SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

tryingagain74 posted 11/23/2013 23:53 PM

Sigh.

I met a really attractive guy today while I was doing volunteer work. He mostly talked to the woman who was volunteering with me while I was doing some hands-on stuff at a table. I'm a newbie, so I couldn't really answer his questions. He was so cute... the type of guy whose smile goes to his eyes... as he was leaving, he introduced himself to me, and we shook hands. No wedding ring... but I had no idea what to do other than to be polite and friendly to him and then say "Bye!" as he left. I also could not tell if he thought I was the least bit attractive; he did not give me any sort of an obvious vibe.

I will be volunteering again in a few weeks; I guess I can hope that he'll stop in again (since he's a supplier of the organization I volunteer for). Maybe I'll get a second chance to again pretend that I'm a piece of the furniture in the room.

Any suggestions in case there's a next time? I'm not a flirty gal, so this does not come naturally to me, but I'm going to attempt to be optimistic about this instead of my usual "Oh, he'd never like me blah blah blah" self.

stronger08 posted 11/24/2013 02:55 AM

Why don't you ask the lady you were with about him. First find out of he is available. If he is your going to have to take the plunge and put on your flirt. And in this day and age there is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. In my younger days I met one of my GF's that way. She walked straight up to me and introduced herself, sat down and bought me a beer. I found that to be very sexy. Confidence is a big turn on for guys.

tryingagain74 posted 11/24/2013 08:35 AM

I did ask her, and she had no idea. She promptly looked up his website on her cellphone, though, and we tried to look for any evidence of a significant other, but nothing like that was mentioned. She also told me that she'd ask around and see what she could find out (since she's more involved in the volunteering organization than I am). She told me that I needed to figure out where he would be selling his wares and show up there, but I would feel so weird doing that. "Hey, remember me? We met for like two seconds at the place I volunteer? Want to go out sometime?"

I know I need to be more confident, but I don't think I could feel that way if I do something staged. I'll just feel awkward. I'm just wondering what I could do if I run into him again where I volunteer (which is pretty likely, I think).

trumanshow posted 11/24/2013 10:21 AM

I'm not a flirty gal, so this does not come naturally to me

and then:

we tried to look for any evidence of a significant other, but nothing like that was mentioned.

I don't know TA_ sounds like you're a natural to me!

Try asking him about his wares-strike up a condo. You may be surprised!

Hope24 posted 11/24/2013 13:00 PM

Aw, TA74...it's nice to see that you've reached the point of being interested in someone. Good for you! It's so rare when you meet someone in person that you feel that instant spark with. You definitely have to take advantage of the opportunity.

If you want to be a teeny bit more aggressive, you could friend him on FB and send him a short message like, "Hey, it was really nice chatting with you at XYZ." And see what happens.

If you're determined to wait for the next in person sighting, I would make sure you approach him with a smile and say "hi". If you end up chatting, you can always ask him if he'd like to grab a cup of coffee sometime. Coffee is non-committal. It feels less date-y. So, if he declines, it won't be such a big deal.

Chances are, if you felt a connection, so did he.

Go for it.

tryingagain74 posted 11/24/2013 14:23 PM

Hi, Hope! Nice to "see" you!

I think that I'll probably wait until I run into him again. I'm not interested in diving into anything, so I'm going to look at it this way-- if the circumstances are such that he happens to come by when I'm volunteering again... gulp... I won't have any trouble chatting with him, but I'll have to muster up my courage to ask him out for coffee.

In the meantime... maybe I can do a bit more sleuthing and see if he's attached. I think that's what I fear most-- we'll both be mortified if I ask him out for coffee because he's in a relationship. He seems like such a nice guy, and I would hate to embarrass him (and well, I don't much like being embarrassed either). Obviously, I have to be prepared for rejection if he's single and "just not that into me," but it's almost worse if he's not single, and I come across as a creepy loser who doesn't have respect for boundaries.

Yuck. I wish this were easier!

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 2:25 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]

Hope24 posted 11/24/2013 15:31 PM

Hi back atcha.

You're smart do do things at your own pace and to do some sleuthing. Nothing wrong with that. But also try to enjoy the moment and the renewed feelings of being attracted. That's a huge milestone. Appreciate how far you've come, regardless of the outcome.

