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The other marriage the WS damaged

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TheThreeYearFool posted 11/24/2013 00:04 AM

I need to smack some sense into myself.

I don't do Facebook. At all. Not my thing. But OW does, so I crept it hard. And there's a ton of her wedding photos on there.

Tonight I looked at them and saw the look on her XBH's face. He looked so happy.

And six or so months later my WH went and ruined that man's life. With the full participation of OW of course, but...

It's a new pain to think that the man I thought so highly of would so thoughtlessly hurt this random guy who did nothing wrong besides marrying a thoughtless woman.

Since her XBH found out about the A some time ago I haven't reached out to him. I don't know how to do so, but I think about it. I want to know when he found out, I want to know how OW convinced him not to confront me or my WH, I want to tell him I'm so sorry for the pain my WH caused.

But on the other hand, is there really anything to say at all? I think I just need to forget that any of these people exist.

Smokehouse posted 11/24/2013 00:35 AM

I have the exact same feelings. I asked my wife if any marriage was sacred? Can't remember what her answer was but, I remember it being stupid. When I said I was contacting the other BS she insisted I was just trying to ruin their marriage and just cause problems. Her and him ruined the marriages!

Now she's disgusted with her actions! Why wasn't it disgusting before? So sad are the people involved in the actual affairs! Boundaries people, boundaries!

Nature_Girl posted 11/24/2013 01:04 AM

How do you know he knows? Please don't tell me that your husband gave you this information.

20Hopeful16 posted 11/24/2013 10:40 AM

The other BS and I found out on the same day. We have talked since then, and it was sort of cathartic to be able to discuss things and compare notes.

One of the things that really bothered my from our discussion was his hurt that my WH could look him in the eye, shake his hand, and be friendly with him while all this was going on. Its just another thing that rips into my heart when I think about it.

TheThreeYearFool posted 11/24/2013 14:24 PM

Nature_Girl, I have independent evidence that her XBH knows. Specifically one of the emails she sent my WH during the A when WH was distancing from her. Going on and on about how she "protected" WH when her XBH found out and kept her BH from contacting me or WH.

At the beginning of the email she wrote something about how she felt like she's "the only one being punished for being with someone I care about."

I don't think I'm going to reach out to her XBH though. What more information could he tell me that would be helpful to me? I need to focus on taking care of myself.

Williesmom posted 11/24/2013 15:23 PM

In my case, it was the other marriage, but it was also the lives of MOW's 2 cute little boys that were forever altered.


niaveone posted 11/24/2013 19:28 PM

I used to think this way too. My WS actually was torn up inside about the fact that he hurt that family too (one of the many reasons he had guilt after DDay#1).

After DDay#2 and the fog had lifted, we learned WS was a pawn in a game the MOW and her MWS played againste each other. They screwed anything they could for as long as they had been married. MOW portrayed herself as a dedicated housewife that was loyal to her own verbally abusive wayward spouse.

So, now I realize OUR marriage was the only one violated in this whole mess. Their marriage imploded on its own (lack of) merit. While I still blame WS for bringing that trash into our marriage, I will never get to the point of not putting any blame on her. She manipulated him, then *fell in love* with him, then manipulated him again to try and gain him for herself. I will never get over that fact.

[This message edited by niaveone at 7:29 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]

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