My dear Horsegirl~
Your douche of a husband is showing you who he really is. Believe him.
Do not waste your time trying to figure out the 'whys' of his selfish delusions.
As another poster has as a tag line...
Your not the Jackass Whisperer!
I know that you are having trouble figuring out what happened in your life. Please know that you did not cause this and you are not to blame.
No matter how he re-writes your marital history that is his immature was of dealing, by lying to you and hurting you, his innocent wife.
You were in the same marriage as he was and you know in your heart that all the things he is accusing you of are all lies to make himself feel better about destroying your life together. What a coward.
The best thing for you to do at this point is to move on.
It may not seem like it now but you are a real catch!
Young, smart, kind, moral compass intact, business savvy...I'm sure the list gets even better.
Your prospects all point to a glorious future without said douchy immature WH.
You had stated in another post that you are hurting right now and lost without him. I get that...no one marries to be alone and sad.
I would like to gently suggest that you start getting your ducks in a row. Busy yourself with protecting yourself financially and emotionally from Stupid aka WH.
180 him but do it for You honey! Indifference is the key. You don't have to be mad (although sometimes anger helps you get your butt in gear).
Start planning your future! And remember the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Go ahead, let your 'give a shit' break, drop him. And start taking care of YOU.
We are all rooting for you. You can do this!