Member # 34030
| Posted: 7:47 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|What angers you more about the affair?
( regardless of whether it was an EA or a PA)
In my case it is how easy it was for him to lie to me time after time. To look me in the eye and lie to me. I can't get over this one.
( He knows this; I have told him to his face many times.)
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Posts: 911 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 34689
| Posted: 7:52 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
The lies, it began and ended with the lying, and it is so hard to imagine that much lying in the same home and from the person that I knew, and how much lying went on.
Lied to me and about me, lied to the kids, lied to babysitters, lied to everyone.
Then, this got compounded by all the lies to cover up what went on, and what was going on internally, for year, after year, after year (9 years in our case).
BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.
Posts: 1137 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Member # 40032
| Posted: 8:03 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
The betrayal and disrespect to me and our marriage and our daughter.
BW- late 50's (me) PTSD WH-early 60's M 34 T 36 Reconciling / Ashley Mad hackers r my heroes / Multiple DDs: Jan 2013-1CL Ho, Aug 2015-Online cheating/porn (2008-2014), Sep 2015-CL ho and 2AM ONSs (2009-2010)
Posts: 990 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 41347
| Posted: 8:05 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
The cover up, the fact that she used people such as family to watch our daughter so she can have her rendezvous, the using me to get smart phones and then hiding the messages and the excuses they used to commit the affair and then the locations...his house and our house. just sickening.
I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...
Posts: 1044 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Member # 41045
| Posted: 8:27 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
I'm most angry that my WS didn't have enough respect for me or himself to use a condom when he was screwing the OW thus putting us both at risk. As luck would have it, he got the std but I didn't.
The endless lies and disrespect are a close second though.
2 young kids, Married 10 yrs
Posts: 146 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 36597
| Posted: 8:41 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
The lies, the fact that he told the OW all about me, complained about me to her constantly. Whenever I did something he didn't agree with, no matter what it was, he asked her for her opinion
Posts: 132 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 40277
| Posted: 9:48 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
The lies. How angry he was for 3 years after the ONS. He let me believe this was due to things I or the kids had done. I felt I was the worst possible wife, when in face he was the worst possible husband.
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.
Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Member # 41340
| Posted: 11:27 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
The way he acts like a victim in all of this.
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)
"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 40878
| Posted: 12:28 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
All the lies one after another for over a year even though I told her what was going on. The disrespect she had for me to do it in my house while I was in the hospital. I just don't get it!!!!!!!
Posts: 59 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: whyme1525
Member # 40474
| Posted: 1:54 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
1) The lies, which includes (this is the short list) the betrayal of trust, the deceit, & the blatant and flagrant disregard for me
2) In addition to penetrative genital sex with her (compliments of his expen$ive boner pills), he did one particular sex act with her (often!) that he told me he didn't really enjoy doing. Philosophically though, the few times he did it with me, waaay back when, he was really bad at it. I doubt he improved.
[This message edited by Hope2B at 6:23 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]
Me: deliberately celibate senior
Him: fat, bald older-than-me senior citizen, 7 year LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children (thankful for that now)
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
Posts: 484 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: U.S.A.
Member # 41401
| Posted: 5:26 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
The realization that he texted her regularly while in my presence...when I just thought he was surfing football, FB, etc. The hurt and betrayal I felt was (is) heart wrenching. It makes me feel incredibly stupid and I resent the hell out of the fact that he didn't respect me enough to at least refrain from communicating with her when I was in the freaking room.
Hmmm...amazing how thinking about it can bring that anger boiling to the surface instantly. And while I'm thinking on it... the brain fog needs to lift...I resent how unfocused and scattered I am ALL the time now...
R is going to he a long process I think...
Posts: 131 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 41196
| Posted: 7:45 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
1 - The repetitive lies.
2 - Putting our family at risk and the life of our 3 young child for sex.
ME - BS - 34 (33 on dDay)
fWW - 34 (33 on dDay)
Married 9 years, together 16
3 kids: 7, 5 and 3
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW
Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
Member # 33806
| Posted: 8:14 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
The disrespect for me
All the lies
The blame shifting ..Trying to make me think that I was a boring, neurotic, stick in the mud no fun wife who was hard to live with..
Blowing off my suggestions, minimizing my feelings, gas lighting me..
Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite
Posts: 2199 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 6908
| Posted: 8:30 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Similar to what someone said above. Using me for a cushy life. I was the person who worked to get the house, the nice things we have...the only thing he wants to participate in buying would be anything electronic or cars. I felt I was the "ligitimate" way he wanted to world to see him but was a sneak and a cheat behind my back and everyones back.
And I was angry, so angry that I was used. I did it all because I thought thats what you do when you love someone....but I got suckered into doing it all, wearing myself out to the point of exhaustion so that he could show or the right word would be "fool" the OW or others how hard he worked to get it all.
You hear so many times a WS saying that the won't confess because they don't want to lose their family or the money or their cushy life.
Yeah no kidding. That would ruin it all wouldn't it?
I am speaking only of myself and my sitch but you can tell I am probably still angry huh?! Its like I knew it but just couldn't believe it. I felt used.
Posts: 6001 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Member # 38116
| Posted: 1:39 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Definitely the lies.
The whole betrayal.
The EA I could get over - the fact that he could look me in the eyes and lie still haunts me.
BS - 32
DDay: July 9, 2012 - EA with COW
DDay 2: March 2015; same COW
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, pack your shit and get out.
Fool me twice, now what?!?!
Posts: 356 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 39439
| Posted: 6:22 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Yes, that's it exactly. The lies, the continuous lies. How can you love someone, trust them so completely and survive the knowledge that they lied to you over and over and over and over and over.........................................................................................................................................
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
Posts: 1683 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 41135
| Posted: 6:25 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
For me what hurts the most is how he is rewriting our marriage to make it seem like it was 13 years of hell and unhappiness and making this about how he is entitled to be happy. That is what hurts me the most.
Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 40496
| Posted: 6:44 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
The fact that he could pretend to be a doting and living husband all the while calling, texting, and most likely meeting escorts from Craigslist.
More so, that he did these even on our honeymoon.
Its just utterly disgusting and low.
Me: BS 30
Him: WH 30
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorced 9/11/14
Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Member # 41012
| Posted: 8:06 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
The lies... All the lies...
How he could push OW's and our family closer together. I considered her my friend. And my kids still ask about her kids...
How could he do the physical stuff with her.
How he could say he loved her.
How she could open the door to our house to her...
Me - BW 35
Him - fWH 37
2 yr EA; 8 mo PA.
Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 40392
| Posted: 9:18 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Every last bit of it.
Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”
Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
|Topic Posts: 26|