I've been feeling like I was getting close to indifference then suddenly bam, the pain just erupts again.
I still love my ex and wish I could just stop but it's so hard. I think that with xmas approaching I'm feeling sad that my family won't be together and sometimes I wish my ex had the courage to fight for what we had.
I struggle knowing that he said that he knew finding about the A was a deal breaker for me. But it wasn't. I was so willing to fight for us but he wasn't. He didn't want to tell me the truth and basically just wanted out. This is so hard to comes to terms with.
Another thing I'm really struggling with is knowing that he sent pictures of himself to OW when I was in labour. I feel that my DD's journey into the world has been tainted forever. I have contacted my doula who was at the birth to try and organise a rebirthing for my DD and I to make it a more positive experience to hold on to and give us some power back.
I know this is so stupid feeling like this. I just hate feeling like my children and I have been thrown into the trash without a second thought.
I'm waiting to hear back about IC as I really need it right now.
Thank you for listening.
