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dindy (original poster member #38424) posted at 3:27 PM on Sunday, November 24th, 2013
I've been feeling like I was getting close to indifference then suddenly bam, the pain just erupts again.
I still love my ex and wish I could just stop but it's so hard. I think that with xmas approaching I'm feeling sad that my family won't be together and sometimes I wish my ex had the courage to fight for what we had.
I struggle knowing that he said that he knew finding about the A was a deal breaker for me. But it wasn't. I was so willing to fight for us but he wasn't. He didn't want to tell me the truth and basically just wanted out. This is so hard to comes to terms with.
Another thing I'm really struggling with is knowing that he sent pictures of himself to OW when I was in labour. I feel that my DD's journey into the world has been tainted forever. I have contacted my doula who was at the birth to try and organise a rebirthing for my DD and I to make it a more positive experience to hold on to and give us some power back.
I know this is so stupid feeling like this. I just hate feeling like my children and I have been thrown into the trash without a second thought.
I'm waiting to hear back about IC as I really need it right now.
Thank you for listening.
stronger08 ( member #16953) posted at 3:35 PM on Sunday, November 24th, 2013
We all have our limits as to how much shit we can take. When you hit your limit the love starts to evaporate. Just don't sit around waiting thinking that he will come to his senses. Live your life as best you can. The first stage after S/D is acceptance. Once you reach that stage things tend to move along quickly towards healing and moving on. If you find yourself getting stuck reach out for some help. Therapy is quite effective in dealing with acceptance and moving on. You also have that little girl to think about. I'm sure you want her to see a strong woman that her mother is. That's pretty good motivation in itself. Hang in there, things do get better. I can promise you that. 
You cant eat soup with chopsticks.
dindy (original poster member #38424) posted at 8:02 PM on Sunday, November 24th, 2013
Thank you stronger08.
It's been a really tough week as my DD is ill and I'm exhausted. Then when my kids go to their dads for the weekend I always end up feeling down.
I'm feeling stronger again now. Can't wait for this rollercoaster to stop!
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