We've had some really bad news. My brother n'law (H's one and only brother), has been diagnosed with quite advanced Cancer. It's all happened so suddenly and has been a huge shock for the whole family. We are all very close to my bil and are so sad that he is going through this. He is divorced and has 3 teenaged kids but doesn't live near them. Luckily he has come to where we live to receive treatment so my H and I can help and support him on a daily basis. In fact the whole family is here right now.
My H and I had initiated more discussions about us and our way forward etc. I felt like we maybe would start to get somewhere. Obviously with all this going on right now, I don't want to bring up "our marriage" it would seem so insensitive as my H is under a lot of pressure dealing with the family business single handedly and all the emotions he's going through (stress, worry, fear etc).
How do I support my H through this? How do I control my urge to talk about our issues when they arise when actually there are so more pressing issues at hand such as my bils treatment etc?
Today something came up and I didn't like the way he didn't support me in a situation with his mum. This was a huge issue for us pre-A and he has admitted he needs to communicate more about this. At this particular time, he didn't and I felt hurt and rejected. A very familiar feeling. I wanted to talk to him about it but it just feels so inappropriate and the last thing I should be burdening him with.
Has anyone been in this situ? What did you need from your spouse when someone in your foo was going through a terminal illness?
I've been reading about Cancer with him, going for 2nd opinions to Drs etc, helping him organise/re-arrange work trips (even going on one for him this week), taking full responsibility of kids to free him up to do other stuff.
Emotionally, he's still super distant and hasn't shown any emotion to me about this. He's been a bit physically clingy at night times which reassures me that he knows I'm there for him. Obviously he's breaking inside with this news but still doesn't see me as safe enough to discuss this with.
Any pointers, ideas, thoughts greatly appreciated.