You're a beautiful, intelligent woman who oozes class and sophistication. You're a total catch. Just remember that.

sparkysable posted 11/24/2013 15:41 PM

omg I just read this! you better pm me his info! I will do what I do best, and by that I mean I will put my detective skills to work and see what I can find out.

I agree with trying to be smooth, and waiting for the next event that you might see him at again.

pm me the details! I need some excitement in my life!

tryingagain74 posted 11/24/2013 20:43 PM

Hope-- thanks for the compliment! I was lamenting to the woman I was volunteering with that "he was probably married," and she just looked at me and said, "Has anyone ever told you that you're a Debbie Downer? You need to think positive!"

She's absolutely right. Even if nothing pans out, I want for part of my NB to be that I stop being so negative all the time. Maybe this is the place to really start.

sparkysable--
PM coming!

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 8:43 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]

InnerLight posted 11/24/2013 21:11 PM

If you find out he's unattached, then next time you see him you can smile, say hello, ask him questions about himself, smile some more. See if you have common interests that you both enjoy. Let him know that you share an enthusiasm for a similar interest.

Guys are not mind readers and he might be just as shy as you are about reaching out. Be friendly and give him space to make the first move toward you. In my experience, that's the most romantic way to start.

Good luck!

thebighurt posted 11/24/2013 22:09 PM

I also could not tell if he thought I was the least bit attractive;

And then:

You're a beautiful, intelligent woman who oozes class and sophistication. You're a total catch. Just remember that.

Yes, tryingagain, Hope is right. I've met you and how could he NOT be attracted to you? She's also right about feeling something again. I hope Sparkysable digs up some encouraging info for you! You go, girl!

fireproof posted 11/25/2013 00:23 AM

If you run into him I would ask either what he is doing for the holidays or what he did for the holiday.

If he is attached you will know.

If you still can't tell and are interested you could mention a place for coffee nearby that you like to go and see if he would like to grab a cup (ask at the end of your shift).

Good luck!

fraeuken posted 11/25/2013 00:38 AM

tryingagain74, I am not a flirty girl either and I am initially shy around people. I am usually waiting for a guy to approach me. Still struggling with major issues concerning self-confidence and feeling attractive.

That said, when I felt the spark with xSO I decided to step out of my comfort zone and approach him. This was the first time ever I made the first move. I struck up the conversation when I ran into him again after 5 months, I went to church to return a book to him, I leaned in for the first kiss. Regardless of how it ended, he was good for me while it lasted and ultimately I don't regret any of it.

Be your beautiful, classy self, strike up a conversation with him next time you see him, maybe about the holidays as suggested or about the volunteer work. You have nothing to lose.

PhoenixRisen posted 11/25/2013 09:48 AM

Tryingagain,

Your post made me smile - this is exciting.

I think the holiday season is a perfect excuse to be casual flirty and easily ask questions to find out about marital statuses.

You could ask him how his T-day was. If he is vague ask specific questions "Did your wife do the whole big dinner?" or "did you get a chance to visit with family?" that should open up if he has a g/f or children, etc. AND allows you to drop your status too "Since my divorce I do a low key day with my kids"

Then if he is involved, you just come across as casual chatting and can move on. BUT if he is single you can then start to chat about likes, & interests, hobbies etc.
:)
keep us posted!

sparkysable posted 11/25/2013 11:45 AM

First of all....regardless of what I found out....this is what you need to do:

You need to buy some form fitting clothes, and show off that sexy bod! Have some confidence! If I was as skinny as you, I'd be showing it off! Maybe try some new makeup, do something a little different in your hair. This woman needs a confidence booster! And I'm just the woman to do it!

sparkysable posted 11/25/2013 12:16 PM

I can't even contain myself anymore...I have to share!

This guy, is a former hollywood actor!

tryingagain74 posted 11/25/2013 14:36 PM

Well, I think it's DOA. sparkysable, my crackerjack investigator, may very well have discovered that he is gay.

Sigh.

Well, that was fun for a few days. I'll go be slightly sad and then hope someone has the right screwdriver to help me fix my gaydar so that I don't do this again!

PhoenixRisen posted 11/25/2013 18:02 PM

oh too bad.. well maybe it's the start of a good friendship (and inside pov to the male perspective)