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Horsegirl posted 11/24/2013 09:45 AM

It had been two months since my wh moved out and he denies an affair but is living with my friend who left her boyfriend of three years right after my wh left me. They say they are just friends/roommates and I don't believe it.

He hasn't shown any remorse. Denial of her. Total blaming of me..I'm controlling, doesn't love me, hadn't loved me in years, really can't stand my personality, he was suffering for years,,etc. history rewrite of the marriage. He should have never married me, hasn't been happy in years and I was always wrong for him.

I thought our marriage was good and am confused by it all. He won't speak to me and acts like he hates me. Left behind a farm, business and animals. Immediately filed for divorce. Sold his sports car or traded it for a huge SUV. Has just not acted like he remembers anything about his former life. Everybody is shocked. I never thought he was unhappy. He is a conflict avoider, doesn't communicate well and is overall quiet.

Has anybody in this situation had a spouse wake up and be remorseful? Does it take months? Divorce will be final in four months. I am doing my best to stay no contact after doing the begging/pleading.

Horsegirl posted 11/24/2013 13:16 PM

It is like he doesn't even care to fight for me.

Jrazz posted 11/24/2013 15:32 PM

I'm so sorry, Horsegirl.

I don't know a lot of cases like this where they magically "wake up." The thing is, in order for him to treat you so badly and in such an encompassing manner means that he has deep, deep issues that transcend the relationship. It's one thing to become unhappy in a marriage, it's another to totally bail on someone without a backward glance.

I know it's doesn't help alleviate the pain of what he is doing to you, but it has nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with his dysfunction. He's into himself too deep. Unless your "friend" starts chasing him around with a chainsaw I don't imagine him being able to cop to his mistake.

It's time to focus on YOU. You need to protect and take care of yourself right now. You need to fight for you.

(((Horsegirl)))

Getting to Happy posted 11/24/2013 15:34 PM

My dear Horsegirl~

Your douche of a husband is showing you who he really is. Believe him.

Do not waste your time trying to figure out the 'whys' of his selfish delusions.

As another poster has as a tag line...

Your not the Jackass Whisperer!

I know that you are having trouble figuring out what happened in your life. Please know that you did not cause this and you are not to blame.

No matter how he re-writes your marital history that is his immature was of dealing, by lying to you and hurting you, his innocent wife.

You were in the same marriage as he was and you know in your heart that all the things he is accusing you of are all lies to make himself feel better about destroying your life together. What a coward.

The best thing for you to do at this point is to move on.

It may not seem like it now but you are a real catch!

Young, smart, kind, moral compass intact, business savvy...I'm sure the list gets even better.

Your prospects all point to a glorious future without said douchy immature WH.

You had stated in another post that you are hurting right now and lost without him. I get that...no one marries to be alone and sad.

I would like to gently suggest that you start getting your ducks in a row. Busy yourself with protecting yourself financially and emotionally from Stupid aka WH.

180 him but do it for You honey! Indifference is the key. You don't have to be mad (although sometimes anger helps you get your butt in gear).

Start planning your future! And remember the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Go ahead, let your 'give a shit' break, drop him. And start taking care of YOU.

We are all rooting for you. You can do this!

Horsegirl posted 11/25/2013 07:11 AM

I am working hard on making me happy although failing miserably. When do we stop wanting them back? I hope to just make it through a day without thinking about him.