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finallymefirst posted 11/23/2013 13:20 PM

I am a long,long,long, LONG time lurker, all the way back to Marzipan and the schmoopies lol... Anyway, I was just at the bowling alley and all of a sudden OW was a standing a few feet away from me. I couldn't believe the balls on this woman. At first I thought that she didn't recognize me, but the other mom at the bowling alley believes that she was purposely marking her territory. XWH eventually showed up and didn't speak to either of us and walked away. I suppose he was shellshocked at the scene. He came back and spoke to me and asked how I was doing, but didn't speak to her. He is text book passive aggressive and if she mentions the slight, it will definitely be her fault if she shows anger.

This woman sounded like a dude. The disparity between the two of us is so great that it would be rude, catty and ungracious of me to ever comment on her looks again. I felt a little sad after I left because I felt that my XWH must have been feeling pretty low to turn to that during our marriage. I just didn't know he was that vulnerable and had such low standards. Anywhoooo... valuable lessons learned. Onward and upward!!! I texted my friends, but they don't understand any infidelity related angst.

gma56 posted 11/23/2013 15:48 PM

Welcome to D/S and happy you came out of lurking.

I just didn't know he was that vulnerable and had such low standards

It's really sad what many WS will have sex with for validation. We've had members make a photo gallery of OWs. Pretty scary stuff.

Anywhoooo... valuable lessons learned.
As SIers say...it's not how you look, not what you didn't/did do, not what you say, it's about something missing in their character and lack of boundaries to make them feel better about themselves. OPs can be with very low feeders on the food chain.
Hugs, happy you caught the lesson.
Gma

finallymefirst posted 11/23/2013 16:09 PM

Oh thanks Gma,,I feel truly blessed and fortunate that I am doing so much better than this time last year. I'm grateful for the hard lessons learned because I was not doing enough self care

gma56 posted 11/23/2013 16:40 PM

It can be a long road to feel healed but it's worth all the effort !
Taking care and spoiling ourselves should be our #1 priority after the storm we get put in but for me it wasn't natural. I always took care of others. 5 1/2 yrs past dday and separation, I'm better at it.
Enjoy the Holidays and find peace with new traditions.

Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 4:40 PM, November 23rd (Saturday)]

Pass posted 11/23/2013 23:33 PM

I just didn't know he was that vulnerable and had such low standards

He didn't always have low standards. He picked the best when he picked you. It was when he decided to find someone who would fuck his sorry, married ass that his standards were forced into a nosedive.

FaithFool posted 11/24/2013 10:35 AM

Hey finally, I know it can be a real shocker to discover stuff like that after the fact.

I was one who put together a gallery gma is referring to after digging up a few pics of x's many 'lovelies' online.

She and I shared that special bond of having been married to sick freaks who just kept hoovering up those bottomfeeders and man, it was a mindfuck to see those pics and realize that that's what they were up to when our backs were turned.

She is absolutely right when she says self-care is #1 after making it through that shitstorm.

Onward and upward and all that.

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