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It breaks my heart

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41andthankful posted 11/24/2013 19:56 PM

WH is becoming the man I always thought he was. He has been working so hard on himself and the changes haven't gone unnoticed by me. He has become a much better father. It is enough to make me think that reconciliation could be possible. Except that now, I look at myself and think I would not be a good partner.
I am so shell shocked by all of this. My world view has changed. I'm not sure if I believe in marriage any more. I'm too hurt at the moment to even think about being with anyone. Do you ever really trust a romantic partner again? Will a small part of you always be broken? I used to be one to go all out to make the one I'm with feel special and appreciated, will I ever not be afraid to show affection in that way again?
Why oh why couldn't he just do this before he broke my heart? We could have been great.

Hope2B posted 11/24/2013 20:42 PM

41, I think it might still be too early in your healing process to make this decision for yourself. I could be wrong, but if you joined on 3/2013 and it was because of an infidelity, you're not even a year out.

It's difficult to be fully engaged in the marriage or reconciliation if you are still hurting and healing. I don't know the answers to your questions, but I'm guessing that everyone's mileage varies, and what might be one way for one person, would not be the same way for a different person.

Of course you're afraid to show affection--you've been burned and showing feelings (affection) puts you in a vulnerable place.

I'm still new at this healing process myself, but I'd suggest giving yourself more time so you don't sell yourself or your WH short on the R.

41andthankful posted 11/24/2013 21:19 PM

Thank you. It is all so overwhelming. I wish you peace on your journey.

RidingHealingRd posted 11/25/2013 02:00 AM

On Dday my WH set out to change and has worked daily for the past 3+ years to be a better H, father, human being.

During those early days nothing he did mattered to me, in my eyes he was an asshole..Period.

Entering the 2nd year I did not always view him as an asshole. He was proving to me that he could change, his actions were allowing me to see him as a human being and not a thoughtless monster.

Entering year 3 I no longer view him as an asshole. I am in a better place today. Our M is stronger and I am happier but it took a long, long time and a HUGE effort on the part of WH.

Do you ever really trust a romantic partner again?

I would never trust my WH 100%...only a fool would trust an adulterer 100%.

Will a small part of you always be broken?

He hurt me terribly but he never broke me. I do believe that a small part of me will always be deeply sad over the destruction my WH inflicted on my M/life.

I used to be one to go all out to make the one I'm with feel special and appreciated, will I ever not be afraid to show affection in that way again?

For now I would suggest you leave that task up to your WH. Your heart still need mending. Let him continue to make YOU feel special and appreciate.

My Wh told me, just days after Dday, that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make me happy again ~ I expect him to.

Don't give up, you can still be great together.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 2:02 AM, November 25th (Monday)]

41andthankful posted 11/25/2013 06:06 AM

Thank you Riding. I think I agree with you on the broken part, not broken but very deeply hurt. I guess the path I'm on is it's a deal breaker until it's not. I don't really know at the moment if that change will ever happen.

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