I know you feel like it's been 'awhile' and it's tough to swallow the intensity of the feelings on both ends. Especially with your being away I can imagine it's even a more overwhelming and helpless feeling.
It's important to dig up some empathy for your BW's feelings. She is still processing and has a very long way to go and the fact that she expressed her mixed feelings about you coming home is a good thing, IMO, because she is communicating her real feelings.
I'm sure she feels like her home is not the safe, comfortable, happy place too. Her world was blown apart in April.
I think you need to work hard to try to rebuild with her what the home should be. She needs to feel safe and she needs to be able to process her emotions.
I know this post was asking for help for you, but I'm trying to get you to see where your BW is coming from.
To answer your question...not to oversimplify but to get through the dark times, you just do. You keep on keeping on. You stay truthful and transparent, you talk to your BW, your create a safe place for her to heal. You stay true to yourself and her by making sure the truth is all out and you keep communicating (see a pattern here? )
That's it, really. You just deal. You can't go around any of this, you have to go through it.
None of this is easy.