Topic: What Would You Like?
Member # 34030
| Posted: 5:43 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
After Dday, what would you like your WS to know? What is important to you that he know?
Personally I want him to know ( and have told him a few times) that I have no blind trust in him anymore. My motto is : Trust but investigate ( have told him that, too)
I would like him to know( have not told him that ) that I have lost all respect for him.
I would like him to know ( and have told him) that there will be no third strike. If it happens again he's out. Period.
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Posts: 923 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 40050
| Posted: 5:51 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
I'd like him to REALLY know that the end of our marriage will not be another affair, it will be another lie.
I've told him that any lies he's told me still, must be revealed by him, and no one else, or I'll file.
Me BW, Him WH (sosorry54)
TT until 9/18/14
Posts: 167 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40184
| Posted: 7:41 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
1. That I don't trust him at all anymore!
2. That he ripped my heart out!
3. That I no longer have the respect for him I used to.
4. That I gave him everyone I am and he threw that gift away.
5. That I don't know if I can love him like I used to!
He knows all of these things and right now I don't think he cares. We are living an in house separation, and unless he can prove his worth our marriage is over! I have moved past anger into grieving the loss of everything I knew?
1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Married 25 years....finally in R
Posts: 377 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40277
| Posted: 9:55 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
1. That you taught me what the word hate really means.
2.I do not respect you!
3.I am choosing to believe you are the person you have shown me.
4.I will never love you the same way.
5.You are a liar and taught out daughter to lie
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.
Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Member # 38427
| Posted: 4:56 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation.
"Son, you've got the future- shining like a piece of gold, but I swear as we get closer- it looks more like a lump of coal"
Posts: 137 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Ohio
Member # 33806
| Posted: 7:20 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
********I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation.*****************************************************
Exactly! I ditto the above and I let WH know that in my own words..
The unremorseful don't care, either we have to suck up to their selfishness, relish and enjoy the crumbs that they toss us (superficial attempts at R), or we are just tossed aside like so much dirty used trash...
I have also lost all respect for him (told him) due to the cheating and not working and the lack of remorse..
I would like him to know (haven't told him) he is not all that and a box of crumbs for the female population to fawn over...especially when he parades around in his underwear
Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite
Posts: 2606 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 41222
| Posted: 7:25 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
How much I appreciate his decision to come back to me and R.
DD#1 - Oct 13
"Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive" - CS Lewis
Posts: 719 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 36338
| Posted: 9:01 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
I wish I could tell her
I'm broken. And can never be repaired.
I am a mere shell of the man I once was.
That even after 4 years I still cry
That every day something reminds me what she did.
Me- 37 BS Her - 32 WW (LTA)
Married 13 years
OM was an issue the whole time. An ex.
LTA went on through the majority of our M
Working on R
2 kids one 2 1/2 boy one 12 yo daughter
Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 40496
| Posted: 10:09 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
I'd like him to know:
1. I used to feel worthless, but now I feel empowered.
2. I don't need him in my life
3. While I appreciate his remorse, it does not mean I want to stay with him.
Me: BS 30
Him: WH 30
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorced 9/11/14
Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Member # 41313
| Posted: 12:19 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
That I matter. That our marriage is important.
Posts: 204 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 41153
| Posted: 7:32 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
I would want him to understand that he had ONE job: to love me, the rest could've come. If only we'd been facing it together.
I've seen enough.
D-Day: Too many in 17 years of marriage. LAST time 10/17/2013.
Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: A little bit closer to Reality
Member # 40392
| Posted: 8:51 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
I'd like my wife to know that she has truly and utterly destroyed me. I'd like her to truly understand what hell on earth is and that I'm living in it.
I want her to know why almost everyday that I can't bare to think of all of the things she has done to me and understand why I flip flop all of the time on leaving her for good.
I'd like for her to experience one days worth of my triggers and to feel what I feel. I'd like for her to understand that sometimes sorry isn't good enough.
Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”
Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Member # 41401
| Posted: 10:38 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
That I actually like my own company and am truly ready to strike off on my own if that is what has to happen. That I DO love him and this is his chance...but only because a successful R is worth it to me....anything less than great (with due time) is not worth it to me. If he fails...I'm ready and have a plan...whether that needs to be implemented next year or 10 years from now...I WILL be prepared to care for myself.
Posts: 131 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 40878
| Posted: 1:18 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013|
I have to say that I want my wife to know exactly word for word what Uhtred said. I couldn't have said it better there wouldn't be anything I would change. ..
Posts: 59 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: whyme1525
Member # 41196
| Posted: 6:41 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013|
Already told her those things :
She broke me, but I will get through it.
I think about what she did almost every minute.
We will never be the same, thanks to her I'm going through a trauma.
If she recognize her problems, if she work them through, she will be stronger and our couple will be better. But this time, she has to be serious about this as I won't go through this another time.
ME - BS - 35 (33 on dDay)
fWW - 35 (33 on dDay)
Married 10 years, together 17
3 kids: 8, 6 and 4
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW
Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
Member # 35308
| Posted: 7:03 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013|
nailinmyforehead has the exact same situation I have been dealing with and I applaud him for saying it best...i feel the same totally
"I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation."
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA) with her former boss
one d-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 25 yrs
in "R" and its been roller-coaster
confronted 6 wks later
I contacted AP's faithful wife and we both kept tabs on our waywards
True NC= July 2012
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful
Posts: 163 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
Member # 41568
| Posted: 8:38 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014|
Only how much better off I am without her draining me totally. That she is a despicable person and now she has to live with it by herself..
Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....
Posts: 144 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 41978
| Posted: 12:45 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014|
1. You shattered me in every possible way with your lies and deception.
2. I will NEVER trust you fully again.
3. I don't understand why you lie about the smallest, unimportant things.
4. I wish you would see you need I
5. I wish you had told me everything right away instead of TT. Now I can't believe you've told me everything.
6. Your actions and lies have not only hurt me but our children.
7. How could you be so selfish?!
8. How could you keep hurting me after dday#1...still talking to & seeing her even after I told you the devastation it would cause? The irreparable damage?!
Why, why, why?!!! I'll NEVER understand.
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell
Posts: 124 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
Member # 41575
| Posted: 8:23 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014|
I want him to know (and have told him this)
1. He broke me in a way I never thought I could be
2. I will never fully trust him again
3. I have lost all respect for him as a man, husband and father.
4. I will never love him the same way
Together 18 years
Married 7 years
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R
I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!
Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 41961
| Posted: 8:54 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014|
I've given you a hundred chances. You just used your last one. I tried harder than you did. My heart is now empty for you and filled for our children.
BS: Me 44 WH: 51 Kids: 14, 16, 18, 29 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for
Posts: 422 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
|Topic Posts: 22|