Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: What Would You Like?
MammaMia
♀ 34030
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After Dday, what would you like your WS to know? What is important to you that he know?

Personally I want him to know ( and have told him a few times) that I have no blind trust in him anymore. My motto is : Trust but investigate ( have told him that, too)

I would like him to know( have not told him that ) that I have lost all respect for him.

I would like him to know ( and have told him) that there will be no third strike. If it happens again he's out. Period.


And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 884 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Sadwife222
♀ 40050
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like him to REALLY know that the end of our marriage will not be another affair, it will be another lie.
I've told him that any lies he's told me still, must be revealed by him, and no one else, or I'll file.


Me BW, Him WH (sosorry54)
DD 4/12/13
TT until 9/18/14

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jul 2013
emotionalgirl
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. That I don't trust him at all anymore!

2. That he ripped my heart out!

3. That I no longer have the respect for him I used to.

4. That I gave him everyone I am and he threw that gift away.

5. That I don't know if I can love him like I used to!

He knows all of these things and right now I don't think he cares. We are living an in house separation, and unless he can prove his worth our marriage is over! I have moved past anger into grieving the loss of everything I knew?


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
storm77
♀ 40277
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. That you taught me what the word hate really means.
2.I do not respect you!
3.I am choosing to believe you are the person you have shown me.
4.I will never love you the same way.
5.You are a liar and taught out daughter to lie


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Nailinmyforehead
♂ 38427
Member # 38427
Default  Posted: 4:56 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation.


"Son, you've got the future- shining like a piece of gold, but I swear as we get closer- it looks more like a lump of coal"

Posts: 137 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Ohio
doggiediva
♀ 33806
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

********I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation.*****************************************************

Exactly! I ditto the above and I let WH know that in my own words..
The unremorseful don't care, either we have to suck up to their selfishness, relish and enjoy the crumbs that they toss us (superficial attempts at R), or we are just tossed aside like so much dirty used trash...


I have also lost all respect for him (told him) due to the cheating and not working and the lack of remorse..


I would like him to know (haven't told him) he is not all that and a box of crumbs for the female population to fawn over...especially when he parades around in his underwear


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1423 | Registered: Nov 2011
KatieG
♀ 41222
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How much I appreciate his decision to come back to me and R.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 514 | Registered: Nov 2013
Leafan1976
♂ 36338
Member # 36338
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could tell her
I'm broken. And can never be repaired.
I am a mere shell of the man I once was.
That even after 4 years I still cry
That every day something reminds me what she did.


Me- 37 BS Her - 32 WW (LTA)
Married 13 years
OM was an issue the whole time. An ex.
LTA went on through the majority of our M
Working on R
2 kids one 2 1/2 boy one 12 yo daughter

Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2012
jzkc1502
40496
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like him to know:
1. I used to feel worthless, but now I feel empowered.
2. I don't need him in my life
3. While I appreciate his remorse, it does not mean I want to stay with him.


Me: BS 30
Him: WH 29
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorced 9/11/14

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Dyinghere
♀ 41313
Member # 41313
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That I matter. That our marriage is important.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Nov 2013
Quakingaspen
♀ 41153
Member # 41153
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would want him to understand that he had ONE job: to love me, the rest could've come. If only we'd been facing it together.


I've seen enough.

WS-SA/NPD
D-Day: Too many in 17 years of marriage. LAST time 10/17/2013.


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: A little bit closer to Reality
Uhtred
♂ 40392
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like my wife to know that she has truly and utterly destroyed me. I'd like her to truly understand what hell on earth is and that I'm living in it.

I want her to know why almost everyday that I can't bare to think of all of the things she has done to me and understand why I flip flop all of the time on leaving her for good.

I'd like for her to experience one days worth of my triggers and to feel what I feel. I'd like for her to understand that sometimes sorry isn't good enough.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
ladycody
♀ 41401
Member # 41401
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That I actually like my own company and am truly ready to strike off on my own if that is what has to happen. That I DO love him and this is his chance...but only because a successful R is worth it to me....anything less than great (with due time) is not worth it to me. If he fails...I'm ready and have a plan...whether that needs to be implemented next year or 10 years from now...I WILL be prepared to care for myself.


Me 47
WS 41
M=16 years

Posts: 130 | Registered: Nov 2013
whyme1525
♂ 40878
Member # 40878
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say that I want my wife to know exactly word for word what Uhtred said. I couldn't have said it better there wouldn't be anything I would change. ..

Posts: 59 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: whyme1525
greengiant
♂ 41196
Member # 41196
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Already told her those things :

She broke me, but I will get through it.
I think about what she did almost every minute.
We will never be the same, thanks to her I'm going through a trauma.
But...
If she recognize her problems, if she work them through, she will be stronger and our couple will be better. But this time, she has to be serious about this as I won't go through this another time.


ME - BS - 34 (33 on dDay)
fWW - 34 (33 on dDay)
Married 9 years, together 16
3 kids: 7, 5 and 3
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW

Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
hurtsobadinside
♂ 35308
Member # 35308
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nailinmyforehead has the exact same situation I have been dealing with and I applaud him for saying it best...i feel the same totally

"I would like my wife to know, and fully realize the enormity of the gift of reconciliation that I offered, and gave her. Sometimes, I truly feel, as if in her haste to "return to normal (?)" , she does not realize the gravity, uniqueness and beauty of the whole concept of reconciliation."

me: 58
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA) with her former boss
one d-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 25 yrs
in "R" and its been roller-coaster
D-day 3-13-12
confronted 6 wks later
I contacted AP's faithful wife and we both kept tabs on our waywards
True NC= July 2012
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful


Posts: 155 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
lostandhopless
♂ 41568
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only how much better off I am without her draining me totally. That she is a despicable person and now she has to live with it by herself..


Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14


Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2013
shatteredapart
♀ 41978
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. You shattered me in every possible way with your lies and deception.
2. I will NEVER trust you fully again.
3. I don't understand why you lie about the smallest, unimportant things.
4. I wish you would see you need I
5. I wish you had told me everything right away instead of TT. Now I can't believe you've told me everything.
6. Your actions and lies have not only hurt me but our children.
7. How could you be so selfish?!
8. How could you keep hurting me after dday#1...still talking to & seeing her even after I told you the devastation it would cause? The irreparable damage?!
Why, why, why?!!! I'll NEVER understand.


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
aero1122
♀ 41575
Member # 41575
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want him to know (and have told him this)

1. He broke me in a way I never thought I could be

2. I will never fully trust him again

3. I have lost all respect for him as a man, husband and father.

4. I will never love him the same way


Me-35
WH-36
Together 18 years
Married 7 years
2 kids
D-day 12-7-13
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R

I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!


Posts: 105 | Registered: Dec 2013
scarednbroken
♀ 41961
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've given you a hundred chances. You just used your last one. I tried harder than you did. My heart is now empty for you and filled for our children.


BS: Me 44 WH: 51 Kids: 14, 16, 18, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 421 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.