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Newest Member: flowerfarmer (61841)

User Topic: Never clean out the cupboards!!!!
♀ 28997
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:56 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi friends

After 3.5 years I finally could not stand it anymore.

I cleaned out all the cupboards in the children's rooms and in our room.

I have been wanting to do it for ages but everytime I started would come across something that would trigger me and had to stop.

This weekend I finally did it.

Doing our robe wasn't too bad but when I started doing the children's (they have both left home in recent years), I fell to bits.

Looking at their old and treasured toys, clothes, books, photos, memorabilia from school events, etc was too much.

I toughed it out for hours while FWH was at work and got the job done but it was heart wrenching. Tears were shed but I ploughed on and tidied up my face in time for his arrival.

When he arrived home he complimented me on what a great job I'd done but then asked about things I had in the piles to be thrown out or sent to charities.

I lost it completely. Totally broke down.

Of course I got the requisite "I'm sorry"s, "I wish I hadn't done it", "Can't believe I was so stupid" but within no time at all (maybe 15 minutes?) it was business as usual for him.

So ladies and gentlemen. Stay away from tidying the cupboards and robes.



[This message edited by Laura28 at 3:16 AM, November 25th (Monday)]

Married 33yrs Me BW 59Yrs Him FWH 62yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2772 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
♂ 27650
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Laura,

Sorry you had such a rough time of it, but glad for you this task is finished. Your FWH is still good at compartmentalizing I guess. It seems like the WS have a brief pennance que card they pull from "I'm sorry"s, "I wish I hadn't done it", "Can't believe I was so stupid" and think then all is resolved. I had a teacher in HS who, when a person would apologize, would say "If you are sorry, change". I think many of us would prefer to see changed and empathizing WSs over sorry WSs.

dday 10.5.09

Posts: 4173 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Laura28)))) I am so sorry that was so emotionally draining for you. Sorry that FWH wasn't as comforting as he could have been. The Tribe really misses you!

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 13449 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me - 52; FWH - 54
Married 34 years 9/2/17
2 grown daughters-33 & 30
8yo GS,4yo GD & 3yo. GD (DD33) and 5 yo GD & 1 yo GD(DD30). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 6242 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 4

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