now I don't think he cares. We are living an in house separation, and unless he can prove his worth our marriage is over! I have moved past anger into grieving the loss of everything I knew?

storm77 posted 11/22/2013 21:55 PM

1. That you taught me what the word hate really means.
2.I do not respect you!
3.I am choosing to believe you are the person you have shown me.
4.I will never love you the same way.
5.You are a liar and taught out daughter to lie

Nailinmyforehead posted 11/23/2013 04:56 AM

I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation.

doggiediva posted 11/23/2013 07:20 AM

********I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation.*****************************************************

Exactly! I ditto the above and I let WH know that in my own words..
The unremorseful don't care, either we have to suck up to their selfishness, relish and enjoy the crumbs that they toss us (superficial attempts at R), or we are just tossed aside like so much dirty used trash...


I have also lost all respect for him (told him) due to the cheating and not working and the lack of remorse..


I would like him to know (haven't told him) he is not all that and a box of crumbs for the female population to fawn over...especially when he parades around in his underwear

KatieG posted 11/23/2013 07:25 AM

How much I appreciate his decision to come back to me and R.

Leafan1976 posted 11/23/2013 09:01 AM

I wish I could tell her
I'm broken. And can never be repaired.
I am a mere shell of the man I once was.
That even after 4 years I still cry
That every day something reminds me what she did.

jzkc1502 posted 11/23/2013 10:09 AM

I'd like him to know:
1. I used to feel worthless, but now I feel empowered.
2. I don't need him in my life
3. While I appreciate his remorse, it does not mean I want to stay with him.

Dyinghere posted 11/23/2013 12:19 PM

That I matter. That our marriage is important.

Quakingaspen posted 11/23/2013 19:32 PM

I would want him to understand that he had ONE job: to love me, the rest could've come. If only we'd been facing it together.

Uhtred posted 11/23/2013 20:51 PM

I'd like my wife to know that she has truly and utterly destroyed me. I'd like her to truly understand what hell on earth is and that I'm living in it.

I want her to know why almost everyday that I can't bare to think of all of the things she has done to me and understand why I flip flop all of the time on leaving her for good.

I'd like for her to experience one days worth of my triggers and to feel what I feel. I'd like for her to understand that sometimes sorry isn't good enough.

ladycody posted 11/23/2013 22:38 PM

That I actually like my own company and am truly ready to strike off on my own if that is what has to happen. That I DO love him and this is his chance...but only because a successful R is worth it to me....anything less than great (with due time) is not worth it to me. If he fails...I'm ready and have a plan...whether that needs to be implemented next year or 10 years from now...I WILL be prepared to care for myself.

whyme1525 posted 11/24/2013 01:18 AM

I have to say that I want my wife to know exactly word for word what Uhtred said. I couldn't have said it better there wouldn't be anything I would change. ..

greengiant posted 11/24/2013 06:41 AM

Already told her those things :

She broke me, but I will get through it.
I think about what she did almost every minute.
We will never be the same, thanks to her I'm going through a trauma.
But...
If she recognize her problems, if she work them through, she will be stronger and our couple will be better. But this time, she has to be serious about this as I won't go through this another time.

hurtsobadinside posted 11/24/2013 07:03 AM

nailinmyforehead has the exact same situation I have been dealing with and I applaud him for saying it best...i feel the same totally

"I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation."

me: 58
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA) with her former boss
one d-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 25 yrs
in "R" and its been roller-coaster
D-day 3-13-12
confronted 6 wks later
I contacted AP's faithful wife and we both kept tabs on our waywards
True NC= July 2012
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful

lostandhopless posted 1/18/2014 20:38 PM

Only how much better off I am without her draining me totally. That she is a despicable person and now she has to live with it by herself..

shatteredapart posted 1/20/2014 12:45 PM

1. You shattered me in every possible way with your lies and deception.
2. I will NEVER trust you fully again.
3. I don't understand why you lie about the smallest, unimportant things.
4. I wish you would see you need I
5. I wish you had told me everything right away instead of TT. Now I can't believe you've told me everything.
6. Your actions and lies have not only hurt me but our children.
7. How could you be so selfish?!
8. How could you keep hurting me after dday#1...still talking to & seeing her even after I told you the devastation it would cause? The irreparable damage?!
Why, why, why?!!! I'll NEVER understand.

aero1122 posted 1/20/2014 20:23 PM

I want him to know (and have told him this)

1. He broke me in a way I never thought I could be

2. I will never fully trust him again

3. I have lost all respect for him as a man, husband and father.

4. I will never love him the same way

scarednbroken posted 1/20/2014 20:54 PM

I've given you a hundred chances. You just used your last one. I tried harder than you did. My heart is now empty for you and filled for our children.

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